new year
overcast sky
cold surrounds me
i want to cry

i try to be different
i try to find change
but embracing joy
is foreign and strange

living's still hard
when will that stop
i submit to the challenge
to not be a prop

in my own life
i will take back the lead
i will rattle the stars
seek adventures i need

I have become a shell of myself
And I am in the process of
Following my footsteps--
Tracing back to the days where
I considered myself free
And dark
And when all that was okay
Because all of this fake sunshine
Has my skin sunburnt and raw

I haven't felt my heart beat in a very long time
So long that cobwebs filled the space
A stillness stirred inside my ribcage

Until one night where your eyes met mine, again
And the world became full of color
My cheeks were flushed and a warmth radiated out of my fingertips

A low pitter-patter made its way to my eardrums
My heart was beating;
Butterfly wings kissed the inside of my stomach

And I was sure that I felt alive again,

I haven't felt this way in a very long time