My pride, closed my mouth shut.
My pride, is wrapped in a chain towards my luck.
My pride, ripped the curtains off the wall
My pride, has me walking alone, oblivious to them all.
My pride, couldn't even make me shed a tear,
Death is real.
My pride, why couldn't I cry ?
My pride, flips a frown when I keep my head up to the sky,
My pride, shrinks my insides to dry.
My pride, sometimes, breaks my heart.
My pride, sometimes, I do not want.
My pride, kept my soul in shame.
My pride, keeps my spirit in the rain.
My pride, oh I wonder why you make me feel this way,
My pride, no matter what you say,
My pride, I will you put you aside,
And be thankful for what I have today.


©MH

I shall pass through this period of life,
This pain is only temporary,
So I only have one more chance to do it right !
Take a step towards freedom,
Picture that distant smile,
At the end of the light.
Please lord, let me shine !

©MH

Everyday,
Is like the first day of class to me.
A vow to never speak to strangers,
Even the word of " hello "
Puts my soul in danger to escape my own reality.
My best friend, anxiety tells me to become nervous from that one syllable,
Keep your chin down low
And never speak on anything after it.
" I hope the teacher never picks on me to speak. "
Wish I knew,
About insecurities on the first day...
I hide all my pain,
All my struggle,
Into a mute that could never enunciate, or a quiet boy lost in space, too scared speak a word.
And it's only the first day.
Stuff all my frustration, god given patience into
A voiceless, half broken man carved an empty space they call
A Desk.
Written at the top is a list of found things I claim to be desire, which is truly lost
Monday... Through... Friday...

Then again, therapy came in & science class became my favorite,
Everyday I'm working on figuring out a formula
Of how I can slip out of these chains
And be just like the cool kids, laughing, having a deep discussion, remembering how it was on the first day of school.
From this day forth, I scream hope.


©MH

Acceptance to become a introvert forever,
Became a oath under my broken tongue.
Only spatting out short and simple words I can fluently produce..
" Its going to get better "
" You won't go through this long "
The therapist said,
As my body language feeds yes,
But my eyes screams no.
    " I don't ever want that feeling again ! "
Said my spirit in compliance with my eyes
I'd rather, be my own best friend than to make friends..
I'd rather, close my mouth about my fears than to be judged by all my peers
I'd rather, walk home by myself than to walk with someone else.
Not knowing I was walking towards my innocence to the B L I N D.
Step,
By,
Step..

I'd rather say no.
I made the decision to become trapped inside my own world.

©MH

I get pulled out of class every Tuesday and Thursday to basically face my fears. The nice, warm, voice of the speech therapist smoothes my anxiety as she begins to tell me about how she can help me and shows me how our body is like a seed, water is the soul and our minds is like roots on a tree. My spirit feels safe. Then, she pulls out a passage to read....

(The room was filled with laughter,
The room was filled with laughter,)

Instantly, my nervousness comes back and I begin to choke on every syllable and adverbs. I sigh in a hopeless depression because I'm trying my best to fight against ... Myself.
The speech therapist tells me to try again... No matter how many times I messed up it seemed like she was always  there to guide my way to increase hope even though I felt powerless. I never stop trying. This moment made me feel like everything will be alright and I can push through anything, even though it might take alittle time because of what I have, as long as I keep trying, I can take that fear, destory it, use it to my advantage in the future and maybe be an inspiration to others that went through a similar situtation.
Welcome to chapter 2.

I don't have the best vocabulary,
Surely dont know anything about rhyme schemes,
If you asked me I couldn't tell the difference between a simile or a metaphor.
Ballads, Sonets, Triplets,
Doesn't really help me write more
I've been through it all and sometimes I don't have time to finish writing.
But I am still a poet,
Respect my story.

I never understood,
Why I was going through so much pain..
I was a absent minded, quiet boy who finally steped up and speaked,
Got laughed at by all my peers,
So I sat down, in defeat.
Hypnotized in silence thinking about how words is now my number one fear.
Sticks and stones may break your bones
But words can NEVER hurt me ?
It can crush you, maybe not physically
Mentally, it felt like a heavy handed, boxer's punch
Hitting my soul in the 1st round
And he's down for the count.
1...
2...
3...
4...
5...
6...
7...
8...

-I get pulled out of class before the bell rings.


©MH