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muteD Mar 2019
**** me .
Just end it all .
Use those words you threw like daggers .
and aim for my heart
Finish it all.
Grab a stake
and nail me to the wall .
I’d rather feel nothing at all ,
Than to feel lost .
Short poems arent my specialty or my style but quality over quantity any day.
muteD Mar 2019
No one truly appreciates me
Or the stuff I do .
Everything is all about what I can do
for
You and you and you ,
I give and give and give
And everyone just takes .
They take until there’s nothing left ,
Until I’m nothing but left -
overs .
Until I’m nothing but a mere carcass ,
An empty shell of
What used to be
And what I used to be .
Someone who used to mean a lot to me said this to me. In that moment, I realized that no one truly gets me. This was said to me with to the intent of manipulating me into doing what that person wanted. As soon as I showed a little hesitation, they hit me where they knew it would hurt.
muteD Mar 2019
I want you to chase me
when I walk away.
To put in a little effort.
Show me you care,
Show me that you want me around.
Show me you want me here.
I need your reassurance,
Someone’s..
Anyone’s..
Preferably yours.

I want you to pay attention to me.
I want your time.
No scheduling,
No planning.
I want to see you whenever we’re free.
No sneaking,
No meetups.
I want someone to see
When I wake up.
Day after day,
Month after month,
I want years with the same one .
I want to appreciate every single second
Every breath I take in your presence
I want to
Cherish every accidental touch
Every smile that lights up your face
Every word that makes my heart race
I want the same
Friday nights movie dates
I want the “I’m on my way home ,
You want a milkshake?”
A “text me when you make it home,
So I know you’re safe.”
I want there to be no distance between our minds.
I wanna know all of your thoughts ,
And I want you to want to know all of mine.

I want you to have time for me .
Don’t make time when you’re free,
Like you have to put a reminder in your schedule
Just to see me.
Saying you miss me
Knowing you only miss the pleasure
I can bring you.
I want you to want my mind
as much as you want what’s between my thighs.

I want to be known
By you.
Truly.
I wanna fall in love with your words
because I know they’re true
not because you’re only saying them
because they’ll benefit you.
I want more from you than you can offer me.
Even if I have to beg,
I’d beg
For you to **** me instead.
Just off me!
Only two things I plead
The fifth and insanity.
I want more things than I deserve to want.
Because the thing about “I deserve”
Is that you don’t deserve a thing
In life, except the right to breathe.

So, what do I want you ask?
I want someone to want me.
Everyone kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas and all I wanted was to feel wanted. I didn’t get that though.
muteD Mar 2019
my head hurts .
it always hurts .
something always hurts .
whether it’s my head or my heart
something is always in pain .
torturous pain..
the type of pain that’ll make you scream ,
scream until your throat is bleeding .
scream until you can’t scream no more .
scream until your scream is tired of you .

that’s what I think I need to do .
I need to scream
and get out all of my anger .
I need to let go .
but I can’t .
I can’t let my dam crack open .
duct tape won’t keep that flood at bay .
all of my control
would have bolted for the door .
and why?
why because
my anger would like nothing more than to swallow me whole .
to drown me in nothing but sorrow
and an intense feeling of
hate .
seasoned and conditioned just right ,
my anger would have me hating everyone .
even more so than I hate myself .
and I do hate myself .
I hate the person I used to be
and I hate the person I’m becoming .
I can’t lie to myself anymore ,
I really don’t know who I am
outside of my madness .
outside of each one of my issues
lies a baby girl who used to pure .
untainted and not molded yet ,
a perfect example of how anything can happen to anyone .
doesn’t matter who you are .
Anger has a way into shaping you into the person it wants you to be..
muteD Mar 2019
why must it always end this way ?
the feeling of being unwanted .
unappreciated .
unloved .
by the ones who are supposed to love
the real me
the most .

what do you do when you're thrown into a tidal
wave of emotions ?
a hurricane of thoughts
i feel like a tsunami
has wrecked the last bits
and pieces
of my saneness .
my sanity .
my reason .
trying to hold on
is just so tiring .
especially when it seems as though
no one wants to see you achieve your dreams .
discouragement is such a tiresome feeling .

exhaustion is also a feeling I know all too well .
always on go .
doing what I thought would keep
you at bay
but as always
you can't even say it to me .
hiding behind what you think would protect
you .
like a child .
oh i wonder how that feels ?
to have someone who will fight your battles ,
for you .
instead of being on the opposing team .

i wonder how it feels to have a family .
my supposed "first" team ..
what's supposed to be my "main" support.
my lifelines
so what happens when the ones
you never thought would make you feel
the feeling you always feel the most ,
make you feel those feelings you hate feeling
the most ?

you crumble ,
even more so than before
you collapse and you decay
until you're nothing but
a fine powder that hopefully no one ingests .
pure crazy at it's finest ,
a drug for sure .
but , this one ?
It kills.
It’s always a daily battle, always something I’m fighting and I’m always alone.
muteD Mar 2019
you don't talk to me .
you talk at me .
you talk just so you'll have someone who'll listen .
and I always listen to you .
I listen to you
before you listen to me
and you never listen
to me .
It's like
I'm tuned into your channel
and you're tuned into yourself .
every single one of you
only care about yourselves
and it does not make any sense to me .
how can someone constantly pay attention to
you yet ,
you can only see details about yourself ?
selfish ,
rapacious ,
parsimonious .
different word ,
same meaning .
different people ,
same reaction .

how come some of us are destined to be
the ones who care
while others are the ones who get cared for ?
why am I forced to feel like when I'm talking
but not a soul is listening ?
in one ear and out the other
or maybe it goes right over your head ?
is it possible that every word I've spoken
has been ignored because of lack of interest ?
why is it that I'm always the one who fades
into the background ?
I'm the one who starts the story
but never gets to finish .
the one with so much to tell
but no one to tell it to .
the one who just wants to be heard
but has already been muted .

I am
mute .
This is something that been weighing heavily on my mind.
"
muteD Dec 2018
Crazy .
That's what I must be .
I must be losing my mind .
My head hurts so much ,
A self inflicted pain on accident ,
I swear .
What is happenening to me ?
Water falling from my eyes .
Mental pain turning physical ,
Why does my heart hurt ?
I feel like my mind is attacking itself .
World War One
all over
in my head
Bullets flying
Memories being killed
Can't be right ,
Trust me the pain is left
Left as in wrong this pain is wrong
Rambling
I'm rambling .
Crazy ,
I'm going crazy .
Mentally unstable .
Imagine being mentally unstable .
You can't , can you ?
Why would you want to imagine losing your
mind ?
Could you even imagine losing something that
was never yours ?
I feel like a wrecked ship
Lost at sea .
I'm lost in my head
Thinking so much
My head is pounding.
Started left only to consume everything right .

Wicked .
What a wicked curve
In this race of sanity .
Giving me the blueprints of a wild mind
One that can't possibly be mine
my mind
Can't possibly be breaking
Shattering .
I'm shattering .
Cracking
Into a million pieces .
It is me , I know that
But it's like I'm watching me
Fall apart ,
Feeling every single emotion
Almost as if I wrote this screenplay
A movie of my own downfall
Written by me .
Starring me .
But , it isn't me
It is me
But it isn't me
A broken me .
Beaten down and bloodied up ,
I wish I would have known
A broken mind continues to break
Until it's fully broken .
"This explains a mental breakdown really well for people that don't have them and I think that's really important."-TNB
"To me is explaining every woman and how we are called crazy but we are still strong enough to hold **** in."-L
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