It's been 288 hours since you last fixed your curtains
I know since the moonlight covers the very same spot on my bare skin
like it did 12 days ago
I let my eyes feast around your darkened room
by now I've already memorized
every crack and fold of your ceiling
I know the names of the ghosts
that used to spend their nights on your bed
the very same spot I would like to think is mine
mine, in the sense of give and take
where I barter my body when you feel cold and in need of a filler
and in exchange, you give me space
inside that room you call your safe haven
where I give you my breathless moans
for your sweet whispers
and where I give you my mouth
so you could love something about me

but as I find comfort in your arms
your deep kisses stroke my fear
this kind of solace never lasts
and soon
I'd be homeless again.

Confusion
Oh, for the love of the younger me
Torn between feelings for my teenager lovers
Protecting my heart from the lying *******
I ran from their clutches and I spread my wings

Somehow, one of them gets to follow me
On the devil playground call modern directory
Gazing into my life day after, day after day
making it seem like getting older make us restless and hopeless. .

Oh, for the love of the younger me
Torn between my feelings for my teenager lovers
Still running and protecting my heart from their lies
Those lying ******* from my youth

Meow power does exist.

We slipped into a fallout
Mind in a disarray
My fidelity not quite up to tee
Our words are transient, soon to expire
These actions seem too spontaneous much too eccentric for you or me
My apology seems imperial
Like the most important thing to come between us two
Soon our differences become elusive
And me hating you can't help but seem paradoxical

I'm buying knick-knacks
to bring to Heaven.
Odds and ends to
comfort me
when I cross over.
Little things to
remind me
of living
on this planet.

I'm packing mementos
to bring to Heaven.
Small things
that will remind me
of everyone
I knew on earth.
Articles of
collectibles
that I can hold
or look at
when
I miss them.

Feet are walking,
albeit slower,
to the door that
leads to release.
The bright light
I've heard about
will be shining
for me.

Maybe I'll be
like a toss of smoke?
Able to watch
the final performance.
Check out
who bought tickets
and
who
declined to attend.
Flicker around
the homes and places
where my loved ones
live their days.

Will I be able
to touch them?
This I do not know.
If so,
I'll stroke
cheeks with fondness,
informing them
of how I valued
them in my
physical form.

I wonder if
I will find
knick-knacks of me
in their
hearts?

For hours, I tried to sleep.
The rain drums down on the tin roof;
the demons are knocking.
I see their tears stream down the window;
a cleverly designed artifice to distract
from their true intent.
I ignore their subtle attacks, but they always
find a way back in.
I watch their shadows drift in through
the windows;
morphing from one shape into another,
hovering around me,
their whispered breaths cloud the air –
there is barely a space unfilled by their presence.
I can’t seem to chase them away, and I’m
wrapped up into their world.
Empty, cold and alone,
my reality remains stranger than any dream.

© Sia Jane