I get this feeling,
It sinks through my spine.
Sits in my bones.
Like an unwanted guest,
And I, the unwilling host.

The intruder finds its way to my feet.
Making my toes curl,
And tap.
Restlessly twitching,
As if ready to run.
But I'm not ready for anything.

My hands do the same.
Hard to hold anything,
With this earthquake
Terrorizing my body.
Cold and uneasy,
They cling to each other.

Is it just a chemical,
Artificial affliction?
Or a symptom,
Of all lost direction?
Where do I put
All this misplaced disruption?

Now find the pieces,
Paint the picture.
Find some reason
In this sloppy meter.
My understated explanation.

Pill one was bad,
It made me sick.
Didn't work too well.
The zombie i became,
Drove some away.
It made the monsters multiply.
I spent my days in bed,
Too tired to move.
But lighting would strike my lips,
If I dare stop.

The next was heaven,
God lived in that pill.
Still on number one though,
It only added to my war.
See, number two had other uses.
I could take three and feel like flying.
I could crush it into dust,
And smell it's sweet high.
Pill number two got me really ******* high.

The crash from number two,
Pushed me to number three.
Withdrawal made me twitch,
Sent electricity through my veins.
Number three replaced two.
Still on one,
I hoped it would be the change.
It only made me fear for my life.
It killed my love,
Left me to die.

Doctor number two,
Please fix number one's mess.
He ****** me up bad.
But you listen to me.
You don't just write down symptoms,
And give me drugs when you tell me to leave.
Doctor two knows more about me than I do.

Take away number one,
She gave me number four.
I was a homicidal maniac.
My anger took over,
And violence seemed so lovely.
After some time this was all gone.
It did nothing to save me,
Didn't even try.
Doctor, this doesn't do ****.
It's left me drowning again.

Take away three.
Number four and five,
Now that's a combination.
Pill five stole my sleep,
And all desire to eat.
Food looked disgusting,
My heart beat quickened.
I couldn't stand still.
Now on four and five at the same time,
And starving,
I lost fifteen pounds.

Now add six.
Four, five, and six.
All at the same time.
What's happening to my body?
I've become a science project.
I felt all the chemicals in me.
Might as well have been poison,
Because six did nothing.
Like number four,
It didn't even try.

Take away four,
Give me number seven.
Now we have seven, five, and six.
It's too early to tell,
How seven will **** me up.
I don't feel human anymore,
Just chemicals with feet.
Seven, please save me.

keep me in mind
when I am hidden.
when I keep myself away,
from the burning light of day.  

It's burnt away my nerves,
I can't feel a thing.
Numb to the world,
but feeling in the cold.

I've said it a thousand times,
I'll say it a thousand more.
I'm not the type to laugh,
I'll always shut the door.

So the cold is where I stay,
I can't sleep when it's warm.
I feel myself on fire,
always starting a new war.

Oh sunshine,
please die.
stop mocking my frostbite,
stop torching all desire.

Why won't you listen?
have you no ears?
I've been this way since birth,
I'll be this way for years.

I told you I'm not human.
I'm not the way I should be.
the tundra behind my bedroom door,
it's swallowed me.

Please don't forget about me.
I'm dying to leave.
I'm dying for someone to reach out,
instead I'm dying from greif.

Let's build a fire,
not the kind that kills.
But to melt the ice,
that's been holding me against my will.

Rather, just let me burn.
I'll turn to dust,
I'll drift away,
It's all a deadly lust.

Don't let me run,
tie me tight.
I need the fire,
but I think I might die.

When there's nothing to do,
I'm held captive by my mind.
It won't let me forget,
How you looked with tears in your eyes.
How I couldn't even say goodbye

You say you'll still be here,
But it won't be the same.
You said whatever I need,
But what I need is to be held.
I need to believe everything's okay.

I hope it kills you when you think of me.
Cuz you've made it hard to breathe.
Every car I hear,
I pray to God it's you.
Coming to say you need me too

You're confused
Well I am too
I feel so stupid
An idiot for you.
Here I am, head over heels.
And there you are,
Making me wish I couldn't feel.

I don't blame you,
I'm a medicated mess.
But the drugs can't clean this up,
They can't make it go away.
Stay
Stay
I need you to stay

My stomach feels sick
My lungs too heavy.
Cure me please,
I'm not one to beg.
Come back,
Please stay.

My saving grace,
This holy place.
You vandalize my sanctuary,
And burn me into ash.

I know what you do,
I remember how we met.
It makes me sick,
To think you'd go back.

i showed you every part of me,
And all you did was leave.
How could this all change,
Just within a week.
The first real thing you've ever had,
And the last heartbreak I'll ever have.

I swear to god,
This won't happen again.
I swear on my life,
No one's getting in.

I tried so ******* hard,
To be the one.
To make you stay.
While your guilt eats you away,
Remember to hold your head.

I'm too young to be like this,
God save me.
I don't care how or when,
Please got just let it end.

I showed you every part of me,
Saw the scars.
Heard the screams.
How did this all change,
Please tell me what went wrong.
The first real thing you've ever had,
The last heartbeat I'll ever have.

So now I'm alone again,
Wishing we were more than friends.
You made me feel wanted,
With you I was home.
Now I'm begging you please,
Don't go.
I'm not good on my own.

This blindside,
It's knocked me off my feet.
You feel guilty,
I feel dead.
I never should have showed you,
What goes on in my head.
Dear god what's wrong with me?

What is it,
That makes everyone leave?
Is it the way that I look?
Do I talk in my sleep?
You say it's not me,
But I'm the one you're leaving.
We're crying in my room,
My cries have turned to screams.

So now I'm alone again,
Wishing this would end.
Torn between running back,
And never seeing you again.
How do you take back,
All those things you said?
You feel guilty,
I feel dead.

This is what's inside my head.
You feel guilty,
I feel dead.

I say I live as a burden,
My mouth sealed shut.
So that I may not utter the words,
Of my weighted thoughts.

These truths weigh a ton,
And I've far too many for just one head.
For even mine.
My head bobs to my shoulder,
Weakened necks can't hold this.

Now I'm shaking,
Trembling.
Because I gave you the rocks,
The stones that broke my neck.
And you are fading,
Drifting all at once.

Give me your boulders,
And we will be even.
Give me your mountains,
So I can rest easy.

My burdenous brain
Broken neck
Heavy thoughts

I never meant to break your neck too