You are a collector
Of beautiful things
Art and artifacts
You can dust off
To show your friends
Turn the lights off
When they leave
For beauty is only real
If it makes others
Feel ugly.
I finally understand
Why you only call me
When you're with them
And stop holding me
When they leave.

You took a match to the expectations
I had for falling in love
And walked through my door
On fire

All my life I have kneeled down at your altar
Sacrificing my innocence and self worth
A lamb who's blood would gain me favor
"the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist"
Yes, I worshipped you like a God I was afraid of
Old Testament wrath brewed in our home
And I readied myself to **** what I loved
As Abraham would, as sheep do for their shepherds
For I knew my creator loved me, and called me love
"For he disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child. "
By the stripes inflicted upon me I would be freed
Of this shame and unworthiness you bestowed

But it turns out "Father" does not mean "God"
Sometimes it just means "alcoholic"
Sometimes discipline just means abuse
My faith is now placed in me, and the God that made us both.

I have dreamt of this many times
The warm hand resting on my ribcage
Rolling over to find love sleeping soundly
Gentle calls of frustration about running out of cream
Rushing out the door, late due to too long kisses goodbye
Simple little dreams of simple little pleasures
Yet when I find them I feel like a ghost
Hollow and never quite present
Seeing it all unfold but it passes right through me
I have never belonged in my dreams
Because I dream of being someone else.

Am I trying to help you
Because your pain
Is too much for you to bear
Or because seeing you like this
Is too much for me to bear