The winds of change are rising
A dream is falling through
The winds of fate are blowing strong
You're wanting someone new

The winds of change are painful truths
I know I've lost my place
Don't have to read your mind to know
It's written on your face

          STILL I KNOW I CAN NEVER CHANGE
          SO I'LL JUST HAVE TO PRAY...
          THE FICKLE WIND WILL RISE AGAIN
          AND BRING YOU BACK SOMEDAY

It's funny how you wanted me
Before I loved you so
Now that I can't hold it back
I feel that cold wind blow

           CHORUS

after one of the longest nights in my memory, which in and of it's self lends to a rather limited faculty lol, and one of the darkest in recent years, I have finally let it all go, and amazingly, or more accurately shockingly to me it was the giving up the ghost that devastated me, giving up that nice and beautiful delusion proved to be a rather surprising thing.
something so seemingly simple and easy things, so truly self created surly, yeah, so simple a thing and have it up, and .... crash. I was blindsided by how utterly and completely I had truly began to rely on it, for it/ she / this delusion of a possible love became my only life boat in a deep and raging sea. **** me. **** me I ******* fell.
**** me I fell for every thing, **** me I fell for the mathematical sound, **** me I fell for the voice that I truly just....   **** me I fell, for the absolute beauty of her, she is just, simply the most beautiful thing I have seen , soft, bold, true to focus, scared, shy, graceful, timid, honest in studering stumbling of self conscience and shy, she is so brash and kick ads, so kind and abused so healing of herself and others, so judgmental and temperamental, so bossy and sad ***, so silly *** goofy and truly for that alone ,son she is bad ducking ***, she sure as hell is all these things to me, and I never expected her to live up to any of these things, but only to be what ever she be so long as she be it whole and truly.  is all, all of this all from my own silly stupid creating, your **** right and **** wrong. and I need not prove or explain it, yet , for her I will give this.  yes, I laid all these qualities and flaws of perfection upon her breast, straight out of my mind so as to give me some **** hope, **** me. but I so many times took great care in silencing my everything to listen to what I thought was her, and these things range true.   and I truly and forever more will be content in knowing them all to be true, and I have let it go.  does this mean that I will not be slapped sideways when I find she in my dreams and I fall flat *** upon my face  and kids her each time yet never allowing any thing more for desiring to respect her?  well let's say , I could not stop it if I tried and I tried. but I do not, will not seek to find, I do not look to think of her in my mind. I will not actually of intent search or wish that she ever read any utterance of me not my ****** and broken windows. and this brought my world to it's **** knees, in a crying, slobbering plea to Our Lord for anything to relieve.
does this mean I will turn her away if such a strange or unlikely thing happen that she everfind her self standing before me? what are you insane, hell no I would never turn her away, even at 80 years old bent broken and grey, but I will not seek her. and would probably fall to my grace from shock if she were to ever grace the place for mine eyes to see before me.  but, this has torn me in two, shattered my heart, and half my soul has vanished all from a **** me, delusion I fell for, **** me I fell in love,  real and true, **** me I fell all the way and I have had to throw it all away, and am left with out that comfort of delusion to carry me through. so I am at the bottom of the abyss, pitch black, no bio luminescent nothing, it is cold and I am lost. but this I choose for I have up all of my illusions and beautiful delusions for my Lord and savoir and here I wait without any claim to wealth or silly *** fame and resigning from this game for I tried, to do the best I could to make a difference and find , show, remind of the good. I must have failed, for here I sit in this place, and I simply have nothing else to say. I love you all, thank you for any support, I forgive the pains placed upon me but I am broken and half the man I ever would or could have ever been.  I hope you choose to do yourselves and one another right, be deerhearted and gentle to each other and sing your heart song in love and out loud.  good bye.  ricci dale moon / scott    badger crow moon / the shine of moon_shine  through and through, I truly do love you. all in all and all of you with my all.

He is Capricorn
I am Aquarius
He is Mars
I am Venus
He is analytical and practical
I am intuitive whimsy emotional
He is structure and rules
I am freedom and going with the flow
He is kids house ring white picket fences
I am spur of the moment camp outs and never settling
He wants to be on a white horse
I climbed down from that tower a long time ago

Or so I thought...

Because when his hand brushes mine, a chance meeting, all that I thought I knew melted for a second and I could see a Life doing it the Capricorn way

He is Capricorn
I am Aquarius
One chance meeting made me aware we could be something serious
What will happen to our two zodiac signs?

One chance meeting
I leave it all behind

Have you known the winter days?
Late February falls like frigid snow
Merciless undertow
Of evergreen and alpenglow
And grey ground pavement walking
Like Grocery shopping
and weak chai tea
Moonlengths from all family
And surrounded like strawbury temptation,
Late night lamp light contemplation
And drowsy-dampened mornings
Grey glaze of diluted boring
Spattered over every orifice
Charcoal eyes, platonic kiss.
Pull your bow to shoot and miss
Tell me all this is is what it is
And I will tell you, “okay”
(but you know this isn’t what I wanted)

Hide the roadsigns
Blur the guidelines
This is how I love you

Have you known the winter days?
Late February fell like fire on hell
And shook me from my sleep
Ashes cover snow-banked heaps of rubble
I slice my wrist on the sharpened stubble
Of your half-assed beard
(this is how I bleed my dear)
This is how I bear my soul
******* smile
And dominoes
Carnation cults
And buried bones
(This is how I build your throne)

Hide the gravestones
Burn the rainbows
This is how I love you.

And have you known the winter days?
Late February fallen like Lucifer to the underworld
We both knew I wasn’t altogether that typeof girl
But we pretended anyways
Alcoholic halo haze
And foreign intervention
Of somewhat insidious intention
And the legitimate logistical question
That defined our discourse on fear
(this is how I think my dear)
This is how I speak my mind
All that grey
Those missing roadsigns
Smoke and soot and
Blurry guidelines
And Gravestones gone
And rainbows ash
(and we are never coming back)

This.
This is how I love you.

It could be a million people.
It could be my demons.
It could be the problems I'm not dealing with.
It could be the people I'm trying not to think about.
It could be the thing I need to hear most.
It's almost definitely not you.
But, heaven help me, it is.

Because you are my demons.
You're a problem I'm avoiding.
You're the person I try not to think about.
And you have become the voice I need to hear most.
So on the other end of this phone,
screaming at me like an angel,
it almost definitely is you.

And, heaven help me, I'm picking up.

I want to touch you.
I want to feel your smooth skin,
Run my finger tips across your forehead,
Around the arches of your cheek bones,
And through the deep valley of your lips.
I want to intertwine your legs with mine,
And feel your cold hands make icy trails down my spine.
I want to lose my hands in your hair,
And be burned by your mouth moving across my neck.
I want to travel into your memories,
And get tangled in your thoughts.
I want to look into your eyes forever,
And be frozen there in time.
I want to drown in your sheets,
And get lost with your body.
I want you to be mine,
And I want to be yours.