1 hour later
The tears still streaming
Knowing I was a fool
And staying.
What sense was that?
Knowing that you kissed me
And then kissed her
Only to kiss me again.
Why did I stay?
In front of my eyes was the truth
Yet, I overlooked it
I listened to your lies
Over and over again.
I never rued anything in my life
But if I could,
I would,
Take that relationship back.
Take that kiss back.
Take that I love you back.
Take that “yes” back.
I should have gone with my gut instinct.
I should have listened to my heart
When she said no.
Funny when the brain and heart agree.
That never seems to happen
Yet,  I ignored both.
Karma pushed me through
And I swear I will never cheat on another girl in my life.
I will never play her.
I will give her all of me.
I will not shut down.
I will not hesitate.
I will be hers
And only hers.
If I ever find that lucky girl.
She’s out there I’m sure
Just not now.
She’ll be the one that I tell I want to marry
I will put that idea in the air first.
She’ll be the one I say I want to be with you forever
Although I don’t believe in forever
She’ll be my forever
As long as she’s mine.
I will be hers
And I will treat her the best I can.
Karma had to lose herself in me
Just for me to grow up quicker.
Just for me to quit the games.
Just for me to slow it down.
Just for me .
The tears never flowed because my heart was broken.
The tears streamed because I understood all the hurt
From all the girls  
Who let me in
Who’s hearts I caressed then crushed
Who’s minds I played tricks with like I was Houdini
Who’s eyes I looked into and lied to
If I could, I would
Apologize to every single one of them.
If I could, I would.

To the future I don't know
Toast to the stars.
It's written in our destiny
Whether we know it or not
It can be predicted
But there are exploding stars
Making you unprepared for the unexpected
Anything goes, but for you I know it won't
The universe listens and feeds us
What we desire and don't
Your energy fills the galaxy
Therefore it gives back, of course with time
So just give yourself away
Its so much harder to fight than to let go
Slow down and that shove will be a light push
Don't force it, it will happen.

To the past we once knew
Tilt my glass to the homies who ain't make it through
A rose was planted for you
To my surprise it grew.
Underneath all that concrete
Those roots, yeah, they run deep
To the haters who wanted sleep
Shut up, I don't want to hear ish, not a peep
This is my time, and all of it I intend to keep
My energy has traveled the universe
In these red chucks, I mean converse
Just for me to end back with you
Giving myself to you, feeling myself inside you.
No, it wasn't forced
****, I don't even know the source
But now I'm trying to figure out what course
To take
Should I give myself away
Or fight it, like Rocky
No I'm not trying to be cocky
But I know you want me.
When we kiss, starz explode
But my destiny is trying to unfold
Its not my intentions to be a ****
This life is just nothing we can predict
Whatever happens, happens is the verdict!

“I want you to bite my lip until I can no longer speak
And then **** my ex girlfriend’s name out of my mouth just to make sure she never comes up in our conversations.
I’m going to be honest, I’m not really a love poet
In fact, every time I try to write about love my hands cramp… just to show me how painful love can be.
And sometimes my pencils break, just to prove to me that every now and then love takes a little more work than you planned
See I heard that love is blind so, I write all my poems in Braille
And my poems are never actually finished because true love is endless.
I always believed that real love is kind of like a super model before she’s air brushed;
It’s pure and imperfect, just the way that God intended.
See I’m going to be honest, I’m not a love poet
But if I was to wake up tomorrow morning and decide that I really wanted to write about love I swear that my first poem…
It would be about you.
About how I loved you the same way that I learned how to ride a bike: Scared
But reckless with no training wheels or elbow pads so my scars can tell the story of how I fell for you.
You see, I’m not really a love poet
But if I was I’d write about how I see your face in every cloud and your reflection in every window
You see I’ve written like a million poems hoping that somehow maybe someway you’ll jump out of the page and be closer to me
Because if you were here, right now
I would massage your back until your skin sings songs that your lips don’t even know the words to.

