I watched my neighborhood park
undergo a transformation
on a warm autumn morning
that carried the smell of dew and maple
the sun peeked through the trees
reflecting off the yellows reds and oranges
illuminating them
till you could swear they had caught fire
crisp air threw amber leaves skyward
raining down like golden confetti
to be collected for jumping into
by the laughing children

i heard this kid screaming and cussing the other day while eating lunch in the kitchen
through the window he goes on from his bike
about how i need to loosen up and this and that
and i thought
what a handsome young man
how very fine he is
a true performer

I am everything you want me to be
Good girl
Good grades
Good school
Good friends

I am everything you made me into
Brokenhearted
Doubtful
Restless
Disappointed

Believe me, I am everything you wanted me to be
And everything you had not expected of me

You are my kith my kin, my one remaining daughter
But I struggle to love you as a father ought to
I've tried so hard again and again
But looking at you just causes me pain

I look in your eyes and all I can see
Is your sister looking back at me
I feel again my heart being wrenched
As the pain pulses back, agony unquenched

How can I be the best father to you
When all I can think is there should be two
I have failed you both, I can't love you that way
Since she didn't come home that awful day

I'd gladly swap places, let my daughters be free
That drunken driver may as well have killed me
I'm sorry I've failed the pair of you girls
To keep you safe and cherish you like pearls

You look so alike, it's scarily true
I try not to see her, just the beauty of you
But it's all I can do not to break down and cry
And cry and cry and cry and cry
Oh why oh why oh why oh why
Dear God,  why?

As you travel into life's sunset before me,
walk slowly My Love.  
Wait up My Love.
I am not far behind.
Following in the foot steps
you revealed to me
as you My Love
walked in the path to a new day.
Watch for me. For I am coming.
It won't be long now til
we are hand in hand again.

most nights
i'm only loving you
in fragments,
i'm only loving
you in death

i wander your
mind like a child in
search of it's mother,
but you were
orphanages
not loving homes

only drugs can
compare to
the feeling of
disillusion
i had when i was
with you.

i love you,
i crave
you