as the wind blows
my thoughts begin to bleed
sharp words reflect what’s within
a stripped down body mirroring a freak
few moons ago I learned to breathe
the air was heavy it restored my pain
but that’s okay
lessons are learned the hard way

if anything, it will make you ill
to dream of recurring realities.
incapable of sleeping,
you wished for immortality.
beating up a damaged seeker
to detain a remorseful show,
but the golden chains
will only make the past
an elegant foe.
nested with tears on your palm,
enough to irrigate unheard roads.
stepped on with nowhere to be,
reluctant futures you sought.
but if anything, you will float with pride
carrying an unborn love, seas ahead.
if heart is a white feathered kite,
then life is yours, marvelous kid.

they think i am exaggerating when i say
i am a private one
i am a dark one, i am a shallow one
i am a sealed book
my lock is lost
and the key
at the deepest ocean tossed

do not try to open me
i mistakenly paved a bleak lane
and all the feet commonly turn away
when they feel the coldness of my heart
boosting the grounds from my narrow part

do not think you are my saving king
or my providing queen so just back away
and when i say you are just like the others
i was not exaggerating when i said

in a room full of people
my heart lingers of loneliness
as the shadows of my fingers
turn into one soulless silhouette.

intertwisted skin solaced in warmth
dreading my own happiness
like a painted smile
with all of my pain
underneath it
a southed yearn dying north
urged to lead the madness.

for you I’d wait
everyday, my darkest haze
and for you, I’d sway
I’d dodge the loudest fate
I would forever sing
songs for you and I

feet stumbled creating melodies
hands injured writing stories
but nothing ever made you stay
so I’d dance, for me and I

I dread the hours,
my world’s away.
as if living,
was a mistake.
never want to recall
another soul’s repression.
plunging words,
thud my grounds.
seeking whoever found
the arches and pillars.
then I, became a lover
and nearly a killer.
resemblance of a flower
my world is, parched.
of a steel gray mud
our essences rose,
sparkly white hearts led
innocents to a mighty road.
an albatross, sunken down
your heart’s a ship
and I, steadily sailing
don’t you ever frown.

pityness is all i got
when all i ever needed was love

i love you beyond reality
to every universe we might exist in
i love your sweet melody
to my heart i’d recognize
wherever you sing
i’d follow
and whenever you cry
we’re shallow

I know that I always push you away
I know when I need you the most
I vanish
I don’t want to be an unwieldy burden
and it hurts every time you’re hurt
and yes
I’m aware I love you more than myself
but I don’t know why I keep this distance
between our glaring love
am I afraid if I love you closely
I might lose you
and never touch you again?
or am I not ready
to pour all the love that I got
until one day it won’t be enough?
or maybe I enjoy loving you from afar
so I don’t get too attached

evade the sun..
my lustrous moon,
exotic!
my feelings, crude
melancholic..
I breathe a tune,
of manic!
my sun..
oh, so tragic!
tell me, moon
is loving such cruel
to jeopardize
a soul, so pure?

Numbing in my ears
Sensations around my eyes
Unable to forget the past
Eager to meet tomorrow
When yesterday’s pain
Bottled up over today’s
How easy is the present
When you don’t meddle
With the future’s consent
Eventually, your soul is settled
To find solace and pleasure
Breathable air you retain
For months, then half the weeks
Your own grip deftly lingered
It had enough woes to swell
And now you body is portraying
A life of a woman who’s a man
Yet hardly to carry children
Or grow a mustache

I learnt to welcome the future
eagerly
but not expect anything
as reality isn’t a fantasy
but fantasies could be
the reality I see

this is my story with love
full of suffocating curtains
for when the night is dim
my voice turns to embers

twisty smokey riddles
hidden shameful sinners
hearsay, life is blooming
I wonder, why is it gloomy?

the nights are lonely
and so are my stories
narrating a forged glory
my tears became holy

I for once, can breathe
picked up a radiant peach
golden taste shoved my teeth
poisonous fate, couldn’t breathe

illusionist perishing stars
feeble the sky is without light
watery eyes revive beyond
for a broken heart underneath

love is within deep waters
but I got no sea
no hands or feet
only a story to daydream

I never changed
I never will
I never caved
My baring quill
I never laid
A finger on the ill
And I will continue to bathe
Washing my fears out of their cells

Hope’s a fairytale
A figment of reality
Contempt for the pale
Quests conclude in mortality

Ruthlessly honest my life I lead
But for my emotions I selfishly conceal
My battles under the ground like seeds
Growing awry my desire to feel