Until your heartbeat sounds like my last name and you smile like the Pacific ocean
I want to drink the sunlight in your skin.
If I was a love poet
I’d write about how you have the audacity to be beautiful
Even on days when everything around you is ugly
You see I’d write about your eyelashes and how they are like violin strings that play symphonies every time you blink.

If I was a love poet
I’d write about how I melt in front of you like an ice sculpture
Every time I hear the vibration in your voice so whenever I see your name on the caller ID my heart
It plays hop scotch inside of my chest.
Yo it climbs on to my ribs like monkey bars and I feel like a child all over again.
I know this sounds strange but every now and then I pray that God somehow turns you back into one of my ribs…
Just so that I would never have to spend an entire day without you.

I swear, I’m not a love poet
But if I was to wake up tomorrow morning and decide that I really wanted to write about love
My first poem it would be about you
And after all of that she was like, so how do you feel about me?
And I said, put it like this:
I want to be your ex boyfriend’s stunt man. I want to do everything that he never had the courage to do like… trust you.

I swear that when our lips touch I can taste the next sixty years of my life.
And some days I want to swallow stacks of your pictures just so you can be a part of me for a little bit longer.
If I could I would sample your smile and then I would let my heart beat
Do the bass line, we would create the greatest love song of all time
Whenever, we stand next to each other, love I was the only one made for you and you can be at last my Etta James
I’ll be oh child when you’re in pain or you could be candy coated drops of rain
Even though it never rains in Southern California
And together, we could be music.

And when my friends ask if you’re my girlfriend
I’ll say no.
She is my musician
And me… I’m her favorite song.”


-by Rudy Francisco

This magical feeling
Inside your gut.
It gave you wings and made you fly.
Makes you feel like forever exist.
Slowly, it failed.
The high expectations became
Disappointing failures.
Continuous walking back and forth.
Pain & ****-ism,
the era it became.
Oh how thou Love fell like humpty dumpty. The pieces couldn't be put back together again.

Lets go back to the start
Where we first met
And everything was fine.
I felt at an all time high with you.
Cloud 9 existed without the need of any substance
Just your love was enough
Eyes low, heart racing
Your smile, just your smile
Sent chills down my spine
The love felt so genuine
So true
So real
Your touch electrified it
I knew it wasn't a dream then
What we had I cherished
I cherished like my favorite stuffed animal
The time passed, and passed
Your love changed
My need for you died
It blew out like a fire lit candle
To this day I wonder how such love
True love could vanish before my eyes
And every time I think about it
I feel a drop in my soul
A pinch in my heart
And I hear laughter in my head.

Built on an unsteady foundation
Rocked back and forth by emotions
Occasionally catching a steady rhythm or two
Keep at bay
Every time I think of you
Nothing seems to go away.
I pace back and forth
Only to realize
I’m still in the same place
Hoping for myself to change
So I run away
Only to still feel the same pain.
Get my life together
Is all I want to do
But sometimes I feel like
That’s not even plausible.
Attract who you are
Wondering why you keep selecting all these dudes
Only to wake up and realize
They’re in the same place as you.
Misery loves company
That’s one hell of a statement
It’s as real as it gets
So I become complacent.
Tell myself to never settle
For less than what I deserve
But for what’s it worth
I think I deserve someone as broken
As myself.

You remind me of myself.

You’re a shooting star

Because I don’t care where you came from

and I can see where you’re going.

But most importantly

you’re here

with me

right now

and you’re so beautiful.

If I had one wish

i’d give it to you.

You are a nebula,

My cloud 9

And the silver lining.

Your eyes are like planets

so complex

And the closer I observe them the more I feel I understand you.

That’s why I stare

When they rotate and stop at me

I find it miraculous

that planets would defy their own laws of nature

just to pause time for me.

Your hair and skin are like galaxies.

This galaxy dripped drops of excellency when you were created…

Your beautiful  brown skin is hard not to kiss

Because the Milky Way’s chocolate is priceless

Your mind is like a black hole…

So hard to understand and no one will ever know its depths

but it continuously takes in without hesitation.

It attempts to swallow the knowledge of life and existence.

