Her kisses are on
Other people's necks now.

So I guess I'll just ******* die.

I want you to get tattoos
That remind you of me

Watching my future grow
As I dance from out the
Window

I feel a bit like a failure.
I feel a bit of a fraud.

I can't seem to keep up the most important of things,
But I can hold on to distrust for so so long.

I can't seem to please myself,
So I push that on to anyone who's willing to listen.

I don't believe that I deserve long lasting things,
So I cut them off before they find me.

Anything that's too good
Is too good for me.
And I'm
No good
For anything.

I feel a bit like a failure.
I feel a bit of a fraud.
I feel as though
I'm not enough
I'm too much
I'm nothing.
I'm everything.
I'm a mess.
I feel that I'm stunted,
Although it's only by myself
So I'll stay
By myself.

A failure.
A fraud.
I'll stay
By
myself.

You can't reverse negativity on an impressionable being
You must simply wait for the next day
That they decide that the sun is shining
Rather than beating down
On
Them.

I haven't felt
The way that I feel about you
In awhile

It makes me happy
And scared
And it fills me with
Hope
And
Eagerness.

And I love it.

So thank you

You can't take the blue
Out of my blood.
My love.
My love.
My love.

Right now
In this moment
I am simply
Me

My anxiety has no hold on me
My depression is at rest

Self doubt and loathing have hidden themselves to give way to calm.

I am at peace.
I am me.
I am free.

The stars move
When I'm with you.

We're going to be
Okay.
We
Will
Be
O
K

Just breathe
My dear.

Breathe
Breathe
Breathe

Let me
Help you
Grow

"I'm an open book"
She says

Written in
code.

The stress of the day
Makes her way
Down
My
Shoulders

Because I'm

Stressed

Because I'm

Depressed

Because I'm

Weak

Because I'm

Making up excuses for why I keep

Killing myself

It can be hard
To rebuild yourself

To allow yourself
To fail again

To allow yourself
To feel again

To cry again
To try again
To become the person
That you've trapped inside
Your head again

It's okay
To be a work
In progress.

It's okay
To start
Again.

Confidence falls
In ringlets down
The back of her neck

Mother doesn't want a frantic beauty

I love you
I love you
I love you

So light
As the words
Spill from my fingertips

The phrase plays
Again and again
In my mind

A sonnet I have
Concocted
Simply waiting
To be sung

Getting out and away from anxiety is
so
empty.

House that I built
Built around myself
Forgot to
Put in
An accessible
Door.

Alcohol a big stick to bang on the walls
Medication a blanket to keep me warm
Cigarettes so I'm not so lonely
And pain
To remind myself I'm still alive in here.

"Like what are we I don't understand because you're still here calling me love but you're not?"

//I’m sorry I shouldn’t call you love I guess that was habit.//

"But I love you"

So I'm supposed to
Discover
Who I am
What I want
What I am to be.

Where to begin
Discovering the deepest darkest secrets
The wants and the desires
Of this person I have grown to desest.

Today has been far too negative for my taste.
Though I am a woman I am still as impressionable as a child
And the way that people speak
And choose their words
Can make
Or break
Me.

Shot down with a casual
Decline.
Not a thought as to how it would
Change me.

Turned off with a gesture of a brow
Not a care for how it could
Estrange me.

Think for a moment before you
Talk **** about that friend of ours
Because I'm not
******* STUPID.

Whether it be spoken now or later you're
Proving to me that you're nasty
And gastly
And  rude.
For ***** sake.
Be polite.

My colors change from
Yellow with the sun to grey or gray like the end
Of
The day.

She's
Just
So
Lovely

Seeing you smile
Your intake of fresh air
Side eye and
Tucked away laughs.

I miss having your light near mine.

A love like this doesn't need a label.

A love like this just needs to be stable.

I
Simply
Want
To
Scream.

I miss the way
I desperately wanted
My life
To be

Falling back into
Greeting myself

Each sunrise brings
Expectations

Each sunset
Failures

Respect
Is not something
To hold against others.

Give it freely.

I don't want to spend my youth
Without
In order to spend my future
With

I am willing to throw my tomorrow
Into the wind
As payment for a better
Today

I will risk what lies ahead
To ensure peace where I am
Right
Now

The future is not guaranteed.
The future is not a given right.
The future is not fair.

Today is sure.
Today is a gift.
Today is what I wake up to every morning.

So I will not stop living
For the future.
I will live on
For today.

Here
I'm not
Here
I'm not
Here
I'm not

I need to remember
For the sake of my heart
That I
Am temp-
Orary.

Somebody else is
Holding you close now.
Falling asleep
To the sound of your voice now.

Do you dance in the rain?
Slowly and sweetly through tears.
Do you kiss on the train?
The hushed comments of jealous strangers never reaching your ears.

Do they laugh with you?
Weep with you?
Get drunk
Party and
Sleep with you?

Are they loving you in the way
I could not seem to muster?

Do you love them
Yet?

Giving gifts to
Satiate the
Pain.

Drives home from work
2:30 AM
Thoughts of chocolate
And police cars
And rest

You would think
That every little thing
That reminds me of you
Would bring
A grin
Of nostalgia.

But that fan
That reminds me of the way
Your hair blew in the wind

And the blanket
That reminds me of the times
We hid ourselves from the world

Only further remind me
That I am here alone
With these memories
And you are back home.

Her
Every cliche
Makes sense now

Seems I've been
Missed by the
Rain

And now you want to talk to me.
To pick my mind
To bring to earth this hidden thing.
This secret you feel
You have a right to know.
This, that has always been
Within me.

You were unaware.
I was not.

This is not new.
This is new to you.

This is not a problem or surprise.
This is who I am.

I suppose
I don't write
As others do.

But you see,
My work is from within.
Real
Raw
Riddled with bits and pieces of
Myself.