there is no joy in removing this,
no pleasure forgetting you.
pretending to forget,
to make the days easier,
the nights shorter.
I miss telling you "I love you"
those words now deadened
in my throat.
I hate these terms of undoing,
when you are all I remember
and the world is cold
and sterile.
those gnashing smiles of carefree pasts
reminding me
to be grateful
because all you lost is a woman
plenty more fish
better to have loved and lost
time heals all wounds
it wasn't meant to be
ILLCUTOUTYOURTONGUE
she was not that.
she was starlight in the chaos
meaning and reason
the voice I loved
a reason
where there was none.

Because I miss you every day
Because the sky is falling
Because sirens call my name
Though the flesh
will melt
And silence wept
Because I'm lost and ragged
Because my words
are
slowly shedding
I misplaced love that
found me
Because,
My only reason.

Is there love left?
After that emotional
car wreck.
Jaws of life
taking my heart.
Now
I feel slight affection
A lust. Primal,
disconnected.
More like a hunger,
Vampiric.
Feed me.
**** me.
But the gentle thunder
of love
Majestic.
You took that
from me.

Love died
When I lost you.
The infinite joy
I found
Breathed its last.
Beauty,
In exile
Sadly retired.
Since you left,
Each day is black
All passion gone
No turning back.

The certainty of this world
Caught me off guard.
I saw no trace of rot
Or ruin,
Just a love and desire
That blinded me,
All truth served only to deceive —
Secrets became wounds.
Familiarity—Invasion.
Your place removed.
... in your shadow.
These dying glories
Leaving words rattled in my skull.
Love became an ungodly deed,
Made only to *******.
My dying desperation
For your rejection and scorn,
Just a change of priorities,
Nothing personal
Try to forget.
I won't text or call.
Great will
A final act of love.
No way forward,
No way back.

We like to pretend life was better
But the past was just as cruel.
People were not kinder,
The world — no more innocent,
We just had more light in our hearts.

everyone says they know
the finality of love
but you
became
the end
of
me
.

All the aspects of my heart,
         Got taken apart.
Chambers and valves
         Whispering
"Time heals all wounds."
This sick routine of
Wanting, Longing
stripped me to the bone.
I am my own tired shadow,
Losing every battle
To an outcome,
  Obvious
  to all but my love
still peddling it's hope
Cheap and unwanted.
Your ghost by my side
    Tarnishing my hand
With little fingers.
Dreaming of you every night,
                       Only to wake alone.

Obliterate the rest of me,
While darkness dies inside.
Lead my rusted bones astray,
Restore my wounded pride.
Annihilate the sting of hope,
Erase its sorry stain.
Kiss away each vapid tear,
Take away the pain.
Desecrate my leaden heart,
Cull the weary past.
For dreams of love are fragile,
And are not meant to last.

I wish that it was over.
These days drag slowly
Searching for reason
Justification.
A simple promise,
meaning
No matter how trivial,
So long as it's genuine
Warm like toast.
But there's nothing,
Just the meaningless actions we're locked into.
Kicking against the ******
Unable to stand the pain,
Nobody can see
This sickening distance.
Growing
This isolation.
I wish that it was over,
One last breath
I won't fight.

Though I scream & drag
life into broken lungs
There is no breath to be
found within. These
empty moments tick
without consequence
or meaning. Living is a
state of mind without
desire we pluck rose
petals for the ******.

I hear their voices, raised
in joy—merriment
A singular enrapture
Golden throated
days of summer.
How could you disown such love?
I hear their voices,
Tho that is all.

You are a world away
I am entirely numb
Disconnect, dial again
Know
"I think I'm dumb"
Redefine success
Without bars or locks
Leave the past behind
In this Heart-Shaped Box
All apologies
A grain becomes a pearl
Unseen complications
In thinking
About a girl

People talk about sacrifice,
People talk about devotion.
People say:
"I'd take a bullet for you."
I would have
For you.
And when you left —
*It felt like I had.

Life is a slow death
Remembering
all we
had and lost,
Against our will
We found the cost
Beyond our reach
And so
We cry
and dream of life
Though we must die.
Despite the struggle
Despite the pain,
I'd still do it all again
To see you
One
more
time.

This feeling.
This phase.
Let it die.
My bones and heart are weary,
Beyond sickness or displeasure.
Let me wallow in this lousy passion,
I want the ripe solace of moist flesh,
Succulent sin.

Upon waking
I fall into useless
pieces. Waiting
for the lies to
disprove themselves.
You didn't leave.
There is no chasm
between us,
No need to cry
tired tears.
Resume that
fragile
future.
Wake up.
Love me again.