Your heart is the Sun…

The reason for life as I know it

Vital

Yet every time I try to get close

you hurt me

Why?

Why can’t you trust me with your Sun?

Why can’t I trust anyone with mine?

usually it's always been
me, my pen, and paper.
finding the exact words
to express how I feel.
but it seems to be
I'm at my most difficult point.
my dreams are ******* up
I'm in so many unfamiliar places
With so many unfamiliar faces.
my thoughts are consumed
of so many things at once
I can't seem to find the reason behind thinking anymore.

this feeling called love,
maybe I'm just no good at it.
you're supposed to be able to love yourself
and I do
but it's the things I do
to be completely in love w myself
is it right?
To put in fake hair
because my deepest desire
is possess what I don't have.
To put on chemically processed make up
just to make my eyes stand out through my frames
because if I could, those frames would be in two
and maybe I'd feel more beautiful.
To put my checking account on empty
trying to keep up with the latest trends
and sometimes then
I'm not satisfied
because then it comes down to
personality.
And that I won't even begin to touch upon

The gravity that once held me up has me
falling
And I can't help it because I fall in
The love you keep
taking
From me so I take in
What I can still grasp as I'm
walking
With you to this paradise so we walk in
Together only to walk out
parting
Ways because your part in
This relationship was never there, constantly
lying
Just to see if you can lie in
My heart that's already
broken
The pieces that came back as one broke in
Several more pieces as I'm
dying
And still you never open your arms so I can die in
Them.

We play small in this world
Because we fear we are inadequate.
We think we lack strength and motivation
When actually our bones are made of it.
Failure was a word created in our lives
Just to derive us from our original intention.
But we must stand tall
We are all meant to shine bright.
Instead of swimming in an ocean full of tears
We're supposed to float high above the clouds.
There are the footprints on the moon
And man-made droids on Mars,
Our goal is to reach for the stars.
Liberate yourself from your fear of drowning
And soon every other second will be worth it.
With every passing day as a vision of hope
How can you frown upon it?
Your dreams are only an action away from reality.

The beauty of it all
Simply amazes me.
Admiration and appreciation of your physical being.
Not even touching upon your mental
or spiritual yet.
I admire you
As though I'm the artist and I sculpted you,
to the exact way I wanted you.
But I didn't make you
And I can't get past that.
You came unto me as that
And I praised the Lord
One figure I didn't have to change.
So I begin to chisel your mind
To find what your mental was made up of.
Your head was made up of stars
but no constellations were formed.
It was a black hole
******* in all knowledge
Leading to a galaxy
A perplexed galaxy
And I loved exploring it.
Visiting every star and discovering every planet.
I fell in love with your 9th , your sun.
It lead to your soul.
Your spirit.
Whatever you may call it.
And although you let me in for only a few seconds.
I followed your outline that led inwards
to comprehend that we met before.
Your flares felt familiar.
This was the next lifetime
And our chances were here.

Numbers are real

Yet, untouchable.

The universe in my hand

Literally, unseeable.

My thoughts,

they’re real

But seemingly, unbelievable.

Your skin against mine,

Ha! improbable.

Longing for you,

The impossible.

I’m waiting for you,

That’s undeniable.

Your feelings?

That’s questionable.

My fear was
Having all my hard work
Lost.
Destroyed.
Reversed.
Feels like I’ve been cursed
With you stuck in my head
All I do is dread
I miss you but
I hate you
I can’t seem to escape you.
I throw shade on your name
You’ve been acting so lame
Acting like you don’t love me
And what we had wasn’t real.
I get the feel
That you moved on
So I push forward too
Only sometimes to rue
Leaving you
Or loving you
Depends on my mood.
Everywhere I go
We put a stamp on it
I know everything you love
And I try to run away from it
I ran so far only to end in my starting place
So here I am
Writing about you.
Loving you
And hating you.
Can’t get away from you
Look forward to the day I do.

