No one saw my pain
Even when I had no idea how to smile
I was literally dying inside
And at the closest call of ending it

No one saw my pain
I was sort of always in the backround
It sounds like a clyche but it was my reality

Everybody saw a door as a door
I saw a gate with steel bars and no password to get inside
They saw new people as an opportunite
I saw them as kings and queens, as higher royalty than me
I could never reach their level of "hey be my friend"
Why were they so scary
Why was I so afraid
I have no answer
It was just constant hell and me seeking for help without asking

I am not a happy pearl
I am not a bursting sea
I don't know when to turn back and wave for help
I always felt so trapped, there was just no place for me
Of all the steps I took, there was no shoes to be filling the path I made in the snow
Not a single one followed me, for my secrets are meant to be kept?

If they had just looked a little closer, way past the camera lense
They would have seen my scar, and my bleeding hand
They were always so happy and cheerful as they could be,
As I was laying on the ground thinking about what could be

How are they so carefree, when I plan every step and move I make
To not be in the way, but also be seen
I tried so hard playing that part, but with no confidence

They were all so cheerful
I just didn't understand
How can I be in the same room
But not understanding what is there

I just kept hiding those flaws they never saw
I didn't dare to eat the dinner that we cooked
I stayed far away and went around as a busboy the whole day

I think I could have been more
Maybe just a little more off the side
Not right in the middle but like a quarter of enough

I kept it a secret as long as I could
But I had to give an answer and to the emergency we went
I was hiding
I was venting
I was in pain
I am in pain
Will I always feel this pain inside
This was years ago,  you would think memories would go
But not mine no, they stay hidden until they pop up and i'm right back there again.

I was dying
They would probably think I was lying
But I was busy not crying
I really thought they weren't buying those very real tears
The pain was and started amplifying
I was really just wondering if I needed to be clarifying

Im scared of the people I see everyday
I’m afraid of a closed door
I never want to wonder, what would happen
If I even once, dared to knock

For what I have, are no broken bones
But I’ve always been crawling
I do have two lungs
But I still always have trouble breathing

This heartbeat of mine is staggering
When I make mistakes or do wrong by my own book
It tells me to bang my head through the wall
For wrong doings only deserve pain
Therefore I’m even scared of my own house
The people out there, how do they exist so calmly?
I’m a wreck as soon as I walk out the door

I can’t seem to explain - mostly because I don’t understand it myself

I didn’t mean to be so quiet
I didn’t mean to be so gone
I didn’t mean to be so scared
I didn’t mean to be so sad

If I could be easy to talk to, I would be
If I could forget my past, I would in a second
If I could not be so timid, I would
If I could understand, I would

If I could escape anxiety, i would probably be forever running.

They take death so lightly and life even lighter
Crushing a bone or two is the same as the flu.
Dancing with the hangman at the spring ball
Take the gate keeper, for its less formal For what is a soul to gamble
When all somebody has for a light is a melted candle
Maybe I was to hasty to fix
For all we know
She was the one with all the trix

The tangler left all the knots untied
Maybe it’s tired of being uncomfortable and uncontrollable
Here we don’t need tweezers in our pockets
Because our now free tears, fall anyway
We got tips and tricks, flee or sow
Hear or tear to the rainy hair that cling to our shoulders
Hugging tightly till we gasp for air and start reaching for the surface