because i believed you
because i never realized how brown your eyes really were until i had the courage to stare
because you told me you were happier this way
because i don't feel suicidal when i'm with you
because you wanted me to meet your mother
because you never ask me what's wrong
because you don't care about anything
because i wanted to know what would happen
because i was too scared to ask
because ******* for leaving the first time
because i love you for coming back
because you only ever touch me when you're drunk
because his lips didn't feel like yours
because he made me laugh but not the way you could
because of 3 am nights with you are all i want to remember
because 3 am nights without you sit in the middle of my chest like a boulder
because my father warned me
because i can't do it anymore
because i can't do it anymore

The ***** back in play.
The crowd is cheering.
You're under pressure.
You freeze.…………



The pitch is thrown.
You swing and miss.
Strike one.
The ball is thrown....
You let it go.
Strike two.
People in the stands yelling and screaming.
The pitch is thrown.
You swing and you hit it.
Home run.


The first homerun of your life.

Aren't birthdays supposed to be happy?
Aren't birthdays supposed to be spent with friends and family?


My friends don't even know...
My best friend said goodbye last night..

Goodbye....

Two men one heart
Which one....

It's just a little checkup
To make sure my blood's still red
Not black
Or even gone altogether

It's just a little checkup
To make sure I'm more alive
On the outside
Than on the inside

11:45
make sure the straps are tight

11:46
all the time i've spent
wonder where it went

11:47
now
as the sweat beads on my brow

11:48
how did it get this late

11:49
what has happened to the time

11:50
here
how did it so soon appear

11:51
the count down is almost done

how could time be so cruel
11:52

to do this to me
11:53

feel the knocking at my door
11:54

11:55
i ponder life

all the wrong i did
11:56

11:57
now
next stop heaven or hell

for me it's much to late
11:58

11:59
again where went the time

as
12:00**
rolls around
can't help but think about
the horrid way that i lived
when they pull the switch