I was not supposed to get this far;
I should not breathe this air.
I'm riding a wave of borrowed time
I don't believe is fair.

I'm older and wiser
and fatter and poorer
and I'm burning my fuse
at both ends

But tomorrow I'll wake up
and put on my make up
And try not to let down my friends.

I can't explain the thrill I get
When he sweetly holds my hand,

After a morning of wrapping those same
Fingers around my throat.

"No!" she shouted,
Pushing herself as far into her bed as she could.
Pressing her hands over her ears,
blocking out everything
but the music
blasting in from her ear buds.

She dissolved into the sound,
Forcing her mind
To let go
Of feelings such as touch and smell
Until she was weightless,
Floating into a void
Rather than sitting in the smog
Of cigarette smoke and alcohol
That was omnipresent in her house.

Just relax, she thought.

Letting the guitars and voices
Of her saviors wash over her,
She fell into a half sleep,
Where the only thing
Other than the music
Was the longing to live here,
Endlessly,
In a void of nothing.

Because if there's one thing she'd learned,
It was better to feel nothing at all
Than nothing but pain.

School
Seven
******
Hours
Of
Our
Lives,
Feels like we're tied
Up in a world
Full of people trying to
bring us down.
In four years I've watched
My best friends' smiles
Turn to frowns
Only to be replaced by
Red lines on skin,
Straight like the coke she snorts
Just to get high
And FEEL something
For a little while.

You cut me open with words of hate
You filled my gut with lies
You made me think the worst of thoughts
You made me hate my life

But I would do it all again
So your bullets wouldn't hit her
You ******* drunk just stay away
Don't touch my little sister

Daddy you're the devil
Without the trace of an angle's grin
So finish off that bottle because
Your heart is lost in sin

I'm all grown up and far away
I'm sure you miss your punching bag
Can't you see how beautiful she is?
Please, don't ******* hurt her, Dad

Same song, different tune
Cuts so fresh, but they're not new
Weeping softly, think of you
And open up the veins so blue.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I have been released.
My river had dried.
I was dying of thirst.
But now words flood my mind.

I want to make,
To create.
To BE.

Oh, I have been released,
And nothing could feel
So good.

On the year that we met,
You wore all black
I wore baggy clothes
And greasy hair.
Yet you saw through the acne
And the atrocious appearance,
And I saw a light
In the dark.
You took my shyness
And replaced it with strength.
And I am forever
Grateful.

On the second year
My clothes fit
Though they were oft’ stained
Splattered with paint
And you were away with band.
You’d pick on my crush,
And we fought.
But at the end of the day
You’d still call and say sorry
And I would cry,
And you’d tell me it would be fine.
And things would be fine.

The third year was a charm
You grew up faster
I wore tie die
You wore skinny jeans.
We never left the other’s side.
People would call us names
But you just laughed
And kept your head held high
And taught me to do
The same.

The fourth year was a tragedy.
News like a spark
Our whole world burning down
And yet that last day
You still let me cry on your shoulder
In the middle of band
And stayed strong for me
Even though we both knew
It hurt.

The fifth year was a struggle
10 hours
Like a force field
Keeping us apart.
Tears were shed.
My life was changing.
But you were always there
Like a rock
Unmoving.

This sixth year has been a miracle.
I did not think I would see the end of it.
But the miracle is that I will.
And the miracle was you.
Who told me to shut up.
Who taught me to wake up.
And thanks to you
And all of your strength
There will be a seventh year.
And an eighth.
And many more to come.

Friendship is like Love.
It is seldom true
Or pure.
But our friendship is both.
And I wouldn’t trade it
For anything
In this beautiful
Beautiful
World.

This is not a suicide
Ignore the bullet through my eye
The carpet splattered with my blood
Just shows you what the world has done
To me.

Just wait and see.

This is me breaking lose and running free
The product of society.
When Fake is real
And Real’s a lie.
Just goes to show that no one tries.

We just can’t help ourselves,
We doom the world.
The future of every boy and girl.
Dying trees and smog filled air.
I can’t be the only one that cares.

They tell us to express ourselves
While telling us how we should think
It’s like they throw us in the ocean
Then say that it’s okay to sink!

I'm done putting faith
In the Faithless.

I'm done giving my heart
To the Heartless.

I'm done trying so hard
For the Lazy.

So now, I'm living
For Me.

This is a long one,
Though just the beginning
Of a story to be told
To you.
Poet, or lover
Of poetry's sweet touch,
Enjoy,
Indulge yourself.
The written word is dying
Sick and Ill
On Time's death bed
Rotting away
Until the day when
All that is left
Is a swift
"TTYL"
And the art
Will be gone
For good.

