I'm damaged goods.
the mail-in rebate you'll never quite get around to sending.
rather you neatly sit it atop your chestnut coffee table, politely acknowledge it's existence, and try to remember to buy postage stamps for an envelope you believe you will mail.
you won't.
you will ignore it.
just as you have ignored me.
legs crossed, sitting atop the coffee table we never bothered to buy, scraped knees and insecurities that you have tried your best to deny.
the mail in rebate will one day expire.
I pray that I will not.

Do you know what it feels like?
To imagine killing people, and then feel slightly guilty after thinking so
Do you know what it feels like?
To hurt yourself feeling you deserve it, and afterwards you regret it
Do you know what it feels like?
To be a lesser being, to not even matter that the world doesn't hear you screaming
Do you know what it feels like?
To want to rip your own heart out, to stop the feeling, to stop the pain, to rid the burden, and the heavy rain
Do you know what it feels like?
**To be on the outside of every single thing

I think about her insipid facade
How I never wanted to be like her
Aloof introvert in a masquerade

I think about him and his sight all blur
He was a mess but had her in his lure

I end up next to her, being her, refrained
Sharing bed, lacing shoes, we're both insane

here come the times of changing tide
here come the days of light and grace
here come the hours of wordless wonderessness
White light will fill this humble place

when you come, the stars will shine brighter than spun gold
when you come, the world will seem shiny and new
my mom told me that someday someone like you would come to set things right
'til you come I'll keep this place ready for you.

Your insecurities,
they burn a scar across your skin
(where i once kissed),
and leave ashes on the ground
(where i slept when i missed you)