You were my
everything.
You were my
Moon & Stars.
But now the
night is gone,
Leaving only
Scars.

I keep waiting
For you to say "hi"
For that moment of
weakness.
For you to think
of me
A stray memory,
Conflicting with my
Constant yearning.
An urgency
You can't control.
But it never comes.
I keep waiting —
Heartbroken,
Foolish
Left behind.

This life is burning,
Slowly guttering
Against this lonely air.
Despite my distant association,
Losing it all
over. over. over.
Breaks what's left
The dancing light, dying
A promised life,
Carelessly
Endured.
Without her
Without heart.
I wish for an end
That will not come,
Unforced.

In the morning —
I felt the gravity surge,
Sinking my heart
To it's farewell.
Accountable
To moon and stars,
No longer loving in their gaze.
The silent judgement
Laid me low.
A pile of bones and fading skin,
Forever lost
My Hell within.

The love that died
Left a hole
All dreams
Trickled through,
With them
The resilience needed
To keep living.
It was never
her fault.
Somebody had
to be the last.

I'm trying to be a good and patient man.
Purpose-built in her honour.
Each missing aspect,
Quantified by necessity.
To reconstruct
This urgent self.
Block by block.
Measure for measure.
A lie,
Built on truth.
Beauty,
Born of ash.
Love,
Stacked on sorrow.

Judge me in that final moment
I deserve my childish fate
Stick in pins and I won't feel it,
Purgatory won't have to wait.
I've been there all the time we've talked,
I called you from its darkest bank.
You didn't know my disposition,
Drowning, further still I sank.
It's okay to doubt my heart —
A piteous thing with little nerve.
It blisters in the fire, it sickens,
Your scorn is all that I deserve.
So take care and walk away,
I hope good fortune finds you soon.
Leave me with my tilted mind,
Howling underneath the moon.

Remember me how I used to be.
Remember my better days.
Remember the summer nights.
Forget my tragic ways.
Remember my burning kisses.
Remember I meant it all.
Remember the times I held you.
Forget the curtain call.
Remember my strength and passion.
Know I think of you still.
Remember I always loved you.
Remember I always will.
Forget the man who's here today.
Forget the man I am.
Forget my face.
Forget my name.
I'm not worth a ****.

I relate
to this black screen.
So defiant
In its emptiness.
Perfect in
Secret dimension,
Obelisk
Death.

From my first scream
The light was dying.
Boy to man
A slow decay,
Bled into me
Boiling away the days
To the bone.
My love was a
Haemorrhage
After you.
Yet I remain
A spectre in my room.
With tears and dissatisfaction,
Forgotten
Like warmth and laughter,
Squandered
Like the years
That never cease.

This pain —
Now my only duty.
It is my God and sun.
It is my strength and weakness,
As all else fell away.
It is the echo of her name.
It is all the roads in Greece,
I walk them daily
To know each crack.
It is all that I have left —
My currency and shame.
This pain.

There's is no feeling
Worth expressing.
No reality
Worth addressing.
With all the thoughts
That I'm repressing,
The future
Is just depressing.
This world that
leaves me stressed,
Is just a
*******
Popularity contest.

Those deleted words that
didn't fit.
Ugly lines became
Ugly li_es.
Unfaithful
Misrepresentations
No better than
Knee **** I love you's
Said to prevent harm.
These lines
Should speak my name —
Painful, raw
Like cuts on skin.

Don't mistake my silence
for strength.
It's not acceptance.
It's not me moving on,
Nor indifference.
I am quiet for you,
Lovingly so.
Sweet in intention.
In meaning,
In heart.
So if my tongue is cut,
Lifeless.
It's because I love you.
Despite
This solitude.
This suffocation.
In every minute,
In every pause.
The cost —
You're removing me.

My love became a full stop
In the twisting of my days
An isolating anchor
That dragged me to the deep
This pain became a reason
I put my heart to sleep
Burn the spoken words
We shared
No one heard them anyway
Company is agony
That's why I walk away.

I am master
Of my foolish heart,
Of every last mistake.
Each word that slips,
My downfall
Sings of the Inevitable.
The losing hand,
The heartless bluff
Is only my design.
Each lonely path,
Each unheard gasp.
Always had to be.
A self-fulfilling prophecy.
A self-destructive irony.
I'm master
Of this pitiless dream.

I don't know how to continue —
Without knowing you.
Your goodbye
Left me a stranger
                  to this world.
The days
Are weeks.
The weeks
Are years.
The nights
Grow darker.
Each winter,
Colder.
You took my love,
My heart.
My lungs.
Hymns to the darkness.
Blood for the sun.
I wait.
I wait.
You don't explain.
Endlessly,
The daggers rain.