I am taken aback by your mind.
Stricken by your soul.
Only to have your body soothe me.
The grasp of your hands on my hips
Your lips caressing mine
As your tongue finds its way to hold my moans back.
You stroke me as if I'm yours
So I close my eyes & fall into a world where I believe it's true
And for a while I'm in ecstasy
Making love with you endlessly.
Scared that when it's over you'll forget about me.
& hey, what's up? to the girls blowing up your phone.
So I stay in your bed
Trying to comfort myself.
Wrapping myself in a false reality
Living in a dream where I thought love existed.
To realize when I wake up
Last night was a mistake.
Along with the previous night
& the night before that.
There was no love
Not even the slightest feeling of a crush
Yet your affection when your ******* me
Caresses the affection I want to feel,
Not from you
But any who will.
Your mind was not a matter
Until I learned your thoughts
Saw the depths
To find your flaw
The biggest of them all.
You have no respect for ladies & you call yourself a gentleman.
Even then, I look past it.
As if there's the tiniest hint you have any for me.
Still, you want me to chase you
And honestly I need to replace you.
You're no good for thee.
And yet, I still look beyond it
Thinking your soul & mine were meant to be
That they've been searching for each other for an eternity
Madly in love in another lifetime.
Yet,
I am going to remain quiet, silent, hushed.
Figuring out in my head that it's time that I began to realign the distance between us
Making it grow *farther & farther & farther & farther
Until the idea of you doesn't creep into my thoughts,
keep me up at nights,
wishing, hoping for no apparent reason that you're thinking about ******* me
**Because then at least I know I'll hear from you.

They tell me I couldn't make it
That all my race does it fake it.
But together we'll prove them wrong
Before us they;
strived and reached
With powerful motivation and dedication
Blood, sweat, and tears
Created a race that'll stand strong
Against all odds
And prevail.
Back in the day
The rhyme went "words will never hurt me"
So steady, tall, and proud I'll face them.
I'll let them talk
But I'll devastate them
Leave them quiet in my path.
Success flows in my veins
Pumping our hearts,
Forming the only incentive we need,
The will to push ourselves.
Don't ever let words derive you
Always let them prescribe you
With all the medication
You need for strength and harmony.

You give me all the unconditional love,
anyone could ever ask for
Typically that's all that's ever asked for
But why do I feel I need more from you
Why do I feel as though we can grow
But how, I'm not sure
I see you potentially staying as is
And most people are static
So I totally get it
You'll say you'll change your whole life
But who's to say that
Time will be of an issue
People are constantly entering and exiting
Life is just that
Although I may not feel as though I'm in love with you
I keep thinking that I can and will
I haven't fully given up
And I'm battling between the two
Give up, keep fighting
But whoever said loving was easy
Lied
It can be difficult
Its 2 totally separate people forming back together
to be one
So **** it
Face your fears
Take it head on and you'll come out strong
Could be days, weeks, months later
But I can assure you
Things will always get better
No matter how down they may see
Because every once and a while
I get quite a bit curious
Wondering if I'm better off to the next
OR maybe I'm better off alone
Allowing whoever and whomever
to keep entering and exiting
I refuse to accept just anything though
Only a half full glass

I've Never Let A Past Lover Go..

They all have taken a piece of my heart

So I am left with nothing

But an empty cavity

Where my heart once was

So forgive me if you should think I don't love you.

This infliction within me
I'll live with it.
For now.
I dream of your face
Of the relief I would have
If I could just touch you one more time,
even if it's just to slap you.
For all I wanted was a sorry.
Guess you couldn't own up to your actions.
This infliction within me
Makes my heart skip a beat.
I don't need you in my life
But I have this pain aching for you
Aching for something you won't give.
Did you ever love me?
I wish you'd just tell me you didn't
Then I could move on with my wounds
This infliction within me
Can't stand to know that you'll stick to your lies
Keeping them right by your side
Makes me want to break down and cry
This infliction within me
Just wants to move on
Just wants to forget it all
Within due time
I tell my heart
However, she'll just keep skipping that beat
Until that time comes.
This infliction within.

