I haven't produced anything in the longest because I've just been drowning in my thoughts, but this time I decided to write until the song was over. I could do it and just think of nothing in particular. I could release the words and watch them dance in formation while nothing happened in my head... But the sound stopped and I got worried because I realized I don't have anything to say. Where did all the words go? Why was I so afraid of living without a voice?
I kept staring at the ceiling fan reminding me of a dog chasing its tale, but the breeze relieved me. It kept me from sweating as your heart pounded in my ear begging me to answer your question.
I knew the answer you wanted, but I couldn't give it to you could I?
I spent so much time focusing on the one I lost, so much time knowing that she was the girl of my dreams that I was afraid to wake up.
As long as I stayed asleep I didn't have to live in a world where she didn't walk next to me every day.
Your eyes were burning a hole in my face.
So I burnt a hole in the ceiling fan.
Wishing and hoping it would take me away like a propeller on a helicopter.
Same concept right?
I wasn't going to escape this question that there was no right answer to.
You asked again maybe thinking I didn't hear you, but I heard you clearly both times when you said, "I love you."
I love you is the biggest question in the world that doesn't follow with a question mark.
I sat there wasting away in my car, because I remembered when I had done this with you.
I had just gotten home, and my ear was to the phone, smiling widely at this dream come true.
Your voice was like music bellowing through the speaker coupled with the most angelic tones.
Now I sit reminiscing, wandering and remembering while roaming looking for new homes.
Sunsets are pointless and the rises are stupid since you they all neglect to include.
I belong in your life, and the same goes for you, but I'm not bold enough to intrude.
So sit in your car after a long drive home, laughing as your legs can't bend,
and I'll be here too, with lost thoughts of you hoping this paralysis would end.
I couldn't get out of my car, because I was tired, and then this piece formed in my brain.
I think it's stupid that you're gone, and the stars are still around. Every night I can look to the stupid sky and see the shimmering light from too many stupid years ago but I can't see you.
I think it's stupid that I told someone how angry this made me, and they were stupid enough to say, "maybe they're up there too." I've never made anyone feel that stupid with a look before.
I think it's stupid that you're gone but the stupid voicemail you left me saying, "I love you" is still around and you're nowhere to be found.
I think it's stupid that there are still phone booths, crayons and wite-out on this stupid paradoxical planet, but not something people still want around.
I think it's stupid that...
I just think it's so stupid that I let you tell me that you'd always be here for me, because I knew I was stupid enough to believe you if I ever became stupid enough to let you say it to me.
I think it's stupid that I let you drive to me that night knowing how dangerous the stupid black ice was going to be to your stupid blue car.
I think it's stupid that you loved me enough, to be stupid enough to drive here in the first place.
But really, ultimately, I think it's just so **** stupid that I was stupid enough to watch them bury you under six-feet of stupid Earth, and not say goodbye.
I'm sorry I'm stupid.
I'm okay, I promise.
I first saw you beneath a cotton candy colored sky, and life had never been sweeter.
The sun fell swiftly beyond the buildings caressing the tips of the sky and gave room for the stars to play.
I first saw you beneath a cotton candy colored sky, and life has been sweeter ever since.
I'm surrounded by silence and no one willing to hear me out.
I hear the singing of birds, the dancing of trees and the cries of laughter.
Oh how I long to sing back, itch to dance along and cry to laugh.
But, alas I have no one I can do these things with...
I am alone
Don't get me wrong, I am honored to be the chosen one out of my lifeless brothers and sisters, to have the opportunity to feel, but can anyone help me find a point in being different-
in feeling if I feel alone.
Every now and then some of my cells venture off bravely in exploration of someone I can call a friend, but lately they seem to be, I don't know...
mad at me...
They keep destroying parts of me and replacing them with cheap prosthetic's.
I just wish they liked me more-
I wish they'd just let me be enough-
I just wish they'd take care of me...
Anyway, maybe one day they'll come back with good news, but until then I'll just be alone.
This is a piece I wrote quite some time ago, but didn't really have character so I finished it tonight, and I made the Earth seem insecure. (I really like personifying things.)