I forgot how much I loved this life

it scares me how lonely i can be
how i will do anything, anything, anything
just to feel affection
just to feel like i belong
to feel like i am worthy of love

because lately i have been bleeding and needing You
but i look for love in all the wrong places

my heart is stitched on my sleeve
but nobody ever looks at me
i want to shine brighter than the sun
but my fears dim my light into a mere shadow

i'm sick of wanting
of desiring something that cannot be

is this it for me?
is this all?
why has life been so cruel?

Life has always seemed dark
the struggles made me
lose hope in everything

After a long streak of bad luck
hope" felt like a fiction
death was always on my mind
What if I just died
escape all this tragedy

Now i can see a light
not the one at the end of the tunnel
but just a light
the one that tells me good things are supposed to happen
not meant to happen

I can't hope for anything
my hope was swept away
but i feel like the light is telling me
*God has not forsaken you

everything is just so fragile
happiness so elusive
i keep trying to cling and cling and cling onto something
anything
to keep my soul from breaking
but
nothing good ever sticks around long enough to keep me sane

i'm losing control
my nails are only digging deeper and deeper into the dirt

i'm never gonna be enough for anyone, am i?
i'm always just going to be someone in the background

i'm replaceable and so alone
i swear to god this didn't use to hurt
but now i can feel a literal aching in my soul
like life has been ****** out of me but my body still keeps on breathing
and breathing and breathing and breathing but
it hurts to even breathe
there's a giant sorrow swirling in my stomach
i can feel it swallowing me whole

i don't know anymore

i wish i could just ***** out these emotions from the inside
they would burn my tongue and throat
but at least i would've gotten it out of my system
then maybe i wouldn't feel like i'm losing control.

Sometimes i cant b r e a t h e

and i think, maybe
there is water clogging the bottom
of my lungs

Sometimes i cant h e a r

so i try to take
the cotton ***** out of
my ears
and make the rush of noises
disappear

Sometimes i cant t a l k

when my words fall
over each other i
zip my mouth shut and
hope for the best

Sometimes i cant b e

who i want
to be
and i think
there is no
solution
to this