I am fine.

Today is fine.
Hello world,
I'm glad to see you
Now that I
Know how to smile.

I'm happy.

Maybe today
I'll win the lottery.
Gotta test my luck.
How great to
Take that money home.

Before I lose
Everything, I love you.

Did
You know
I always will?
Now the day is up,
Goodnight.

Rushing
Underwater
This tunnel sweeps me on
When will it give me
the gift
Of my next breath?
My lungs
Burn.

So many exits
Little answers
Side tunnels that lead
To an explanation
The tunnel sweeps me to one,
Then drags me back
Again.

It will not let me go.

Where will I
Be left?
Wet,
Gasping for air?
Will I be free?
Or will I fall
Forever sinking,
Into the sea?

Rushing
Underwater
Into the dark of the tunnel.
Waiting
To come up
For air.

Ever notice
How the clouds of thought
Can swoop
Dangerously close
To the opening
Of your mouth?

Babble
Mumble
Let it all
Poor out
Of your soul,
Thick as tar
And hard as steel.

Regret them later
When you pop a new pill
Into that leak
So close
To the Mind.

But smile
At the life
It lets you leave
Behind.

Like Soldiers
Fighting a battle
They sit in rows
On the kitchen
Counter.

Teen.
Bi Polar.
Glorified ******.
Call me what you will
But do not take away
These bottles
Proscribed
To take away
My pain.

Dad says there's
Nothing wrong-
That my soldiers
Fight against me,
What does he know
Of the suffering
In my head
On my heart
In me?

Let me sit
And die
In the shade of
My soldiers
Let them fight off the pain
One last time
And let them shoot me,
Gently,
In the head.

Pills
Like dreams
-Doctor's Orders-
Block out the world
Muffle the sounds
Hide me
**** me
Free me
From this dream
Called life
That I
Cannot
Escape.

Could it be?
Did you see?
That tear,
Fresh fear
Behind my eyes.

Do you know?
Does it show?
The pain
A game
Is what I am,

To you.

Blind to the Pictures
Flashing like sirens
Can you see them?
In my head.
A kiss
A hug
Breath like fog
Drunk on your smell
High on your touch
Hands like sin-
Always in the places
We fear
The most

Love
A curse designed
To tear you
Piece by broken
Piece
Into a hell
Far worse than
What the devil
has to give.
Drug me up
Let
Me fall into
An antidepressant
Dream
Tossing in my bed
Of stolen thoughts
Ups and downs
Reds and blues
Mes and yous.
I'm lost,
Dead
To this world
Who let me fall-
Withered
Like a plucked flower
To the floor.

Give me something tender,
Give me something sweet.
Give me something just for
Me, that no one else can see.

Give me a kiss so gental,
Yet rough with youthful love.
Give me something beautiful,
That's sent from God above.

Give me all your fiery hate,
Give me all your care.
I want to be with you forever,
So baby, take me there.

The pressure building in my chest,
Pain that I cant put to rest.
I want to scream this isn’t fair,
I scratch my arm, the skin wont tear.
The pressure grows; I'm gunna burst...
Unless I can release it first.
I stumble for the bathroom door,
I trip, and crumple to the floor.
I look up, through the haze of tears,
I see my target, and worst of fears.
But I reach and grab it nonetheless,
A razor, nice and clean and fresh.
The razors cheap, so blades break lose.
A sharpened blade for me to use.
My skin that at first wouldn’t break,
Is left torn and bleeding in its wake.
The pressure ebbs out through my vain,
Until the cuts rid me of my pain.
Some turn to drugs, and others drink,
But I can clean my medicine in the sink,
So I can use it next I need,
To ease the pain, that need to bleed.
Few others truly understand,
And many just cant comprehend.
No, I'm not proud, but I won’t stop.
Until my spirits cease to drop.
So please don’t judge, and please don’t hate,
Unless you can make it go away.
That’s all I want,
That’s all I crave,
Is to rid myself,
And start a new day.

The rush
The motion
The perfect clarity.
When everything comes together.
It’s more than you will ever know,
You sing the words,
You tap your feet.
But I make it complete.
The familiar burning in my arms,
The aching in my feet,
I hear the notes,
I know the words,
And then,
I make the beat.
I nod my head,
I thrash my arms,
A mystic dance with every limb.
The amazing rumble in my gut,
That’s goes unnoticed by them.
I am the drummer
Through and through,
You’ll never get the things I do,
Oh singer with your voice so clear,
My singer and my friend,
I know I'm gone,
But I’ll return,
Not for my house, or clothes, or friends,
But to be apart of my favorite band.