I will not rest
until justice is served
but head left trembling
unsettled like a caterpillar
soon to be a butterfly
on a mighty burnt leaf
must the colors weave
the tremendous pain
heart pretended to sleep
for when the eyes close
mind is at peace
echos of emptiness
to everything that bleeds
lonely red soldier
unmask the alleged power
strip the garrulous walls
amaze the unhinged coward
squeeze the lemon
when moon deflowers
my soul will be waiting
on the edge of fanatic tower
catching ceaseless fires
drain my heavy heart
stitch it with barbed wire

you’re always up on my mind
and for you
I’ll lose it every time

my heart and my essences
reforming shapes
soon to be crystallized

I’m as calm as the ocean
before the ships come creeping in
noisy sirens will make them tear apart

I’m frigidly raging and my waves  
will never join the azure surface
until I finish what I started on my mind

i have mastered the arts of being shut
a lonely closed mouth all year but
only because my words had turned to dust
from the day my teeth been cut
and i hated the way things went unjust
dead flowers inside my guts

violence on the streets
the man is begging to breathe

cut the last shred of hope
rioters walking on lonely bones

fire on their hearts
pain filled the carts

no place to escape
hell with the fool babbling hearsay

their feet stay where the innocents bleed
violent sounds made the city sweep

with rebellion comes what may
ancient wounds won’t obey

stumbled upon your hideaway
an unexpected intrusion,
sunken heart I swallowed
hallucinating your shadow,

bluntly dismissing my worries
as my eyes fondly sought
a heaven within your cheeks,

softly blushing underneath
your eyes treasured me
oh, naive little me,

put a foot aside, darling,
undone love awaits outside,
fantasies blinded your soul
while I stood, earnestly
yearning to own your heart

you’re selfish
and I love it
but listen
to my heart
it beats oh just for one
melodic dispositions
I daydreamed and wondered
of your smile brightening my thunders
scars on my brown eyes
I’m forever the prey of the hunters
no more recruiting
dissolve the pieces of my wholeness
I’m lost and you’re found
let me find the way back to my altar
fumbling walls shining in ambers
doors shuttering in dismay
oh angel they must convey
to my loner heart there they will obey
you’re still selfish
but I despise it

maybe the reason I am here
is the reason I weep,
silent all these nights
like an owl bleeding white,
sorrow it reeks
peace it seeks,
white is the color of my mother
telling me I selfishly brag with honor,
I sailed through the stars
to find a place on mars,
dug a grave miles away
to let my soul solely sway,
maybe I don’t need a guardian
since I find enjoyment in hiding.

fatefully inclined
clinically parched
of receiving love
deceptively lied
to protect my heart
logically engraved
emotions to blame
my darkened eyes
when losing sight
how could I
mend my spine
for a soul
that’s not mine

when you’re about to speak
but you remember your opinion
will go nowhere
nobody will listen, nobody will be here
you’re alone in a noisy room
a room full of people
with their ears closed
even their hearts
are just as cold as the night you were born

the sin of having to see the life
the force to spread and leave the night
to get beaten standing in the sunrise

the screams of the burning angels in paradise
agitating the children in the wombs at the dark

mothers hiding to save others’ lives
from a fire created by a slave’s palm
making it a torch twirling around the town

nothing but ashes the traitors walk among
how adjusted their world turned to be
by burning poor and throwing the crops
and all that won’t justify your gray soul

maybe you’re not a fixer
you just need fixing
your broken pieces need healing
and you’re not a healer
you thought you could save me
but i’m here to save you

maybe the two strangers
looking at the same shining light
shared the most graceful moment
of their lives
without a clue in mind
what the stranger’s name was
but they knew what they smelled like
and maybe these strangers
shared more moments than we ever can

there is so much i haven’t done
i keep wondering
if i’m ever going to live my dreams
which i locked away from all the screams
of the people who don’t believe in me
none of us asked to be born here
but we’re living to survive
to live the moment
to cherish and love
to dream but to beware
of any becoming nightmare
i’m ready for the knives to cut me deep
i’ve already healed
from the scars that made me weak
but made me got up on my feet
remembering all the moments
i promised myself to not cry and weep
when the enemy comes ready to beat
i’ve been defeated but no more deceiving  
no more hesitation, i’ll turn the wheel
i’m far from weak
i’m the strongest i’ve ever been
you can’t hurt me
if my scars are already seen
you thought you could manipulate me
but here i am, messing with your brain
telling you nothing but the same words
you’ve been telling me for years
i watch you fall into the lake
****** rain dripping down the lane
you’re drowning and you can’t speak
is there something you want to say?
i’ve heard it all, no more place for me stay