Speaking of deeper
How deep is your mind?
Can you travel with me
deeper than you can see?
Open your eyes
and adjust them to this
new level with me
We're just searching for the deeper meaning of
Everything
Just searching

I happened to fall off
Once I saw I couldn't have
What I thought belonged to me
My heart ached
Like my soul was dying
My mind laughed
'Cause she already knew
What was going to happen.
A fool, my heart has played
Numerous times.
Hopelessly feeling like you're the one
A sad reality I live in
In my dreams you shall remain
With the faith
That one day
The seams will burst.

You took my hand and there it was; I saw it with my own eyes. Higher than the satellites, your touch sparked our vision, sparked our bond. I watched the electricity flow from your end to mine. It was a tiny universe, about as wide as our faces and as long as my gaze was from yours. Time stood frozen for half a second. Through our connection, through our touch, through our gaze, through that half a second, I witnessed our lives intertwined and how beautiful it was going to be. You questioned me, "What’s wrong?” I responded, “Nothing has ever been more wrong since I met you, but that’s the thing. You are my wrong right choice. You are the energy I’ve touched before and in such wrong versions of you and me, it’s never been such a right choice. Touch my hand and gaze with me again.”
— Excerpt from a book I will write

The way       I want you
You'll never comprehend.
If you could peek into my dreams
Envision how I see me & you
   You'll never want this to begin.
My juices of creativity never ending
So the smile on your face won't leave.
Imagine all the wonders & sights & things that'd be collected in our memory.
Just flowing with the wind, no for sure place to stop
Traveling the world, our destination forever.
The way to get us there is love
                                and all,
                                             the time,
                                                           I spent,
                                                                       thinking about,
                                                                                                                                   you.
In my head & on my mind constantly you stay
Hopes that I'll meet you one day
At the place where my dreams and reality collide
With hopes of finding you attached to a tree
Oh flightless bird
Please tell me I'll find you
I imagine you'll be fragile when I do
All intentions is to tend to your wounds.
My nameless face
Well perhaps my faceless name
Your title is Mine, but your face remains unclaimed.

As I was once relived
Of any emotional needs
All animosity free of me
I make another decision to cause the grief.

So precious is life
Until it's taken away

Whether by age or disease
Death is a shadow
Hiding in the trees
Waiting to wrap it's claws
Around your soul
Steal you away from Mars, oops I mean Earth

Why do we grieve
When we're supposed to celebrate
Why do we celebrate
When we're supposed to grieve
We hold our composure for the most part

  Then suddenly, it's like we're a work of art
                                                 We   E                     and rage
                                                          ­      X
                                                                ­   PLODE


        Until we don't know ourselves  
That's death c r e e p i n g, l u r k i n g
     Amongst the shadows
Waiting to send you back from once you came!

Reminding you
What's here today
Can be gone tomorrow
Then we'll feel the sorrow, the hurt, the regret
That's just more motivation
To push to enjoy every moment
Take in every breath
  
But you're living is not the same
as others
We're searching for a connect
Reasons to tell us why
How could we be filled with light,
Yet left in the dark?

By faith in Him
And a l l that we must endure
For
Death hides in your footprints
              Just waiting for that day
                                  To allure you away...
                                                         ­              ...

Don't
Do not.
Do not do it.
You won't regret it, but you won't learn from it.
Your future days will be lonely.
Your heart will ache.
You will cry out for what will not be there.
The emptiness will echo and never end.
The space will not be fulfilled.
So don't
do not
do not do it.
You're going too fast
Depression will sneak onto you.
Eat you alive.
Outside to inside.
The reflection will crack
And your world will turn upside down.
Just stare, smile, and move on.
Don't
do not
do not do it.
The future posses nothing that will last forever
Your past will keep you up at night
Although it's the present.
You're fingers will be empty
And you're legs will never unfold.
Don't.
Do not.
Do not do it.
                                                                                                                        sincerely, your future.

I feel the fear holding me back.
To grasp it
Hold it
Take control of it
That's the goal.
Embrace it
Use it as I'm raging
Empower it
In all the right directions
Increase my will
Heighten my senses
Give it my strength
As it will do the same.
Then
And only then
Will you become invincible
Higher than average
Who you are meant to be
Don't be scared to be free.

