scenes replay in my mind and it feels like our feature film is a remake of the broken romance i starred in last

i told the writers to change the plot
make the lover the protagonist and not the devil throwing jabs at my heart
i told the director to change the shot
make each seen la vie en rose instead of a black and white silent film
i told the costar make the camera believe that you love me instead of deceiving it and making the audience see how much you strive to hurt me
i told the lover please, make me feel the love you were casted to display
make me beg for your touch, crave your kiss and make your lips taste like honey
make your embrace feel safe and not like a war zone
make me believe that you love me but this time mean it.

Pictures of us on my wall
Remind me that you're gone
So, I take them down to burn
Now the empty Walls won't let me be
Now, they remind me of a time you were in
The picture on the wall and my future
And that I'm still stuck chasing
The shadow of your ghost.

I'm jealous
Of everything associated
With you
That isn't me.
Like how the sun kisses you each morning
And I haven't even kissed you once
How the wind caresses your skin
Your hair dancing in careless rhythm
How do I have you all to myself?

You
were
to
me
like
ice
turned
water
turned
gas
and
gone
with
the
wind.


Never
deserving
Of
My
Fire.

Appreciate the ones that make you chuckle
Uncontrollably so,
At midnight, alone, and in their absence.

I can't sleep
Everytime I remember your words
They snap and recoil
And hurt me awake
Next time when someone
Promises me forever
I'll just smile
Look them in the eyes and ask
How long is forever to you.

he tells me he'll buy me a white house
with a picket fence and i laugh because
it sounds so absurd to me
why would anyone want to live in
this plastic world of despair
i mean, maybe i'm judging it too hard
but i just can't see myself
driving a mini-van with two kids
crying in the backseat complaining
and calling me "mom" as if they their
mother-tongue was not Urdu
i can't do soccer games and ballet lessons
or wait every night at 8PM to have a
family dinner
i am not anyone's wife in an apron
and there is nothing wrong with choosing
the american dream
just that its a nightmare for me
i want to finger paint the house a
million shades of rainbow
i want to tie a braid in my hair
and lie under the sun
let it kiss me until i'm brown
and free.
i want my children to blast
bollywood and dance with me
no choreography, just love
i want a husband who falls in love
with my henna covered hands and
the way i smell of the sea
i can't see myself settling to a world
where everything looks just the same
or a man who loves me in a clean,
innocent way
i know this sounds stupid and i'm not
one for crazy romance but
laughing during *** and screaming during fights
is something that feels more than alright
i like the edge and the stability in knowing
that you're not going anywhere, we're going
everywhere
i want my children to climb on their father's back
and tickle him until he cries
i want them to paint his nails
and tie his hair in little ponytails
i want them to go to the beach and not worry
about getting sand in between their toes
i want them to wake up in the morning
with their messy hair and lopsided smiles
i want them to run around the house
the way their parents did
chasing each other only to fall
into each other's arms.