I cried myself to sleep last night,
because for the first time,
it felt like you didn't care.

you used to ignite me like your Marlboros.
(breathe me in//exhale me out)

you used to care enough not to light up a cigarette when you were around me,
but as you watched the fireworks in the sky that night while I watched ours go out,
i should have known that when you said "goodbye" and lit up a cigarette that you meant it.

i was never the type of girl to romanticize sliding a blade across my wrists,
but I couldn't resist the way you felt against my skin.
like a strong gust of wind as I stood like a delicate flower on the edge of a cliff,
you propelled me over with the smallest push.
it was not the fall that made me feel like I could fly or walk on water,
but the feeling of skull cracking against the ground as you watched from above.