I am much more frightened
When I feel
Nothing
At all

Than when I feel
Everything
At once.

Listen.

I know you're moving on.
You have every right to be and it's none of my business anymore because
//we're not together//
Anymore.

I never cared in the past.
//I've never felt sick.//
I've never lost sleep.
//I've never lost all feeling.//
When previous
Exs
Moved on.

But you were the first.
Of everything.

To me
You were my everything.

First real love //First real ****// First real heartbreak //First real loss//

You
Were
My
First

And it feels like
Everything
And
Nothing

Now you're gone.

And I crave that connection
//And I ******* hate it//
And I fear it
//And I search for it//

But

Without you

All of life
Is
Make-believe.

"Like what are we I don't understand because you're still here calling me love but you're not?"

//I’m sorry I shouldn’t call you love I guess that was habit.//

"But I love you"

I just wish I could cry.
And scream.
And yell.
And throw up.
And shake
Uncontrollably
Until I
Vacate
My
Own
Body.

Because you've touched
Every inch of it.

These hands have memorized the way you move. My feet, giddy to see you. Eyes flash open each morning to yours.
And my lips.
They want to come home.

But
You're
Moving
On.

I suppose so am I but

This is the first time
I've had
Trouble
Letting
Go.