on a quiet wood
there she stood,
a bright wild one
mysteriously fun,
flickering in a cold night
leafs crumpled in fright,
birds shivering in nests
a man burying his fists,
the neighbor lit a fire
closed the shop after one buyer,
she wore silver and broke the rule
he told her to wear black or he’ll be cruel,
beaten up on the streets of green hope
cleaners washed her along with soap,
“can you hear me darling,
who is responsible for the bruise?”
she giggled with tears and said:
“a man, like millions of men.
you’ll never catch him,
but he threw his cigarette in the bin!”
puzzled eyes staring at a victim
will they get an answer from the mistress?

I have asked
so many questions
that are unasked
and how could I
keep on living
without a mask

I have been asked
to spit awful lies
to shut my heart
follow a narrow line
never turn back
unimaginable art

I was told to ask
never listen to my mind
questions were planned
purity, never aligned
genuine curiosity
a knife to my body, banned

tears scratching my face
I turned 60, in two decades
nobody by my side, I’m limping
a moth surviving amongst butterflies
my life is nothing but polished lies
a child stabbing the mother’s womb
regretting the day they shared a tune
but she left her flowers in home
to die, whilst she got lost in rome
then she recalled her flowers are parched
the water is out and the walls are hatched
dry clouds did not rain for 6 months
they screamed for help to make thuds
amend the broken ones! split their pain
to bloom and grow without fears again

I write for the dead
whom I keep alive
long live the dead of the night
standing in my memory to keep it alive

I wail for the dead
devoted tears mended my spine
voices inside my head
conducted my fall

I lied to the dead
their graves haunted my grounds
faked my death to escape
but my soul got stolen in chains

let the dead live within
soon they will gnaw
at the deepest roots
until the soul cave in
howling of sorrow
longing for a rescue
but the body reeks
bleak and shallow
emptiness then
for infinite days

somewhere in europe
when the man met the woman
silhouettes through the window
of them kissing
she vanished after the rhythms
were lost in a stranger’s vision
he played with her like a violin
a body of a sad song spinning
flesh were rotting
the price of the heartbreak
is unforgiven
mending the misery
cannot be unwritten
the divine interventions
shattered the moments
smiles in europe
turned into tears of a golden cherub
the ghost of an imperious man
made the commands
until nothing was left to demand
the mistreat
he tried to pull it
far from the sight
but he couldn’t
so he had to bite the bullet

a goddess in the night
when the bright sun was peeling
like a wild flower
being picked up from an empty ceiling
like a hurricane shattering every appearance
from a youthful child’s appealing
to a dull grayish feeling

she was born again in the evening
hearing every judgment like a knife
cutting through the wounds of healing
she was nobody but somebody to me then

she had the essences of me when i was leaving
a body of a soul that was not leaning
to let the sky’s tears wash off deep ends
of sad songs colliding to let you speaking
words you’ve never heard before
to a lovely womanly hearing

i am her and she was me
but she was fearing me
and i wasn’t letting her seeking
the discomfort of the godlessly meaning

i longed for the dreamy eyes of yours
glowing like crystals, inside a cuckoos
ringing in my ears, a delightful sound
happy me and happy you, in a paradise
i dream of you
i lust for you
i wish that you would see me too
but how could i have that touch
when my hands haven’t made it yet
to hold you at my best
shaky fingers can’t hold a piece of heaven
i dropped you down to carry me
selfishly thinking i love you
resting your head upon me
i just loved the idea of you

dig your own grave until you demolish
the love you built with a loner in the forest,
talking with your mouth closed you learned
to teach your love how to survive the hunt,
when people like you and me came to cut
our throats deep like animals in the wild we bent,
but trips to cities became the heaven you craved
we’re blinded by a love we didn’t intend to make,
we were short-sighted lovebirds lost in a gray sky
but we have to wash the blood of a war we stood by.

dead soul, present to me

lived the life before i breathe
so exotically charming, inside a strange grave
in a foreign city thrown away.

the voices of damaged emotions i hear
so keen on them, i mustn’t leave
following a dead-end of unhappy mistakes.

familiar eyes saw him pick a misguided lane
here in the white sand, he’s forever insane
a smudged bathtub in blood far away.

here lies the miraculous man.