Some of us write to feel the pain,
Some to let it go.
Some write just because it rhymes,
Others just don’t know.
Nature and its beauty,
A graveyard with its ghost.
A dream of futures happy,
Passion is in most.
A poem that's so delicate
Words straight from a heart.
Only from a dreamer's soul,
Their words a work of art.
A poem is a gateway,
That leads into the mind,
A passage that is hard to reach,
And double hard to find.
But you can find it if you look
Into some troubled eyes,
You never know what each word means,
My lines are held-in cries.
But others could be just to say
"Hello", "Have a great day"
It just depends who’s writing,
And who might come their way.

"Be perfect! Be Perfect!"
That’s all that you say.
And I swear that I will be,
I'm closer each day.

"You're perfect, you're perfect"
Words I want to ring true.
I'm not, but I will be,
Though I already am to you.

I make myself perfect,
In my very own way.
Some might call it insane,
But what can I say?

Each fight with my dad?
I go add some more.
Each time we get angry?
A brand new score.

I'm perfectly imperfect.
It says so on my skin.
With my sharp razor blade,
I'm carving it in.

So please don’t worry,
I'm only doing as you wish.
I can deal with the pain,
It’s hardly a pinch.

Perfect, it says,
With my very own pen.
And I smile at the word,
And write it again.

I’d stopped.
I HAD!
I promise...
But now it starts again.
New blades
New cuts
New problems...
But still the same old Jynn.
The scars add up to 81,
No, make that 92.
They never seem to go away
Stuck to my skin like glue.
I write this not with anguish
As oft' my poems are.
Just with simple curiosity
At the make-up of a scar.
It starts out with a split
In the gentle human flesh
The blood pours like a flood or stream
Or tidal wave. Nothing less.
The blood runs down
Then starts to drip
As you relish in the sting.
Then you realize
What a mess you’ve made
Grab some cotton ***** to clean.
Wash most of it downs the drain,
Wipe the rest off of your skin.
And once the bleeding settles down....
Pick up the blade and start again.

Running.
Running.
Never stopping.
Isn’t that what you want?

Hiding.
Hiding.
Always Hidden.
Did you really think I forgot?

I run and run,
And look for cover.
But still the tortures
Will persist.

They call these dreams?
This, is a nightmare.
On and on..
I don’t want this.

A brand new terror
Every night.
Plucked from my brain,
For the worst of frights.

On and on
My dream recurring,
Peaceful nights
All fade away.

I wake up crying,
No comfort for me.
I pray and hope…
Yet the nightmares stay.

Spiders, heart break,
Those are easy.
Darkness, Pain,
One and the same.

From telling me
Iv been forgotten,
To drowning slow
In acid rain.

I hope one day
They leave my head,
I hate the feel
Of constant dread.

So lets hope that
When again a sleep,
Ill dream of something soft,
Like sheep.

My body is a garden,
My soul a swimming pool,
My mind a deep black pit of doubt,
And all this is for you.

And in the garden, you plant seeds,
With a kiss on my lips,
Or your breath upon my cheek.
Your hugs all leave me feeling weak,
My body is a garden.

And in the pool you like to swim,
Or float on rafts of joy.
And in the pool you’ll always stay,
If you’re a dream I wont awake,
My soul is like a pool.

And now you have the pit of doubt,
Of which you try to ease.
You nurse it like it has the flu,
Erasing doubts of me and you,
My minds a pit of doubt.


But then the truth shines ever there,
Deep in my heart, is Love.
Love that blooms for you, my dear,
Ill never stray, ill stay right here,
Because I do love you.

I'm sick of the nicknames
I'm sick of the lies.
I'm sick of this itchy,
And fading disguise.

I remember the smiles,
From times too long done.
I remember our laughter,
Our schemes, and our fun.

But now we just sit,
And study our books.
We study our peers,
And popular looks.

Everyone’s against us.
We sneak and we steal,
We try not to conform,
To others appeal.

But we lack motivation,
We lack that famed drive.
That when we were younger
Made us wish we could fly.

If we all worked together
To push ourselves up,
Instead of the poisoning
That makes us give up.

We could make the world see
That what they said was wrong,
We could control our own lives,
No matter how short or how long.

I’ll love you if you let me.

I promise, every day.

If you come into my open arms,

There’d be nothing more to say.


Your face is always on my mind,

Whether sleeping or awake,

All I need is to see your smile,

just once please, for my sake?


I’ll never cause you any harm,

I’ll never do you wrong,

You’re the one that always comes to mind,

When I hear a new love song.


Your voice so cute,

it makes me smile,

To think of it

even for a while.


Youre perfect in every way to me,

so I completely understand

If youre heart belongs to someone else,

You must be in high demand.


All I need to ask of you,

If you’d like to hear my plea,

You don’t have to fall in love my friend,

Just please, consider me?

I was only a child.

My Father? My hero.
My Mother? My doctor.
My Puppy? My best friend.
And me.

Yet I was only a child.

Santa was real,
The tooth Fairy too.
My street was as big as the world
So new.

Because I was only a child.

