i'm trying to make steps toward clarity,
but it seems i'm moving closer to insanity.
i try to stay afloat,
keep my head above water.
yet still i'm drowning,
in search of all that i need
to be free of thought,
free of mind.
when will i cross freedom lines?
when will i stand,
still at ease
in face of sun,
embracing breeze.
whisper to trees
"how do you stay
so sane in midst of
disarray?
and if you may,
teach me to be like you.
so strong and so in touch with roots."
-
i know my strength lies within the very depths of who i am,
i know how challenging the channelling can get....
somehow i can write a mile a minute,
i can rant even splurge,
but for some odd reason i can't put this experience into words.

lost in the world, losing myself.
the first thought of you didn't help.
what will i teach her?
don't even know myself.
what will i give to her?
will my love be enough for her?

the reality of you came quick,
but reality forgot to kick in.

dealing with the world,
dealing with myself, as well
i found heaven in your eyes,
you brought heaven to this hell.
i take care of me so that i am able to take care of you.
i value me because you see the value in me.
i love me because you love me.
and i love you. i will always love you.
and because i love you,
i will treat you with care and affection.
i will speak positive over everything that you are.
you are kept & all your days will be full of complete bliss.
you will never grow weary,
you will not be mislead or insane
nor will you be torn down & content.
you will rise, always.

you saved me & i owe you my life, my love.

i owe you a life of meaning
full of peace, love & happiness.
i owe you wisdom & understanding.

bubby, i cant imagine a life outside of you.
my sanity relies on you.
my peace of mind and pieces of my life requires you.
thank you for showing me how true love feels.
how true love is.
thank you for keeping me,
without you i wouldn't know how to keep me.

my entire existence lives off of yours.
im just basically trying to say that you are my world,
and without you i would be lost.
i would not know how to love,
i would not know that there is love.
you are love & you are the most beautiful being i have ever laid eyes on.
the way you're so passionate about everything,
the way you are so challenging, and the way it annoys me but i wouldn't want to have it any other way.
you are so unique,
so full of energies that make others feel.
feelings of warmth and feelings of light.
never let the strains of the world take away all that you are.
please, don't allow it to make you hard.
stay soft & stay true
stay you.

i am here, i am there, i am everywhere.
i never leave you.
i am in the stars.
i am where you need me,
i am everywhere you are.
my promise to you,
to keep you.
to grow you.
to be a light to shine upon you.
to protect you,
to be true to you.
to be there for you,
when you rebel, and that you will..
i will hold my peace because i know.
and because i know me, i will know you.
and because i know you i know that the world can be trying,
but all that matters is your happiness and your peace of mind.
i know that we have to stay pure, and treat ourselves and others alike
; with kindness, care and genuine love.
we have to stay positive, and always see light in the darkest of things.
  because, if you can make it through the night there is always a brighter day.

love, mom.

and although i've never met you, i miss you..
i got lost in you, the kind of lost that's exactly like being found.
i want to explore you, objet trouvet.
i get toska thinking about you & your lover..
that should be me darling, you are well deserving of me.
well deserving of a lover that will love you until culmination.

like wine, i get better with time!
i am growing.
maturing, becoming wiser.
& i am eager to experience this chapter of my life.
5 years ago i was still a seed,
i was innocent,
oblivious,
in my prime.
there is so much beauty in being a seed.
6 years later...
i am celebrating not only 21 years of life,
but 21 years of growth.
i am no longer a seed, i am a beautiful flower.
i've blossomed.
i am everything i never thought i was capable of being.
& this is only the beginning.
i am happy, i am healthy, i am creative!
i am open-minded, strong, passionate,
i am genuine & understanding.
my fears have alleviated.
i am love, i know love.
i am blessed, i have hope & i am aware that everything i need to become the best version of myself lies within me & has always been there.
i am far from where i want to be but i am exactly where i need to be.
i am also far from where i was & that in itself gives me every reason to be grateful.
i am thanking God daily for the process, which is me.
cheers to being stronger & wiser, to understanding that life is what you make it, so ill make every moment of my life exactly what i want it to be.
#geminiszn #9plus10

heart torn between two lovers that temperate each other;
but were both distant
& caught in the fury of me.
-
both temporary lovers, who soon discovered that
only what’s meant will be!
one, open & honest
& the other?
was too far to tell,
who seemed distant and immortal until..
-
double the love like double cups.
im not ashamed, im poetry.
double or none,
who gives a ****?
are you afraid? thought you knew me..
behind bars like a prisoner to love.
he spit bars that are clinical,
what is love?
& he has heart, he ain’t sinister..
when i call he’s a minister giving me good love.

