We want to be remembered;
is that not why we fold
pieces of gum into
underbellies of tables,
stomp up silent stairs, slam
And is that not why we bury half finished
stained from lips and ashed
from the careless shakes of wrists?
Or throw empty bottles
as far as our arms allow
- so the satisfying clinks can reassure us
of those other things
as broken as our lives (and sometimes
We're afraid to be forgotten;
Edits four years later
for what i am
for everything that
i will now
have to be
i watched the breakfast club for the first time
today. it struck me as so real so honest so
raw except that allison said ‘when you
grow up your heart dies’ and i thought, no
you just get better at hiding it.
in case you want to know:
we were at your house,
by the green trees,
I made you wash your hands
in the river,
and you waved them
and I laughed
and you said: 'Say it,
say I'm dork.' -
and I wanted instead
I see photos
with a beard
(but no necklace)
that you won’t have to
shave it off
won’t be there.
Work in progress.
after you cut it
your crooked teeth
reluctance to bite,
that you're a coward
your inability to text
introduce me to yourfriends,
that you always wore the sameclothes
and looked odd
didn't believe inGodorlove
that I was smart,
This is an exercise to try not to miss you. I wrote this in red and drew pictures to go with it. I bet that says something.
P.s. I actually kind of liked your crooked teeth.
Fig.1. It was 5 days - 4 days? - but I can't forget it.
(By a road, brown buildings in the back, the filter is green - you
said you didn't know why. Half-smiles.)
Fig.2. Do you remember that you sent me this? Twice.
(Same place, I kiss your cheek, you pull a sad face, a man walks by
in the background.)
Fig.3. God, that stupid headband.
(Repeat again. Faces pressed, I smile big, you smile up, my hand is
on your shoulder.)
Fig.4. You said "The dots make it look arty." but that wasn't why I kept it.
(Art gallery, two shots.)
(At the bottom it says - I know that I will miss you.)
(Nowhere it says - I will keep this because you will forgot to.)