Scattered as my
brain my be
I see the coming of the
end of all
I love
So dearly as
To share with it my
Deepest secrets.
Poetry is my blood,
Tick and red,
Falling away from the nicks
Of life
And landing softly
In your eyes.
Oh reader,
See and believe
That it is up to I,
And up to you,
To Write
To Breath the words
Of poetry.

This is a long one,
But we're near the end.
So don't let my
Lover
Die.
Oh reader,
Keep the love
Alive.

There is nothing,
I should say,
More insane than the Writer.
For who should be more
In love with the written word
Than a person
Who gives up meals
And social Events
To indulge in the
Sacred,
Pressing,
Most heinously addicting,
Act of writing ones thoughts
Down, permanently,
For generations to read
Long after it makes since,
If it ever
Really
Did?

Why
Is
It
Always
                                         Me
Who
Is
The
Odd
One
Out?

I do not speak of years to come,
I rarely speak of days.
I do not know
What tomorrow holds,
But let it come,
Come what may.

And should it hide
It's weary head,
And if, my friend,
My years should end,
My secrets are yours to hide,
When I am dead.

You think you're mad?
Because I talked about my Ex.
You think you know hurt?
Because I can't let go.

I sat there, broken
While you told me
That you lost it to another
While your heart supposedly belonged to me.

I sat there, as you stomped
On the broken pieces of my heart.
With her! My Best Friend!

Don't tell me to move on
Don't tell me to shut up
You're lucky
That you can still call me your girl.

So don't tell me that you're mad.
When I'm not the one
Who broke your heart.

Slip your arms around me
Rest my head upon your chest
Hold me tightly as
I listen to your heart.

Hold my hands in yours
Bump noses as we lean in
For a kiss to light my
Heart and clear my head.

You
       And
               Only
                         You                                              
                                 Can
                                          Silence
                                                         The                                                
                                                                  Buzzing
                                                                                   That
                                                                                            Never                                                                       .            
                                                                                                        Stops.

Yellow will forever be ruined
In my mind.
Your yellow shirt
As you touched,
Grabbed,
Stole,
What was mine--
Only mine--
To give.
Not yours to take
On that lonely sidewalk
On a dark
Dark
Night.

Rid me of the
Absolutely disgusting
Presence that I hope
E**ventually fades

Pan
Bi
Trans
****
Hetro
Who the
****'s to say
How a person wants to love
And how they live
Their day?
Guy on guy,
******* girl,
What's the matter
With our world
That that defines
A human?
If a man
Wants to sleep
With a man,
Make sure he uses
A ******.
If A girl wants to kiss
A girl,
Don't shower hate
Upon them.
Love is love.
Hearts
Not parts.
Let that rainbow flag
Wave free
One day there'll be
A better world
Where we
Can love
More free.

I am an actress, and I am good

Fore you will never know the me

That wants to quit the act.

Another day,
Another dollar,
Spent on things
To **** us all.

Mass destruction
Made
By mass production.
How much is enough?

A bomb to **** the earth,
but who's hands
are the wrong hands?

Can you ever
truly
know?

Invent our doom
To set it aside
an gather dust?

No, There is something else
On their minds.

A secret,
But we won't be let in.
Left to watch them
Whisper.

Too many windows
Now just broken glass.
I told them 
There were too many windows.

Speaking of which,
There I am.
In a pile of broken 
I told you sos.

But nobody
Saw the sign.
The warning in
My eyes.

But I really don't mind
Because they're the ones
That let 
Me get away

He's gone

No! He'll be back...
He promised!

But as much as I remind
myself, I still hear

He's gone

Left on a plane today
never to come back one day

Shut up! He will! He'll be
Happy too!

You just don't know!
I wont listen to you!

Won't listen to ME?
Listen to yourself.

Can anyone else here me?
No, It's me, your bad health*

My mind was tricking me
As it so often did.

He's gone and I'll miss him

He's only a kid.

But *He's gone

Army films.

twitch

Marine films.

twitch

Navy films.

Twitch

Air force films

twitch

Too many memories
Of a me
I was not proud
To be.

And yet
Much too proud
to have been.

Twitch

They call commands again.

Do not respond

twitch

Must not respond

twitch

I need to leave

CRASH*              The
                                    Jagged
                     ­                       Edges                                     ­   BOOM
                                                     Of
    BANG                                             A
                                                    Rainy
     ­                                       Night                     ­       CRASH
                                                  ­  Made
                BOOM                            Noticed
­                                                                 ­   Only
                                                            ­                 By                                 BANG
                                                          ­                       Thunder

Soiled.

Unclean.

Rotten.

Used.

Or could you say
Abused?

