Two heartbeats in.
One scratching tempo out.
Living like we're immortal.
Fingertips scribbling out history.
Ink blots on cream paper.
So desperate for memory.
We settle for stains in place of words.

Maybe one day you'll let me
Trace the constellations of band-aids
On your patchwork heart.

Maybe one day I'll tell you
The story of the ink on my skin.

Maybe you'll give me the words
You want to forget.
Maybe I'll tell you why I need to remember.

Maybe.

Heaven and hell in five letters.

If you were a poem,
I'd hold you real tight,
Crumple your fragile edges
In a white-knuckled grip.
I'd study you by candlelight
And your secrets quietly allege.

If you were a poem,
Would you even be mine?
Would such a lovely thing
Belong in my desperate hands?
Your heart could contain answers,
But I'm still questioning.

If you were a poem,
Could I ever be brave enough
To share the wonder you see
With the world you love?
The thing is that you were the
Selfless one; it was never me.

If you were a poem,
I'd memorize every stroke
Of your artful frame.
Then, with your words
Stowed in my heart,
I'd set you aflame.

I take all my thoughts of you
And throw them in a pine box.
Have to sit on the lid though,
Because they all pile up,
And the lid won't shut.
My feet can't touch the floor.
The box gives a rasping cough
And little memories tumble out,
Scraps of technicolor confetti
In my hair and on the floor.

Toy soldiers resume their guard
Over that pine box with a beating heart.
Draped in a veil of translucent lace,
Hold me together or pull me apart.

Music making my eardrums bleed,
It's all just catharsis in the end.
Confetti on the floor,
Base in my pulse,
Take my heart and do the work
For a little while.
I'll sit here with ink bleeding from my fingertips
Until every single thought of you is gone.

The two of us were, me and you, you and I,
Two ugly truths and a lovely lie.

My prayer is that one day you will understand,
Maybe, understand what I did,
Understand that I did what I did for both of us.
But mostly you.
You see, it was never about me.
Not even now.
You may think me cold and callous
-heartless-
But I'm not.
You see,
I broke my own heart to save yours.
You will put yourself back together
And move on one day,
But I will still be stuck an infinite loop
Of mind games and second-guessing.
Maybe one day, you'll understand
That I shattered us (me!) because I loved you.