Why did I fall in
love with every single smile
thrown my way tonight?

I

the alarm clock refuses to set itself
it tells me this at 4:05 in the morning


II

I’ve started combing my hair
trying to maintain some sense of maturity
after I shaved my beard I
was reminded of my boyish look


III

the mirror decides to show
the reverse of a reflection
it shows me everything I’m not


IV

I have a dream where you’re the star
and I’m the narrator
we exist in the same world
but never interact


V

I look at my college degree like it’s an old photograph
from a time period I never lived in
I’m still seeking employment


VI

I turn 25 and unwrap gifts
looking for plans and hopes
and whether or not they’re relevant


VII

sometimes I wonder what you’re doing
who you’re with and how
much happiness you have


VIII

I disappoint myself
rejecting expectation
and ignoring opportunity
shaped in the consistency of
social resonance
populated by unpredicatable girls
who may charm you away
or ***** the scabs you’re dreading to discover


IX

abandoned ditches come with welcome signs
and I can’t help but feel a little afraid
that my vision is cut in half


X

two halves of a poem
form together
feel the uneven edges out
and agree on acceptance


XI

hands unfold
and position themselves for
placement
for some tangible thing
to appear

Prologue: I'm wasted in my car, outside of his party, waiting until I'm sober enough to leave, and only a single streetlight illuminates my car enough to scribble down my thoughts as I watch him wonder out into the coming storm, perhaps looking for me, as I wallow in the dark,
feeding myself cigarettes.*


Shaker

Cliche but
These feelings are still in my palm, clenching seashells and breaking into bitter
brittle little bones to crack like the thunder outside my window.
White strikes against the dashboard
Sitting in my car,
Wondering how far I'll fall beneath you and
how long these clouds of rain will take to reach you.
But like I've said every time you never listened,
You'll walk right through them, right to them, never for a second ever needing to lead you to them.
Still you give me too much credit.
As much as you make me uneasy,
You make my job easy.
Flickering street lights, its dark, its early in the night.
I wish it was quiet.
But its never been silent here
The town shakes still, all night long, so tiring
The night shakes out still a car, cricket, or siren.


I stop here, its time to leave