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always wanted a part
in a film
so I asked a director if he'd give me a break
and the director told me: "Break a leg"
and I thought he'd meant me to get
experience for a disaster movie
(sort of Stanislavsky's method acting)
so I did

but I never got a part;
the director just laughed and waved me away -
but at least I was in the cast for weeks
I tried to hide it all inside
I tried to keep everything at ease
But what I didn't know--
something that often happens to me --

Was that I,
I was bringing pain to myself.

I kept my thoughts to myself
Wondering, does anybody ever wonder?
Wonder?
Wonder as I do?

We live in a place
A place that needs to be reminded
Reminded.
Reminded so often

That we are all loved.

Some show it
Some say it
Some feel it
Everyday. Everyday of their lives.

*But I guess that isn't enough
 Sep 2014 Lambert Mark Mj
ohjamie
Five fingers up
Are you ready to play?
Look around the room
Five strikes and you’re out.

"Never have I ever:
Fallen in love.”
Do you remember him?
It’s been years,
You don’t remember as much
As you used to,
But you remember exactly how he made you feel.
Thumb down.

"Never have I ever:
Had *** to make myself feel better.”
Well, I mean, you tried.
You thought *** with a stranger would make you feel better.
You did it not to feel better,
But to feel something.
Remember the first time it happened?
He changed the way you think about ***.
Because he treated you as if you were nothing
But to be of use.
Lust is lust.
And that was it—
The first of many.
Pointer finger down.

"Never have I ever:
Been on an airplane.”
Oh goodness, you love the clouds.
The sky…
How long has it been since you’ve been home?
Moving away isn’t easy
Especially when you’re alone,
And you’re too poor to buy
Plane tickets.
******* down.

"Never have I ever:
Had sushi.”
What?! Sushi is amazing.
That day when you were hurt
Alone, scared, and sad
Your face was stuffed with
Ice cream, chips, cookies,
And sushi.
Of course.
Ring finger down.

You’re down to your last finger,
Which one will it be?
The one last strike
That will bring more unease.

"Never have I ever:
Hurt myself.”
Destroy what destroys you;
That’s what they say.
But have they ever wondered,
What if I destroy myself?
So after I realized this
I made a plan
To avoid feeling pain,
As much as I can.

Every boy to spark a flame
Has always disappointed.
So feelings I must tame
To keep myself guarded.
Cause there’s already been so much pain
That I’ve brought upon myself.

I hope too much and this is my flaw
I keep a cold front,
But you’re just too hot.
Don’t melt me now,
Your hugs are too warm
And your kisses aren’t empty.
I’m not used to this.
It’s all in my head.

But truly, help me
I don’t like this.
Because honestly…
Never have I ever
Felt this way.
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