You can't change your physicality,
but you can change your thoughts.

When you left me,
I watered
the wilted flower of myself
with poetry, and knowledge,
and self-love,
and ever so slowly,
I blossomed
into the most
beautiful carnation.

Dear underclassmen,
You will learn so much.
You’ll learn that when seniors tell you the main stairs are only for upperclassman they’re lying, that freshman Friday isn’t a thing, and elevator passes aren’t actually real.
You’ll learn WWII started in 1939 and it was the bloodiest of them all.
You’ll learn that sometimes, things don’t have to be ****** to be painful.
Sometimes sterile wounds heal the slowest.
High school will teach you to love with a vigor you didn't see coming and to hate with a passion you never saw possible, and you’ll find that after feeling them both so deeply, it sometimes becomes impossible to tell the difference between the two.
You’ll learn about drugs- that they don’t always come in little ziplock bags or orange pill bottle.
You’ll learn that often times, they don’t come in powder or pills at all- they come in words on a page or in blue eyes staring at you through wayfarer glasses that are so clouded you find yourself wondering how they can even see the world around them.
You’ll find your drug- everyone does. You’ll know you’re addicted because to you, it's what keeps the earth spinning on its axis; it's what puts the stars in the sky; it's what you see when you hear the word love.
You'll get addicted to something, and you’ll lose it, and you’ll move on.
You’ll learn that things can change in the blink of an eye, which is just as fast as we are to post our emotions in 180 characters or less, just as fast as we are to scrutinize others for who they love, what they wear,
and what they’re addicted to.
Things change as fast as the speed of sound: 186,282 miles per second.
I learned that in chemistry.
I also learned that Fleen Dog wasn't kidding when he said if you lean in too close to a Bunsen burner your hair will catch on fire.
I've learned that if you don’t stay in the inexhaustible realm of school dress code, you’re a delinquent, but if you wear hoodies everyday, you’re a scrub. If you don't, you're a try-hard.
I've learn that for some reason the word try-hard is an insult.
I've learned that stares can be so heavy you can physically feel the weight of their eyes pushing down on your back as they watch your every move, but more importantly I've learned that those stares only matter if you actually let them.
You’ll learn that often times- there is no correct answer and sometimes you just have to choose what you believe is the most right option because it’s better to guess than to do nothing at all.
You'll learn that even in science, not everything is black and white,
that sometimes the best way to learn is by diving in head first, and if you feel your skull crash into the bottom of the pool, know that you will resurface.

There are some things in life
that you have to do knowing
you're going to lose.
Life isn't a game, and
you'll never be crowned winner,
so stop racing to the finish.
Walk tall.
Walk slow.
Savor every step,
and I promise you,
losing won't feel so bad.

When burnt rays of
amber sunlight ooze through
my white window blinds
on a Sunday morning,
it's easy to fall in love with life.
At 2 AM on another sleepless
week night, you make it impossible.

Normal people would have forgotten.
They would've moved on
or at least convinced
themselves they had.
It's been a year since
I last felt your skin,
but as I lay in bed
I still remember its texture vividly.
It's been a year and
I still can't call myself
a normal person.

When you left,
you took so much with you,
and I'm still grappling around,
trying to fill the void.