I live in fear
                  and worry.

While I'm here

everything is a slight
                           against me.

                           Noone to go to and
          nowhere to flee

                 The only thing keeping me
   here is money

Tell me all is well
                                        No need
to hurry

But the clock
is ti           ck   ing

                                                                 I can't see

                                                       what I'm mis sing               ?

              nothing matters

                               more
                        than money  ?

Inward fury
The creative jewelry
A mind plagued with fire
As it counts every turgid wire
Time spent here is sorely a waste
The mind surely starts to operate at a slow
and let's be honest
******* pace
**** this place.

Crawling into my own head space
only reminds me of the mediocrity
that climbs the walls of every town and city.
Every thought that races furious around
my brain screams
that I can never be the curious one.
Just the One who observes and never truly
finds his home.
Just the One who whimpers
among those who talk big
and in arrogant tones.

An unfamiliar thing that
never embeds itself in-
to my being.
Talk of arrogance - everyone has it.
Even those who are above it.
Even the One who is not amongst the arrogant,
because he is alone with it. He does not
confide it.
For the One who sits alone confides only in himself
and shares his arrogance with nobody.
Why else would his self indulgent scripture be titled as it is?

**** this feeling.
I thought it was all over and it was,
but today it came reeling
back in, to damage my contentment.
There's no comfort here.
There never was

and never will be.
I thought it was dead to me.
Thought it was all for the best.
Here's to hoping it will die again
and you with it. Here's to hoping
one day my mind will be able to rest.

I’ll only say this once, and once a ******* lone.
There’s a problem to address, and yes, there’s a reason for my tone.
You’ve been prancing around me blissfully, and in a few seconds’ time,
you’ll think of someplace else wishfully. Once I say. Just once.
It’s certainly not fair when I’m the one removing the hair from that hole.
I’m a sick ******* but I have no lust for disgust.
After my mind is perused, I’m angry and confused. The possibility
dawns on me that it could well be your *****.
Or the gel ridden, straw-like hair on your head.
That image fills me with a different kind of dread.
With this in mind, I’ll be shuddering with repulsion,
Trapped later in life with memories of physically indulging
my hand your slimy Barnet. Believe me, that’s not normal hair,
so don’t start telling me to calm it.
Or no…perhaps…

It’s sent my mind searing, it’s ever so weird
to, for one moment, consider that you have the ability of growing a beard.
You’re baby-faced, commonplace, and don’t have a thought worth hearing.
You’re still a child, a mental ******, and to top it off, a beard is now appearing.
Well that’s great. Another thing I have to deal with.
Can you not take care of your own affairs?
If I were you I’d encase all the little hairs
in a purse of some kind, so you’ll always pay mind
to the fact that you now look like a man
despite being a ****. Miraculous. I must say, I’m a fan.
Well I guess now it doesn’t even matter,
your face is bare and the bath tub is spattered. I’m shattered.
This isn’t how I pictured my early years, wasting furious tears over beards.
If only early on I had been told, that eventually I would end up
staring in outrage daily at your beard in the plughole.

The hollow comfort is your ideal state.
When nothing’s lacking or wholly great.
You’re too unhappy to fall behind,
and too content to change.
The small pleasures are the world,
and the societal ‘leisures’ are no longer your mask.

The ecstasy is the excitement. The looming
joy, the ideal and the desired are all it takes to tip you.
It’s a rare and tainted feeling,
where your mind is in the warm clouds, and your feet
are reluctantly rooted to the cold concrete.
It’s easy for the dream to melt into ash and dust,

and once this goes amiss,
you plummet into the gaping abyss,
and the things you cared about before
are already nothing because you’ve tasted much more.
You can’t even see the precipice from amongst the rocks.
A shattered statute shadow. What were you like before?

You can chase it back and do it again.
You know you can climb.
You know it.

Trapped in the anxiety
created by society.
It forged a mist and it won't let us go.

Feel the churning hollow pain
at the centre of your brain.
There's nothing really there,
and if there is, why care?

They'll ask you what the point is,
a question that still taunts us,
but the question makes no difference,
and the judgment has no existence.

Should we, or could we flee?
Will we ever be free?
We run, but it's always near.

The unshifting terror, strapping you down.