double the love like double cups.
im not ashamed, im poetry.
double or none,
who gives a ****?
are you afraid? thought you knew me..
behind bars like a prisoner to love.
he spit bars that are clinical,
what is love?
& he has heart, he ain’t sinister..
when i call he’s a minister giving me good love.

i am searching for your warmth baby,
i need it.
i am falling in love & i can’t believe it.
i am lost,
all this space
is so misleading.
but your voice
soothes my soul,
keeps me believing.
-

witnessing a love so unrequited;
bad energies invited,
with open arms
but uninviting.
no true intentions,
not enlightened.

i appreciate you,
& the more i think about it i can’t see myself without you.
it may seem too soon to tell,
but my heart is so manipulative.
though logic says otherwise,
love says do not give up.
because if you want it bad enough,
it’s yours ❤️

i feel like..
while we're busy searching for mysteries
we're missing out on the magic.
while we're running from theories,
we're wasting time and it's tragic.

ironically, love has ofttimes robbed me of my sanity & my peace of mind. my being.. destroyed by the time in which i’ve endowed in those i came to love. those whom requisitioned to love me in a way that would make forever seem reasonable..

and i find myself conflicting with people like myself, people that are looking for the same things that i myself are: soul intelligence, brilliance, killig, and a love that loves equally in return.

and when im away from him & his 'love', i feel homesick.. homesick for a place that doesnt even exist.
i sometimes question myself, i ask myself will i ever be able to experience hygge.

& sometimes i want to apologize to him.. for loving him so much, for being so passionate about caring for him in ways that he could never imagine, for trying to hold onto him when he obviously didnt want me in his life. all he wants is to be set free, but i dont think that i will ever be able to completely let go.. & i know he'll probably be happy without me & heaven knows that happy is all i want him to be. but when i love someone this much, a piece of my ego is with them.. if i let you go then you'll have to take a piece of my pneuma & quite frankly, im on my last piece. i am dying for your love & i am willing to face mortality.

you don't get to decide if i live or die.
not really living anyway, just tryna survive.
i do not understand.
i do not comprehend,
tell me the difference between without & within.

killed off the truth, power hungry fools.
******' up the youth with destructive tools.
mother nature, you must hate her.
running out of time, meet your maker.

low frequencies, high radiations.
altered truth, complete defamation.
too controlling, control yourself.
too focused on controlling wealth.
abject in health.

i say restart the world, give us a chance.
to make things better, to understand.

one day i have it all figured out & then the next everything is so obfuscated.
i have my mind set on those goals far beyond me, then i lose it as if i weren't just concentrated .. on things so important, on raison d'etre.

one day i'm at peace & then the next im in pieces.
i have my heart set on a man that probably wants someone far beyond me, and although he's losing & he's not concentrating on the fact that im rare.. fond of kalon, he is fond of me.
he doesn't know that what he is searching for is only right before him, foolish yet gapseed.

one day im alive & then the next i am barely breathing..
i have my feet set on a path too far, too complex, too difficile,
and although it may bring to me wary & bereavement, i will gait to the end.

i worry less about having more,
& cherish all that i have.
i am distant from complaint,
i do what i can to help.
i live a life in my eyes pleasing,
ive seen true purpose,
need no more reason.
-
i have been chosen,
to uplift,
i have a special chosen gift.
a light being,
i stand apart.
embracing beauty,
exploring heart.
-
a wise girl from the east,
who’s seen her share of fears,
stands fearless at the gates of hell,
her skin embraced with stares.
no longer tied to the level,
a new portal opened up.
her demons wave,
her demons cry,
“to a great warrior,
we wish you luck.”

-
i can put it on my life
and everything i love.
i gave you all i had
but my all wasn’t enough.
never crossed no lines,
never did you no wrong.
tried to wait for the right moment,
guess i waited too long.
my love had no pride
i loved with no lies,
& i loved you when i didn’t even know why.
wasted time,
love got away from us.
waste of time
cause we ran away from love.
ain’t even been a week,
im not weak
but i can’t even sleep.
it’s you im needing
& you won’t even speak..
how did love get away from us?
-
guess it’s not my time,
maybe i should wait for love.
-

he uses "nothing lasts forever" as excuse
to leave me secret,
incomplete
and seeking truth.
-
im left possessive,
and stranded..
drunk on poison,
empty handed,
begging for another hit,
another lick.
another "not quite, but close"
another spite,
another dose of what's stiff
and what fits perfectly like it was created just for me.
what's for me,
is for me.