They say your first love is something you’ll never forget

The person you first loved under the summer sun of your junior year who held you close and swore the stars were in your eyes and they would never leave 

The intense, young love.

Innocent, pure, unpredictable. 

It’s true that you’ll never forget that love, but the love is not what you don’t forget 
You remember the first time someone literally took your heart out of your chest and drained every ounce of fluid from it as you watched another person hold onto his 

You remember how he swore he loved you and when those words came out of his mouth you felt like you understood the rest of the world, 

And when he said he didn’t feel it anymore you understood why in the first month with him your mother told you to slow down

You don’t remember how you remember, but you remember how you never actually forgot

I still think of you, and your warm smile

I think of the way you used to make me laugh until I cried and how you were the only salvation I ever had

You held me when I was sad and you always picked up my broken pieces

We were connected,

we were one,

we were all the love each other had ever needed

You knew me better than anyone else 
and after two years you let me free as if nothing had ever happened

So where did I go wrong?

where did I go wrong?

where did I go wrong?

I miss you.

It feels as if the world 

Has suddenly become as dark as night 
And us as a human race are wandering around lost 

Trying to find the switch so the light can come back on
But what we don’t realize is that it’s too far gone 


You may hear “how many people does it take to change a light bulb?” 

But I say, how many lightbulbs does it take to change people?

I spent ages falling apart 

Just to take the pieces of myself

To patch you back together 

And when you left

You never thought once

To return my pieces

It feels like I've lost control of everything surrounding me, even those empty spaces in my head. The ones where you hold important things and leave open for every part of you to float in and out of; like your first kiss, that time your older brother took you to the county air, or the day when your closest friend put the word "best" before it and you finally felt safe as you understood the agreement you two had just made. You're the keeper of these spaces, and what they keep. But, sometimes it feels like you've lost the key and the doors are swinging open like there's a big storm and you're trying to keep the rain from falling on your cheeks like the tears you've been crying but you just can't seem to control it and all you can think about is how you didn't actually want that boy to kiss you or how your brother only took you to the fair because you had no friends or how the word best was nothing but an empty ******* promise. But life doesn't stop, and those corners sometimes become voids and all you can do is wait for the storm to pass.