They don't understand
Grandma understands
She can only be with you for so long

They don't understand
The universe forced your hand
Every sin was manifest
Had to be
They say ridiculous,
Clearly it was your choice

They outline the logic
Don't you see
It was your choice
Can't you see why this is your fault

In a court of law
Outlined it
You know it's bull*t--
Self defense!

They don't understand
These other version of you
Drowned versions
Is that what you believe?
That we are all just other version of you

How selfish can this individual be
And can't it see
That it can only go so far before finding a kind of recompense

No I do not see
I refuse to yield
Because I am growing wild
Wild without a care.

If I am to be the predator in heaven,
Then I'll be the best ****** Lamb there ever was.

But you could never be the Lamb
Never, never in a bazillion years
And don't you think just because you're Satan that I feel bad for you
You could never be the Lamb
I'll beat the thought out of you
You could never be the Lamb
The Lamb doesn't act like that
The Lamb doesn't DO that
You could never be the Lamb
No you could never be the Lamb
The Lamb is not so selfish

A broken shell, a living hell, and all I'm left with now is my regret.

Better days ahead were a pipedream after our relationship crumbled. Countless arguments. Disagreements. Every day! For my life, I can't believe we stayed together as long as we did. God knows I didn't want her to leave me. How much longer must I wrestle with these painful memories?

I just feel regret, unspoken, I just feel the pain; since she left, my life has been a broken shell, a living hell — I can't believe I let her go; it was foolish pride before the fall the day she left when I lost all — I should have held her closer, I should have made her see the feelings I have for her, what she means to me; I didn't say I love her or beg her to stay, instead, I stood in silence and watched her walk away, and all I'm left with now is my regret.

Justification is an exercise in futility. Knowing what I could have and should have done leaves an inextricable switchblade in my soul. Love's lessons learned too late — love's loss too great.

Misting eyes beseech as memories replay in my head, but they're too painful, and I feel dead. No joy to be found. Oh well, my self-imposed hell. Painful memories open like an oubliette under my feet, plunging me lost and languishing in isolation's labyrinth. Questions left unanswered, decaying in the debris fields of "what if.”

Reflection can be a catharsis for the soul, but it can also rip a hole in it, and soon reality roars from guilt's bottomless pit to devour all hope. Sometimes despair is mitigated by occasional reminders of us. Thoughts lingering on happier times, blessed moments mine to treasure. Until the damnable loop of regret dominates to decimate any respite of joy. Vanishing expectations. Weeping willow's silent wail. Xerox memories fade with time.

Years have passed, and my thoughts continue to haunt me over what we could have had. Zero-sum game — all I'm left with now is my regret.




Mark Toney ©️ 2023

*       *       *

April 22, 2023

I hope you found the above fictional prose poem interesting. I wrote it in response to a writing challenge I heard about.  Write a 26-sentence short story (or prose poem). Each sentence must begin with the alphabet's sequential letters starting with A through Z. One sentence must be 100 words long, and another sentence only one word. Would you like to try it?

As I walked out of my black and white world
in my grey colored clothes leaving behind the ruins of my life which was full of sadness full of fear.
Like stepping in a new dimension of space.
I saw colors so bright they hurt my eyes but bring joy to my heart.
Looking up to this infinite sky
I saw all shades of blue going over in turquoise
at the end I saw colors of a blushing sky with a glow on the cheeks, soft rose and soft pastel.
Crown of white was holding this up like  pieces of white cotton candy  so sweet, I just keep looking up.
Then I felt a light breeze from a soft blue wind ,
listening careful there was a message within.
Messages coming from afar reaching the ear
touching the heart.
I could hear the cries of people in pain, children in fear what a shame.
Could this beautiful sky be theirs too?
Yes it is,  I was one of them too.
Looking around what beautiful trees,
all kinds of green but also orange, yellow and pink.
Fields of tulips, red roses and yellow daffodils everywhere!
Indeed these are the colors of Spring.
Many butterflies and bees in the air
Buzzing around in search for a kiss.
The sounds of happy birds flying high taking dives back to earth.
I felt like Alice in wonderland
finally found after getting lost.
In reality
It was just another day in war.

We all must try to help the people in war. Shower them with colors of love.



Shell ✨🐚

If you have a loving wife
You are very lucky indeed
Everybody hurts
Everybody bleeds

I hope I die at night
Might leave the lights on
Find me all alone
Find me gone.

              3 dear deer

                   1 fawn.

Enigma entity’s ethology entelechy as it relates to clairaudience clairvoyance.
Everyone has a personal futurity fatidic or existential metaphysique.
What we need is a universally acceptable form of id conclusion.
Unfortunately we can’t even agree on the social stigmatisms of ego’s expression.
We are relatively extraneous interpolations of adhesively practical extremity that succeed in a hierarchy of functionally integrateable forms.
There is no functional deontology, even though its visage would seem to portend cogently fecund probity for all.
We are not ethereally sublime, we are corporeally preternatural.
Objective is individual; obligation to each other is not a mandate.
Though many might find it inherently indispensible to some it impedes success.
The depths of debauchery this debacle ensues are almost intrinsically endemic to our race.
How am I going to get there becomes more important than ‘what are we fighting for’.
So, if there’s no unity of purpose how do we decide who we are fighting for.
Will it be good for all or lead to oligarchy and subjugation, the seemingly inescapable byproduct of capitalism, the inherent decadence of socialism.
It’s times like this that make me love the constitutional fortitude of Americanism.
Theoretically I have an inalienable right, hypothetically this leads to anarchy so I’m not allowed to mess with your rights.
This is mandate.
The republic for which we stand.
Mendacious tales of unity, not merely the obstinate tenacities of I, but also the cogent fecundity in the infamous we-ness of us.