Hands like fire-
I still feel them crawl
Along the earth
Of my skin.

Burning what's left of life.

Leaving filth
And a Stain
That only you
And I
Can see.

But I dont want to share
Anything
With you.

Leave it to you
To make me.

Could it be
That I am only
What others say?

Instead of who
I want to be?

Who I think
I am?

Am I truly
Just defined
By a test?
A grade?
A survey?
A paycheck?

Is there nothing more to me

That what

They think

They know?

Crawl away,
I walked in strong.
Then,
With arms
Around my helpless body,
You killed me.
Cut me open
With a trail of
Tainted kisses
Down to the places
I asked you nicely
Not to touch
I guess
You dont speak
Kindness.

Your smile makes my heart stop
and speed up
at the same time.
And even though you've
hurt me lots,
I know you're always mine.

The simple way
you say my name.
Your pretty light brown eyes.
I find it's never hard to say
the "Love"s, the "You"s, the "I"s.

And when you wrap
me in your arms
and hold on to me
tight,
I hope you'll never let me go,
I'd stay there,
day and night.

Your warmth,
Your touch,
Your comfort.
Your stories and
Your stares.
Your kisses,
Hugs, and
Gestures,
Your "I'll always be there"s.

You said to list
the reasons why
I love you
like I do,
but babe, I've tried
to tell you,
I love you cuz you're **You

Digital Diary

Poetry

The best part?

It doesn't                              Need
                        To  make
                                                                                                                                       Sense.


                                                                                               See me slice my veins
                                                                Watch me as I fall
                                                                                               You'll never really know me
                                                                At all.


Does that bother you?
Hope so.

                                                       Up
                                         Left                  Right
                                                    Down

Twisting
         Turning
                  All
             Around
          Yet
      You
   Don't
Know
      My
             Name.

Rain Rain
Wash away
The desert sand.

Mud Mud
Swallow all
The people in your path.

                                                                                      Drip

                                                                                      Drip

                                                                                      Drop

Rivers turn to oceans,
The sand dunes turn to waves.
Crashing, Slamming
Down on us--
Save, or to be saved?

                                                                                     Drip

                                                                                     Drip

                                                                                     Drop

_

                                                                                                                                                                     Daddy?
Did you see me?
I finally reached my dreams.
Daddy are you proud?
Why the tears?
Please look at me!
                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                             Dad?
I said I'm sorry.
I'm trying oh so hard.
Of course I am!
Dad, dont you see?
Won't you hold me
In  your arms?
                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                           Father?
You seem so surprised.
Did you not see it coming?
I won't be home for Christmas,
And It isn't cuz it's snowing.
I tried so hard to reach you
but the journey tore me up.
So sorry sir,
You've lost me now.
I'm gladly giving up.

My heart beats fast
                                                                                 When I stand still
Skin that feels the wind rush past--
                                                                              Wind that isn't there.
I hear the roaring crowd
                                                                             Of nobody. I'm alone.
Bright lights, blink fast
                                                                                  In a dark room.

Screaming in your head
Alive while being dead.

Can
                                                You
               Read
                                                                                        My
                                 Racing
         Thoughts?
                                                                  They
                                             Whisper
                                                                                                        In
           The
                                                 Beating
                                                                                    Heart
                        Of
                                                                                                                        Night.


                                                                                                                                        Can you hear me now?
                                                                                                                                         I'm calling out for you.
                                                                                                                                                                       In the
                                                                                                                                                      Ever darkening
                                                                                                                                                                         Day.

Earth, my dear, you're rather ill.
Those pesky bugs,
you have them still?
Come on Girl, get a grip.

Your infection has been spreading,
Poor Moon is looking gray!
I even think they've got to me,
Though not as bad, I'd say.

Jupiter's been talking,
These rumors aren't kind!
I swear I didn't tell him,
He heard through the astroid vine.

Sister dear, I love you,
I swear you used to be hot!
Even the Sun took intrest!
Though now, he'd rather not.

Get rid of those pesky buggarts,
You're powerful, you know.
Just **** 'em off and heal yourself.
Just let those vermin go!

Teacher, Teacher,
Leave me be
Can't you tell
That I can't breath?

Mind malfunction
Push it down
Hide from all the
Peers around.

Silent screams,
I bite my tongue
Don't know what to do,
I'm young.

Teary eyes
Stare up at you,
Teacher, Teacher,
Thought you knew.

Slipping
Down
Down
Under
Over
Flying
Flailing
Falling.

Talk to me when you're fine...

You didn't have to hide

Too much drama

Attention *****

My problems,
That took courage
To spill to you.

I'm so sorry,
That they can be
A little
Annoying.

I wont make
That same mistake
Again.