Everyone says ditch them
But it's not so easy

They say they're not true friends
But it's not so easy

Some say they dwell on my misery
But it's not so easy

They ask why I remain friends with them
But it's not so easy

It's not easy letting go of all your memories

You see, all my memories are embedded in these people
So it's not so easy

i will watch as you walk away with pieces of my brittle heart lodged into your palms
and i hope they sting every time her hand slips into yours

i will watch empty promises tumble from your mouth as you exhale  
and i hope you choke on them

and as you breathe in every molecule of her perfume
i hope the scent stings your nose

i will watch you kiss her and kiss her and kiss her
and i hope it's the best experience of your life

so i watch you fall from grace as she discards you like a jumper she has outgrown
and i taste the same sweet satisfaction you did when she kissed you

i watch as a drunken mess
because the hangovers hurt much less than even a fleeting thought of you

just hormones
i tell myself
not real pain
not a big deal
but everything hurts and i want to die
just hormones 
hiding behind eyeliner
it masks the red 
i wasn't crying
allergies
mine are bad this time of year
i wasn't sad
why do you ask?
how ridiculous
i
don't
get 
sad
i don't need help
 i just need some time alone
no people
just the static crackling of a car radio a few yards away
a talk show with the volume **** turned too loud
screams and laughter from where my friends stand
they aren't like me 
they don't want me
i don't want them
i'll hide in a corner
hide behind a mask
of eyeliner
and lip gloss
cloaked in shadows
drip drip
goes the water
it's cold over here
but hidden
nobody can see me
i'm just another person on their phone
clipped into technology 
indifferent 
not in pain
just hormones 
i remind myself
you aren't really hurting
the slightest touch will turn your eyes into waterfalls
so stay hidden 
stay safe
it's ***** over here
bird **** on a window
how is it that even possible?
moist
disgusting
guarded by 6th graders
to afraid to approach me
but i can feel their eyes on me
creepy pasta
is what they discuss
as they beat their violin strings
with their bows
unpleasant noises
there's my mom's car
pulling up
get ready
smile
energy
brush your hair back
natural
act natural
"How was your day?"
hard
"Fine"
it's just hormones.

I hate the way you made me cry
And the way I let you in

I hate the way I thought you loved me
Even though that's no longer true

I hate the way I told you my secrets and all of my problems too

I hate the way you knew about my brave shield and still decided to knock it down

I hate the way you gave up without a fight
Even though I know that's what you wanted

I hate the way that you picked now to let it out, at the time I loved you the most

I hate the way I believed you when you'd say you love me every night
And call me perfect even though I knew it was a lie

I hate the fact that you were the reason for the smile on my face
And even worse the tears on my cheek

I hate the way the last memory I have of you is the best we ever shared
Even though your intentions were far away from mine

I hate the way I still remember your little quirks
And you claim to remember mine

And the way I can still remember how your touch felt against my skin
And the butterflies I got in the pit of my stomach when we kissed

I hate the way you accepted my faults and I did the same to you
And the fact you were my first everything

I hate how every room in my house is filled with memories of you

I hate the fact we wasted so much time and the way you didn't give it a second thought

I hate the fact I know you won't change your mind about this no matter how hard I try

And I hate the fact you left my life without any kind of warning
And the fact I didn't have an impact on your life like you did in mine

But most of all I hate the fact I don't hate you, in fact you were the first guy I loved

But you know what, *******, I'm a diamond not a rock