When you left, I thought you were gone.
at least that part of me did. the part you always let down.
the part that waited up for you, when you never came around.
Such a small gesture, with an impact so profound.
I learned to be stand up guy, from all my let downs.
learned from the school of hard knocks, graduated with cap and gown.  
I'm finding my way, going through all these up and downs.
getting rid of all this dead weight, can't let it hold me down.
push comes to shove, i gotta find that common ground.
because what goes up, most come down so if you can't swim you drown. That's how most kings lose their crown. Success waits for no one, especially with Karma lurking around.

The night I kissed you for the first time you shoved my lips to yours like I was a drop of water and you were burning in hell, which is where I can imagine later you shall be. You were forceful, driven by your **** with all the blood in your bottom head instead of where it should be, your brain. Sometimes I wonder if you ever wonder what life would be like if that night wouldn't have happened. If you ever contemplate where you would be now if you would have listened to the words from my mouth repeat over and over that night you first kissed, "NO". I wonder if you ever think about the first time you kissed, the first time you went farther than you should have, the time you went past my boundries when my words of "no", my cries and screams, kicking and punching didnt seem to sink in that I wasnt enjoying myself and that I DIDN'T want to do THAT. Or I wonder if you sit there and contemplate the other girls, the ones who sit here just like me, perhaps writing poems about the guy who went too far when they were just a young a girl, the ones who took years before they would finally admit what happened, the ones who were in denial, the ones who blamed themselves forever thinking they were "asking for it". I wonder if you sit in your cell and think about the first night you kissed, us.

I look around a room full of strangers and wonder how many of them send pills down their throat every morning just to feel normal, and how many of them are strong enough to deal with their ****** up minds on their own, and how I am not.

I live to die and die to know,
The way of life the blood of flow,
Remember all you can't restrain,
You captivate the dream with pain,
My nightmares haunt and nothing's real,
Forever will I bleed to feel,
The corner helpless of my eyes,
Distort the horror of my lies,
I’ll try to run but I will fall,
I’ll try to hide but then stand tall,
You know the cold and I feel numb,
Feeling destroyed I will succumb,
A craving to hard to ignore,
The tears from my eyes they pour,
A hurting to deject to tame,
a toneless voice I cannot name,
A place that puts your hell to shame,
And that’s my mind a wilting flame.

Give me another needle,
make sure it's good and sharp,
stick it deep into my arm,
in this very chilly room so dark.
Take the tape and puff of cotton,
cover up the ****** hole,
leave me then feeling forgotten,
beneath these blankets shivering cold.