I go out to dinner with a near stranger
we sit on the same side of the booth and
I think about how you're the only one who
knows how much I hate that

I drink a drink with ***** and lime and
***** and it almost makes me feel like
I know who I am when I'm with someone else

I don't think of you often but last night I did
I remembered how your arms are the
only place where I am not self-conscious

I lie next to him on my balcony and
there are a lot of stars above us but
I'm the only one who notices

he is thinking about what I look like naked and
I'm counting how many hours of sleep
I will get if he leaves before 2

there is not an absence of feeling,
just a different kind than I'm used to
he touches my hand and I smile in
a way that doesn't feel forced

I spend a day with a near stranger and realize
there is so much he does not know about me,
so much he doesn't care to

like how I got my nose pierced at 14 or
the amount of time I spend in the mirror each morning
picking myself into something I can carry only semi-confidently

he only learns I can't ride a bike when he asks if I want to
he has no idea that my blonde is shielding a deep brown or
when I got the freckle above my lip or
the inch long scar underneath my chin

he doesn't care and that's okay
when he leaves we say I miss you but
in a different way than I'm used to

it is not a pain swelling to be morphined
nor is it a pulling from the gut but instead
it is the ever temporary desire to fill the excess lonely

we say I miss you and still mean it but
it is not the missing that a body feels for
a phantom limb

I am with him now and probably will be again but
moving on doesn't mean I don't miss you
it only means I'm trying not to

just because I'm all right doesn't mean
I don't wonder how you are
I can still be happy with the existence of a quiet ache

but yes I do
miss you,
I will until the day I can sleep without having to count sheep
I will miss you even if there are no stars in the sky to remind me

I don't think of you but last night I did
the moon was too bright and
I was the only one
who noticed

ek kyk vir die girl in die spieel en wonder of sy weet
*** hard ek probeer om haar te help vergeet
ek se vir haar ek hou van *** sy lag
en *** hoog sy mense wat dit nie verdien nie, ag
sy sug en trek haar skouers op en af
"die lewe is te kort om almal te straf"
se sy terwyl stadig wegkyk
en nog n stukkie van haarself weg smyt
ek fluister sag "as jy so aanhou gaan daar niks oor wees"
antwoord sy " ons is niks meer as vlees en gees
wanneer more kom, beteken vandag nie veel
als verander en tog niks want die son bly geel"
nikseegende donker oe kyk terug na my
ek is bevrees die girl gaan leeg bly

its not always sunshine and happiness
sometimes some days everythings a mess
i miss the comfort, i miss the cold
i miss not feeling so young, so old
i miss saying hello and waving goodbey
i miss the glue that killed me
that kept me alive

ek het iemand nodig om namens my te bid, te pleit
my gebede val soos ouds op dowe ore ongehoor
ek voel oud en alleen uit gesmyt
ek het nou op gehou pm te glo ek kan toor
ek het ver geval en seer gekry
ek het op gegee op my
my kop en my lyf probeer mekaar so ver moontlik vermy
weereens het ek myself verloor
ek is te moeg om op te staan om weer te begin soek
ek is bang vir die kry, die kruis verhoor
ek voel teen gekant en vervloek
ek is niks nie anyways

finally na jare se rusteloosheid
jare van verlore wees, rond soek na my
elke avenue na jaag, opskop en my kniee numb pleit
het ek my vrede om jou om my gekry
my en jou se safe place
weg van al die jare s elies en disgrace
ek vat my dae een vir een soos ek kans sien
en dit sal n lieg proe as ek nie se my verlange le diep
het altyd gedink as ek beter was sou ek jou verdien
maar ek was te naief, te jonk, te blind
het myself my gevoelnes verbied
ek was moeg vir wag, die seer, die verwyt
moeg vir die fluister van trane oor my wange en die verlange
ek wou nie die weggeooi meer wees, wou jou weg smyt
bang vir alleen wees, wou nie die faulty een wees, bang
ek het vir ons ons eie soace create
n safe place waar nie ek of jy mekaar ooit weer kan forsake
ek hoef jou nooit weer te soek want ek weet waar jy gaan wees
finally you can help chase away my fears

its in the space in between
in the sound of his voice, deep and mean
not what is there, but what is not
spaces so vast, emptiness forgot
my sins leave me without sleep
all my secrets i still keep
is that what you see when you look my way
did you, too, notice the decay
was that on your mind when you turn your back
do your thoughts linger on all i lack

ek is deurskykend, transparant, deurmekaar
opsoek na my vrede, my mensweesm my wees
ek voel so secondhand, so op gebruik, so klaar
bid vir verlossing, a trade in vir n nuwe vlees, nuwe gees, beter wees
my oe hoop op vol trane on gehuil
ek slaan lelike kolle uit in my sogenoemde persoonlikheid
maar dis alles ek, ek wat my vervuil
ek wat my eenkant hou, ek wat my uit smyt
ek wat ja se al wil als binne my nee skree
ek wat bly staan terwyl ek moes weg hardloop
ek wat myself wou uitvee
ek wat myself vir cheap thrills verkoop
maar hirdie ek is te oud om te kniel
hierdie ek word te oud om te glo
so ek staan waar ek staan en verniel
en ek bly staan sonder n tree en verloor
kyk dis ek wat hier staan, te sad om te bid
te seer om te huil, versteen deur my toedoen
daar is geen hande vat en aansit
maar ek dra dit met n smile want dis my skoen