I was a princess
And a ballerina
My Puppy would stop by for a cup of tea,
Mom too.

Fore I was only a child.

Then along came a baby.
I had to start school.
My Puppy passed on
With Granny.

I could no longer be a child.

Years were a blur
Boys were important
Mom and dad yelled
At me.

And I wished I could still be a child.

Life got too hard,
I constantly struggled
I chose to visit my Puppy.
I’m sorry.

But I was still just a child.

Worthless, stupid, ugly too.
Tongue-tied, but that’s only around you.
My dreams are horrors that I earn,
For them to be real ill always yearn.

My death, sweet poison, saves my life,
By ending it by gun or knife.
Monsters, demons, tear my flesh,
Or I get stuck in barbwire mesh.

Whatever the torture I take it as dished.
Never sweet dreams, as I so often wished.
But why should I have them? I'm crooked and mean.
Or well, that’s what I think. Could be low self-esteem.

I hate that I love you, I hate that I care.
I hate that when you’re upset; I wish I were there.
I just really hate myself for not hating you.
And for loving you in the first place, I hate that one too.

Your name, once golden, now a twisted black vine.
In her name I find envy, I wish you were mine.
You were and you will be, ill see that its so.
And if it doesn’t work out... you know where ill go.

It's a cop-out; I'm chicken, too scared to go on.
I hope it's you who finds me, dead in your lawn.
Razor in hand, I wish I could do it.
Iv tried once before, but that time I blew it.

But this time I can, and I know that I will.
If not by blade, slip off my windowsill.
Or drown in my pool, or forget my inhaler.
Though I know it won’t matter. This girl, you wont save her.

You loved her, you killed her, and you’ve broken her heart.
She has nothing-good left, besides poems and art.
She’s lost, and she’s lonely, and I know she’s scared too.
And the only thing that could help just won’t. And that’s you.

I'm in that desperate mood again
Where me, myself am not my friend
I pull my hair, I scratch my skin,
My feet? Too small. My waist? Not thin.

I want to scream, be someone else.
With softer hair, a nicer face.
I hate this stupid mirror
I wish I could just run away.

But from yourself, you cannot hide.
With my less than perfect body.
With my less than average brain,
My need for makeup, hair that’s knotty.

I know I could be better
Or you never would have left.
There MUST be something wrong with me
Some bad thing left unkept.

Or maybe you did look past my face,
Though ugly as it is.
Maybe I'm just a stupid freak.
With weird ideas. A downright geek.

Times like this I wish I could just cut my wrist.
But I cant. Too many promises.
But I dream about it night and day...
I wish I could just fade away.

Not like anyone would notice,
Or wonder where id been.
Nobody would ever question
Why I was never seen again.

You asked me if I was an Angel
As you looked into my eyes.
I said that no, I wasn’t,
But you looked at me, surprised.

No, I’m not an Angel, or even close
To those beautiful creatures of God.
There are too many things wrong with me...
To think that I am is quite odd.

When surely you’re the angel here,
But they say that no Angel can lie.
Yet I know for sure that you must be one,
With the good that you've brought into my life.

I met you in my darkest hour,
When id lost all hope for trust.
I’d given up hope on every thing,
And I thought that death was a must.

Yet you held on tight and brought me back,
The real me, who'd long been forgotten.
You found her, and saved her and cared for her too,
And you became her closest guy-friend.

And after that you loved me true,
And the real me...
She fell in love with you.

So you must be the Angel, no sinner like me.
Who can hardly tell right from wrong.
With your smile and love, you’re MY Angel.
Our love as true as a song.

A lonely stool
A lightless room
And a girl who sits
And waits.

The sticky floor,
Her ****** body.
As tears drip down
Her face.

When out of the darkness
Comes a boy
With fluffy dark
Black hair

The boy that she loves
Yet she won’t smile
She can only sit
And stare.

He smiles and kisses
The top of her head
It only makes her
Cry harder.

And as he leans back
And punches her face
She swears the room
Gets darker.

He kicks and she screams
He pulls out her hair
He slashes at her with
A knife.

And when he says sorry
'He hopes she forgives him'
She wishes he'd just take
Her life.

He says not to worry
In time she'll forget
But she knows that he'll be
There tomorrow.

The boy that she love
Is now her worse nightmare?
And fills her life
With sorrow.

I have many names
But I’m a sickness through
And through.

Many names have I
But if you’ve got me, I’ve
Got you.

I’ll make your heart speed up
And you’ll sweat, and shake,
And stutter.

Your heart speeds up because of me
If you’re infected, call
Your mother.

I’m a blessing and a curse
Still I’m afraid there is
No cure.

I’m a curse and I’m a blessing
Do you have me? Can’t
Be sure.

I’m a deadly state of mind
Be aware of
The above.

Of states of mind, I am quite deadly
Don’t you know me? Call
Me Love.