Your eyes told me a story and I'm still lost.

I welcome this world that's falling into pieces beginning from the folds of lightly worn creases breaking apart until all hope collides with all that's left of our old lives. Finally as the cloud of dust trails through the air I begin reconstruction through the rubble's despair. I find pieces of you, next to pieces of hope, and the dirtiest spots next to boxes of soap. Continuing my search through all that remains I find small pieces of cracked picture frames. Frames that had smiles and memories of before of pictures of happiness that I've grown to abhor. With emotions rushing toward I relent from sadness understanding that accompanied by denial is madness I must hold on to the truth that lies beneath the lies of the truth that once lie in your eyes. Understanding now of what all this means I proceed through the life that lies beneath the beams. The beams of foundation that once held me high, high with a smile that lit up the sky. I search and I search for the one thing I need to rid me of this memory and just set me free and there it was in a corner of it's own, a maker of light that can now freely roam. With a flick of my wrist I ignite the light with lights orange and yellow of lights burning bright I walk away feeling the heat of the past burning away the memory of a destroyed world at last.

Resonating like harmonics through the air from a grand piano run your words telling me you love me, you miss me, you need me, but never goodbye.

Waiting for the music to begin after a grand pause I sat in front of the colors, realizing everything was indeed black and white. I began to tell my story. The music filled the air but died immediately and fell from the sky upon deaf ears.

Bewildered faces of all who were awaiting the music scattered the room. Nervously I began again only this time was louder than before. Adding new twists and turns and free moments of my life's cadence I released more than I ever desired for anyone to hear and still nothing. As the walls pilfered the sounds all who awaited began to lose patience.

Immediately I regretted even sitting and beginning but it was too late. To arise and leave a shadow was all that was left. Eyes forward,  I departed bringing along a new emptiness which accompanied me down the stairs lying below my dead words.

No sooner than I reached the last step did ghost notes sing through the air followed by applause. Then was my biggest mistake, I turned around.

Humanity is a fickle thing, but it's impossible to feel otherwise. Inescapably, regrettably, powerlessly human in every moment of my life except when I'm with you. With you I'm a whirlwind of contradiction; just as hot and cold meet I live uncontrollably in my own head, spinning and whirling trying to feel normal again. When I'm with you I feel unbreakable without a single weakness in sight until you're all I see. The one thing making me an unstoppable force destroyed by you, the unmovable object. When I love you I'm powerless and lost just like every other fool humanity has destroyed , but I can't be beaten. I find myself parading aimlessly in your perfect presence feeling vulnerable with your hand around my heart to crush or to massage. You're the only exception to the only constant in my life making me feel impossibly yet unstoppably human.

I learned to live loosely, lovingly and loudly. Loving every loose moment of every loud life living around me.
Leaving light lingering on grounds and sky like leaves leaving in the fall I left before life decided to leave me.
I left to look for a love to lean on for life, and for myself to loan a moment to live for.
To listen, to long for, just long enough to look like a sky-lit sunbeam.
The loquacious levity of the life lasting around me lived lividly, keeping its eyes open, looking for lucidity.

I thought I could beat it.
I thought I was better than it.
I wasn't. I was only human.
I fought for a day I promised myself would come, because I was ready to be invincible. That idea, the innocent, unchanging, unbreakable idea that I created in my head was the realist thing I had ever known. The idea of something flawless, pristine, and timeless was the perfect constant to an ever-changing variable. Only one thing could ever crush something as unbreakable as an idea, and that was the idea itself coming to life.
Willing itself into a reality I couldn't control, it appeared in a body, in a name, and in the eyes of someone I had never known. It was there, but it felt different. I became an invincible vessel to a vulnerable outcome. My greatest weakness became the idea I had once hoped would make me indestructible. Instead, I found myself a slave to the hope I hoped would enslave the fear of being forgotten.
I found myself human.
Better, battered, beaten, but never broken I became invincibly vulnerable.
Finally, I knew I could beat it.
I knew I was better than it, because I indeed was human.
Beautifully, yet impossibly human.

It’s cold outside and the leaves have taken refuge in the tall untrimmed grass. Night comes quicker and the sun works part-time these days. Inside, the three brothers fluctuate the heat just enough to stay warm and keep their wallets trimmed at the same time. They were running around finalizing the last parts of The Holiday. The Holiday fell on a Wednesday and they were ready for the best time of the year.

6:29 PM was what the time read on every clock with the exception of the clock in the bathroom which ran ahead 4 minutes to ensure promptness. They would be here in seconds. With last mirror checks they ran to the living room awaiting the knocks on the door.

6:30

PM Only one knock came through from result of the eagerness of the eldest, two young ladies walked through one after the other. Hugs were given all around but kisses only exchanged between 4. It was time to leave but one guest was still missing.

6:42 PM

five are in attendance awaiting the sixth, four of them restless and the other worried. Figuring a reasonable amount of time has passed since call number 2 he then redials the phone contact, “My Love” and puts the phone to his ear. On the other end a cell phone is ringing somewhere with the caller ID “Him <3” but again no answer. Pacing the room now brother 2 of 3 is beginning to lose composure despite the comforting words of his 4 companions. Prepping to call again, his phone rings and is answered before the melody on his phone began. It was her.

Gleaming with relief and joy number 2 answers with a bright and hopeful, “hello” followed by a confused, “Yes I am.” His brothers and their beautifully dressed guests watch hopelessly as they realize it’s not who it is supposed to be. The phone now away from his face the receiver is asking in the room if he was still on the line. Sinking to the earth but caught by the floor he dropped the phone.

6:53 PM

Eleven minutes later they arrived at the scene of the accident ... Glass sparkles from a mixture of the newly fallen snow and the lights from the emergency sirens. Running toward the stretcher where she laid lifeless the downcast officer tried to restrain the inconsolable young man. When he reached her he grabbed her hand repeatedly saying her name and imploring her to come back. it was when he began kissing her bloodied and torn hands that they lost him forever. Kissing her hand in hopes to revive his lost love did he then come upon the diamond engagement ring he given her the day before, only hours prior to the last time he would have heard her say I love you, or anything for that matter.

As the man hit the ground his brothers were there immediately at his side as they watched the ambulance drive off, taking her further and further away from him on the last holiday he would ever remember.

6:59 PM