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born 1900
when Austria was still a monarchy
    that did not know
    it was approaching its end

growing up as the daughter
of the mayor of a little district town
    big fish in a small pond
educated accordingly
as a ‘higher daughter’

   be a home decorator
   do needlework
   be a gourmet cook
   play the piano
   be a respectable member
       of the community and the parish

when she turned 18
after the end of world war I
the social order for which she had been prepared
simply disappeared

her father became a disillusioned monarchist
the town’s republicans elected a new mayor

she married a railway engineer
who left her after her daughter
    my mother
was born
she managed to survive world war II
as a single mother

watched her daughter
    fall in love with, at Christmas 1946,
    and marry in April 1947
a guy who had just escaped
from a Soviet POW camp
looked like a walking skeleton
       my father
AND
was the son of a communist
who  had survived  world war I
as a POW in Siberia

strange bedfellows

     they used to play cards together
     once a week
     with great gusto

     class warfare
     morphed into social entertainment

both my parents were working
grandmother  led the household
on the side did bookkeeping for local businesses
     to bring in some money
practically raised me and my brother
cared for us when we were sick
taught me to play the piano

was always afraid we would not get
enough to eat

for a while, as a little child,
I slept in the same room with her
and  learned that she had
a wondrously melodious snore
    going over an octave & some such

when, after grade school,
I had to leave at 5.45 am
to catch the train
    pulled by a sturdy steam engine
that took me to the high school  
    50km down the road
she was concerned when I
   rushing out the door
just grabbed parts of the breakfast
she had so lovingly prepared

when I left home for university
she was not happy
when I went to the USA for a whole year
she was disconsolate

she did enjoy her great-grandkids
when they visited, though

too much distance for too long
from the place of her birth
made her uncomfortable
in her later years
she needed a familiar place
that came with its familiar things
to do and know

she lived to be 87

I saw her last
after a second stroke
had mostly incapacitated her

a tiny woman
curled up
waiting to leave us
for a world that finally might heal
the pain and disappointment
she had so bravely mastered
throughout her life
She's a rainbow
But he's color blind

She's the top of the world
But he's afraid of heights

She's screaming because of pain
But he's deaf

She's in love with him,
But he doesn't care
 Oct 2016 my gambell
Genevieve
I wonder
Is the earth simply insecure?
Beneath twenty or so miles of dirt and dust
Some places harder than others,
She buries her brilliance.
Her effervescent truth hidden away.

Underneath it all,
She really is a star,
Hot as her sun's surface.
Capable of wonders
And destruction.
Disaster documentaries got me thinking...
Her tears still lingered on my collarbone
The sobs that wracked her body still linger
The soft plee of "let me stay" unspoken
Her mother arrived
The car started
It drove away taking her with
"I'll see you tonight" I promised
I will see her
I promise
 Oct 2016 my gambell
ky
the dust danced
in the sun making them look like sparkles
the cloud much more puffy than usual
the sky looks so surreal, it's like a painting
the grass as green as my shirt
so bright and happy
I breath in the spring air
the feeling is so bittersweet
and I close my eyes wanting to stay here forever
 Oct 2016 my gambell
Mark Lecuona
she said i can't believe how you've gotten over me
it's because you haven't changed
somehow you got over me when we were in love
and now it's been so long
our memories have changed
still you want me to feel the hurt
but you didn't walk away from a wilting flower
instead I was a rock swarmed by too much rain
you didn't know it then
even at the bottom of a raging river
there is no loss great enough to make me drown
your disappointment in me now is only in yourself
if you cannot destroy someone then what are you?
is that the question you bring to me today?
Just A Scar

I peel back the layers to find the skin you have not touched
Erasing the lines your fingertips traced down my back
Washing away the kisses you left on my neck
Blinding myself to your smile etched in my eyes
Deafening my ears to your promising voiced lies
I will remove the memory of all you were
Eliminating you til you become nothing but a scar
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