Drowning, she says she’s drowning in a love that I have caused…
what I failed to realize is that I had been leading not only her on but my heart as well.
I’m screaming from the inside out and nothing seems to hear my cry for help.
Disparity reeks on this skin that covers my human body, but my spirit floats beside of the other girl…
The one who should be the only girl.
Instead I took the knife and cut and cut across my skin trying to find somewhere to bury the love that the other girl had given to me but when I did…
It only sprouted and grew into a tree as sturdy as I could ever be. Intimidating, the tree that was originally built to protect me from the others love…
It has now overtaken my shadow and buried me instead of I burying it. The phrase eat your heart out rages throughout my head.
I hear it over and over again wishing at times it was dead to me but all I can see is how my heart is literally eating its self away.
I scream, and scream and cry… I try and let the feelings die, but they remain.
I'm slowly killing myself and I'm screaming out and nobody hears... I'm always surrounded by the people who "love" me but not by the one who loved me first and it's killing me.
I literally feel my chest compress against my shirt, the shirt I wear oh so baggy to try and escape my chest from pressing against it so that my heart is even more compressed...
I try and try but I can't get out of this thing they call being depressed.
It isn't depression it's a mental suicide...
Taking a gun, and loading up the memories in the chamber only to pull the trigger and watch as everything I’ve worked so hard to forget spills over top of me as if it were the oceans high tide…
violent but oh so beautiful, and it never dies… it leaves momentarily only to return just as strong as it was before.