it was such a beautiful thing really.
i saw light when my angel and spirit told me the truth.
it was horrible and lovely at the same time and i still don't understand how okay i was throughout the whole thing.
i felt this overwhelmingly amount of clarity and acceptance.
i felt seen and heard.
the light that i saw was a light i was told i wasn't ready for until i was,
and there, i was.
i was okay, it was all okay,
i'm okay.
there was no more hurt in that moment, i can't describe it.
i felt grounded yet in the air and i felt held by every moment of happiness and stillness i've ever felt.
it was so beautiful and i felt my heart heal and the scars that were everywhere were fading,
actually fading.

recently, i feel like i've become someone else,
my true self,
the person i was meant to be.

the universe kept making go through the same situations until i learned my lesson and kept true to myself.
test after test after test,
and i finally passed it.

i've realized that I am the light at the end of the tunnel,
I am the burning candle that lit my own way through the darkness,
I am the grass and sun on the other side,
I am my own answer,
i always have been.

then it came to me.
i was just sitting in class and it came to me.
i felt myself flying again.
i felt your weight off of me and i could breathe again.
i'm free from you.
i'm free.
i'm not yours,
i'm never yours.
i'm taking myself back from you.
it came to me,
the chains broke and i looked at you with nothing.
i feel nothing towards you.
i'm free.
i'm free from you.
goodbye.

i wanted to see stars again.
i thought that by now i would be able to
but i can't,
i don't.
you took every star in the sky and threw them away.
give it back, please.

growing hurts sometimes.
i want you by my side but you can't be here.
you aren't good for me and that hurts too.

if i never saw you again, i think i would be okay.
i hate myself for missing your touch,
the warmth of your hands in mine felt like the world spun for us.
i hate myself for missing your words,
they made me feel like we were the only people in this universe.
you are everything and nothing at the same time.
i could get lost in your eyes and i remember asking if i could.

you made me feel bad for telling you you hurt my feelings.
a side i've never seen before was revealed and the anger your emerald eyes held made you see red and i was afraid.
i didn't back down.
i let you go and sometimes i worry if i made the right decision.
but i think if i never saw you again, i would be okay.