I breathe in.
I breathe out.

The air is cold--
Or maybe that's
Just me.

My hands are icy,
But that's nothing new.

My heart is racing,
But I have yet to hear from you.

I can feel my pulse,
But I can't feel any blood.

My wrists don't ache,
But maybe they should
And I'm confused
Because isn't that
How anxiety presents itself
In the physical form?

But maybe this isn't
Anxiety.
Or maybe I don't
Have a physical form.

I breathe in.
I breathe out.

He whispers something kind under his breath.
Something that makes me stop going towards that light.

Something like
"I wouldn't want you to keep talking to me
If it makes you uncomfortable."

And I stop and I look over my shoulder
And he's looking down at his feet,
Remembering something good,
Something fun,
Something real.

I hear him again
"You're so kind and good. I'm sorry that happened to you."

And it makes me feel sick,
Because if I'm so kind and good,
Why did you leave?

And then I hear it
Over and over and over
Like the ghost of ex's past.

"Abuse abuse abuse abuse"
All my friends and loved ones
Chanting what a monster you are.
That it was all a game
All  a sham,
An act.

That it was just an act to you.

So I turn from the light.
And walk into something I'm new to.

I walk into the warmth of
Something I don't recognize.

It's called friendship.
It's called kindness.
It's called human decency.

You should look it up.

I breathe in.
I breathe out.

I just learned that my friend and fellow poet
Amy Perry has been missing since Monday 6-13-16
She was last seen in Vista, California and could be in Las Angeles. I know that she has struggled with mental issues in the past and I just hope and pray they find her safe.  I posted the last poem we collaborated on you can go to for a picture if you live in that area. She's very tiny at only 5 ft.

In my every day travels of traveling on
I found a mood ring on the side of the road
Instead of my pocket where things I find go
I was put in the mood to put the ring on

Immediately it went from orange to pink
Happy with my find
It's not everyday you run across a treasure like this
Outside of the five-and-dime

Every minute or two I kept checking my mood
To see just how I felt
Between bouncing back the red and the black
Getting nervous I was overly stressed

Deciding to actively seek my mood ring to green
I went light blue instead
I had no problem with that as a matter of fact
With the feeling of being relaxed

Still I'd like to go back to the mood I was in
Before I  knew about it
So I took a detour a smart move for sure
And dropped the ring back where I found it

Jesus didn't go to Disneyland
didn't hold the hand of
Mickey Mouse,

he was
too busy cleaning rooms in the mansion
when he should have been cleaning house.

I never read in the good book
that we shouldn't give a ****
we're all children under the Sun
except them *******
who are crazier than ****
and **** indiscriminately
with a gun

Infinity is here today,
straight or gay
no way
did Jesus go to
Disneyland.

Six feet under
we are all
the whole
nine yards.

What the **** am I working for?
minimum wage
maybe some more
but that all depends on
if your face fits or not.

There's an awful lot to say
and
it will most definitely come out
one day
until then
this pen
is mute

I will become food for the worms
and they'll take it in turns
to feed on my flesh

I will be a creche for their young
what fun,
can't wait.

But
It won't be me there
so why should I care?

It'll be the suitcase that carried me
from point A
to point B

Still food for the worms though
and that's a thought to think upon
when I'm gone.