I can't undo the past,
I won't take steps
To forget our time together.
I won't make new mistakes,
To fake a life of meaning.
I won't demonize your heart,
To justify my pain.
I won't bawl and **** and fight
To feel alive again.
I won't.
I can't.
This love
Was beautiful.
It cannot be undone.

The wound
So deeply bitten
It left but mangled flesh,
Young God
Picked apart
So savagely under the
weight of love.

I won't go through this again.
What's it matter
             When all I ever cared
Left reasons to be thrown away.
Isn't it enough —
To see?
To comfort?
To find familiarity
In unfamiliar love.
Each person I touch,
Is a memory.
Fading.Sweeping.
Slowly.Creeping.
To darker corners.
Unwilling.
To play their part.
This pantomime is such a bore.
Is it really so hard?
All I want
Is what you owe.

Never make
those promises
Never say "forever"
You won't die
Or fall apart
Just because you're
not together.
When your lover
Breaks your heart,
Know that
you'll survive
Even if without them
It's less fun
to be alive.
Pain might linger
Hurt may show
Time could start
to slow.
Love is temporary
Seasons come
and go.

Give me a shot.
Remake the love we had,
Still breathing.
Buzzing.
Retrace the steps
That led
To our brilliance.
Breathe life into the dead.
Kiss cold lips,
Steal the fading pulse.
The words we shared were vows
Not just empty mutterings.
Not sounds flung into nothingness.
Meaning given virtue.
Love speared on eternity.
We are falling stars
Cursing our path.
Corpses bloat the rivers.
Churches burn.
We are this shoddy ******.
This is our beginning.
This is our end.

My words are wearing thin.
Each night, I write
Only to leave nothing
Behind.
*Erase the past,
Remove the future.

My mistake.
Forget the signs of
vulnerability,
My tender soul
And all the errors
That slipped
from my lips.
I wouldn't fit in your world.
The beast within
Would tear
hot throats
Beneath the silver moon.
I cannot play nice
Or fit in.
Jealousy, rage —
Impropriety
Betray this honest man.

Teeth that sink
Into my skin
Hellish,
With their mighty thorn
Spiral pain
into my heart
Mighty with
    vampiric sting.

Another waking gasp!
Cold realisation
The day reset
Under the weight of
expectation
and wonder
Slowly surpassed by
flagging
ambition.
managing
Monolithic Mundanity.
carelessly
Crushed Creativity.
sorely
Sapped Strength.
deathly
Drowned Desire.

It's easy to expound
Who we are
Through definition and vice.
But there is more within
Hidden variables
Precise Sins
Heartless Approximations.
We are chemical gods
Violent
Snake Guts.
Parasitic lovers.
Effigies of father and (sun).
Ready to pin
Destiny
On foolish mistakes.

You sent a message
So unfamiliar
With contact,
I froze.
a rabbit in headlights.
So many friends
Have come & gone
Pushed away,
True colours — blushing
As I lay in my misery
Not worth your time.
Poor fortune
Conjures truth
Without remorse.
So my answer was "no"
"I can't"
I'm not human
Anymore.

Was it worth it?
Was it worth the hurt?
If you knew —
Would you pay the toll?
Though the cost is high,
Ultimate.
The punishment; severe.
I wouldn't hesitate.

It was always so
            always this way.
With each new day
So full of dismay.
The feelings corrupt
Fading fast
Passing by,
Holding my breath
Waiting to die.
The dawn brings
No light.
No promise.
No love.
Just a trial of despair
To rise above.
The weekend
Brings no comfort,
Just the trauma
Of loss.
No matter
The price,
I won't pay the cost.

Each empty Street calls my name
Though I am lost to them.
I trod their alleyways
Looking for the world that was promised.
I found the empty chalice of love,
I found midnight fires.
I found mistakes.
I found disappointment.
But never the world.

There was a world that fell away
A year and six months to the day
When life became the underworld
Each day a purgatory unfurled
As friends revealed their apathy
And love became the enemy
I spat and cursed and wept and bled
Thinking of the words unsaid,
The strength that used to overflow
Now lost to weakness, fear and woe
Alive but closer to the dead
Strangled by the darkest thread
Nothing left to leave a mark
Fading softly in the dark.

All the love that I disgraced
All the time I chose to waste
All the pain that I denied,
Just left me dead inside.
All the happiness I feigned
All the damage I sustained
All the hope that I supplied,
Just left me dead inside.
All the lies I told myself
All the conflict that I felt
All the bitter tears I cried,
Only left me dead inside.