I always thought that we'd be stronger than this.
That we'd be able to make it through anything.

We always said we could handle these storms.
That we'd love each other through anything.

And suddenly, when the storm begins,
You're ready to leave, and let us end.

Just like that, with absolutely no warning,
You told me "I just don't wanna be in a relationship right now."

Do you even know how broken I became
When you said that that day?

After a year and six months
It's no longer me that you want?
But I loved you so much it hurts..
Never mistreated you once.
I poured my heart out to you
Let down my guard, swear to God..
I'll blow my brains in your lap.
Lay here and die in your arms..
Drop to my knees and I'm pleading
I'm trying to stop you from leaving..
You won't even listen, so **** it.

You said you wanted to be friends
You asked me not to block you out

"I still want you. I still love you.
We'll get back together soon."

Well, sir, I'm not your safety net.
If you leave, I won't be here when you finally want me.

Even if we make it through this
I'll never feel the same

I used to be so comfortable
Now all that was in vain

Because now I know
I can't let my imperfections show

If I'm not perfectly perfect
You'll think I'm not worth  it

It's tearing me apart
I gave you all of my heart

I've never given so much
Just to be left in the dust

I love everything about you
So much that I'd rather hate you

I could never be your friend
That's why I don't want this to end

Why do we go through
all of this stress?
So easy to forget.

Smoke a thousand
cigarettes,
Another ****
another hit,
another poke,
Another whip,
another mindfield to avoid.

A ****** cut,
A ****** mind,
A ****** mouth.

Not just another disembodied
mind
in the ether's ink.

Skin & Bones & Flesh
until
that
sharp and shooting
pain
so easy to
forget.

women say they want a sensitive man but they mock me when i sit at the piano crying for hours holding a lighthearted paper candle and a smile tucked in between my lips

they say they want a hard working man with ***** fingernails but
they claw at me if i turn a sun-browned shoulder against them in bed

they say they would love a cultured man but they cringe when i kiss them with lips tasting of whiskey & cigar smoke or touch them with fingers gentle as soft old paper

they say they dig the cold but they huddle in blankets when i stay up all night dancing naked across the lawn listening to joni mitchell in january

they say they want their own sugar space but turn sour when i linger and wake up dreaming of becoming an astronaut

they say they're comfortable with my past imperfections but it's my fault when i have a nightmare about being strung out on the perfume of another woman

they want a man who can write a song but they struggle when i anchor a poem to their delicate ankles and fill their empty rooms with shamefully broken pencils

they love my beautiful tattoos and piercings but shake me when i spend days wrapped inside a coral shell singing a lullaby

they want the idea of a man they've read about in books but won't tolerate me when i read them the atrocities in the sunday paper under the lampshade of an oak tree

women say they'll take me as i am but get lonely when i wander for a week and come home buried in the scent of a rock and roll bar

they say they make friends easily, like me, but can't stand to come home to talking & laughing cynical & drunk in a house full of strangers

they want a quiet man who loves them like the stars but scream when i learn to fly at the mercy of the weather & can't be captured

they want to live naughty with the thick musk of a man but act bewildered when they're caught soaking wet and weak in the knees

women say they love men with a tolerance but get jealous when i'm dizzy drunk at dawn on cheap tequila and the memory of my mother

they want a man who lives inside a corridor of words but hate me when they realize artful compliments are only cages of pretty lies

they're helpless for a man with grace but hate me when i'm pitiful and clumsy in the dark after blowing out candles and closing windows in the middle of june

they say they'll only fall in love with a lover of music but audibly cough when i hush them as Coltrane makes dazzling sodium fall across my face

they all wish for a man with careful eyes
but mine are blue and empty in the end
& it gets lonely
so i will no longer carry a song for them in my heart
like a trail-weary cowboy
no lust
no memory
no guilt
no cups
no whistles
or jewels in my vulnerable shadow