(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Guilt
Consumed by
Fear
I was heightened by
Adrenaline
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
Trapped
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Death.

label? 5.27.25 (5:32 pm / 18:32)
maybe i’m panromantic asexual

maybe if you knew 5.27.25 (5:09 pm / 18:09)
maybe if you knew that i suffered
you wouldn't ignore me like you do
or maybe you would
how would i know?

maybe if you knew that i have been in pain
for every day
for years
since a few months after my eleventh birthday
you would understand

no matter, you say
it'll be alright,
you say
because the only pain you know
is a headache or cramps

not the kind that feels like it's ripping you apart
not the kind that feels like you are on fire
not the kind that feels like your bones rubbing against each other
not the kind that sounds like a creaky door
not the kind that tastes like bitter pills
every morning
and every night
and every day

all the time

fat isn’t a ***** word 5.27.25 (5:03 pm / 17:03)
fat isn’t a ***** word,
you just taught us that it is

you say you’re a little overweight
when we visit you at the doctors

then you show us movies
and all the pretty girls have got 19 inch waists

then we scroll on the internet,
full of diet culture and skinny models

then you put us in front of mirrors
and expect us to not be sick at what we see

adults, you can do better

i will love you 5.27.25 (4:34 pm / 16:34)
do you think that anything could make me stop loving you?
do you think that anything you do
anything you say
anything you want
anything you love
anything you wish for
could make me stop loving you?

even if you fall someday for somebody else
even if the earth blows up
and even if the oceans drown us
even if i die right now

i will love you
forever
and from the grave

[playing: would you fall in love with me again by jorge rivera-herrans and anna lea]

his spiteful talons push against my throat
the suffocating headlock makes my vision dance
a soothing, soft melody erupts behind my eardrums
i am not to speak the words climbing my esophagus
contain it, lock it deep down
air, the sweet relief of air
now a mystery
i collapse to the floor
blood spitting
down my face
who am i if i can be silenced this easily?