The love stored in my heart for her
Can only live there for so long
I feel the doors ready to bust open
I feel the love trying to escape
To find it's way to
Intertwine with her.
So perfectly we fit
So eyes open we see
So mouth closed we say
I love you.

Having these thoughts
Of why?
Why do I have to publicize myself as ****?
So a boy can sweep me off my feet?
So I can have thousands of followers,
Who tell me all the time I look beautiful
With all these
false lashes, fake weaves, cake on my face
Why is this beautiful to you?
And why am I shamed if I don't do it?
I'm sorry if I'm "old school",
But I'll happily prance around in your long t-shirts.
Make up free,
Wind kissing my scalp as my natural hair blows free,
Sun radiating off my skin,
Melanin issued by the Gods.
Thank the Gods I'm just me.
Carefree, eventually.
Until then I'm part one versus part two.

I was lost

in all the love you gave me.

Pause,
Along the lines of,
Universal time.
Suppress the hands of the minute and hour
Entrap my thoughts in a cage
PAUSE
Make sure to double lock them
And throw them away.
Don't forget to burn the key,
I really need a second to breathe
PAUSE
Perhaps, *a couple seconds more
Understanding me, the forever misunderstood
Stamped on my forehead,
Engraved on my skin.
PAUSE
Can you read me now?
Now that I'm,
drowning in seconds,
engulfed in minutes,
gone for hours.
Yet, time never paused*....

Transcendental viewpoint
Staring, in observe mode.
Linked to your every move
Breaking down single actions
Every little single thing you do
It's Godly to me
Nothing or nobody has ever seemed more
Divine
Simply pouring a glass of a water
Into a hourglass frame
I could have slid my feet
Across your hardwood floor
And still sent electricity to your touch
Thank the Universe
I'm chilled in your clutch
How do you do that?
Add fuel to my fire
Yet, keep it contained
Every single amber of ash
Controlled within you.
what Godly planet did your energy originate from?

The thoughts are gone
My mind at ease
I haven’t noticed this kind of peace
Stressed but blank
Worried about moving up in rank
Get my head on straight
Stop ******* up so much
That would come in clutch
I know I’m not perfect
Lord knows my imperfections
Weak moments are secured
Feelings on standby
No time for that
No more handouts
You work for what you want
You get what you give
You’ll always be better than baby ***
Moving on to a sailor
From bootcamp to A school
They’ll try their hardest to make
A soldier out of you
Little do they know
You’ve been in plenty of battles
Win and lost many fights
Drink to the foam
Heal your battle wounds
Encouraged to see another day
Support by the thousands
Don’t let anyone down
April 6th is your day
You’ll really have that crown.

Have you ever met someone
Made up of everyone
Everything she's ever encountered
So consumed with that make up
She doesn't know her true self
She can search far and deep
But the memories seem to be in a keep
Close enough to see but too far to reach
Else, they never existed beneath
Peel back her layers of skin
You'll find nothing within
For everything lives in her head
The dread,
The dreams,
The seams
That burst
She must be cursed
She won't give in
That is all I know.

I hate
When you skip across my mind
I seriously hate
 Wanting to talk to you, feeling like I can't
What burns me alive
 Is knowing I want you to want me
More than just yours
But make it official, give me your left hand
 ring finger
What I know though
In reality, you're no better for me
Than thy for thee
For such wrong souls
It feels so right
Heart flutters, to the idea of never letting go
Unfortunately, those dreams pop
Bubbles burst, seams busted
Filled with too much *******
Spewed all over my thoughts
Fighting this constant battle between loving or leaving
Limbo, limbo, limbo
Just give something I've never had
We'll think about it later.

Let me set you down
Show why you why I've been a bad girl now.
Hormones chemically imbalanced
But extremely high in one area
I need some focus
Some concentration set on me
I'mma be all the way selfish
I just want you
To physically feel your
Hands, glide smoothly down my sides
Push open my thighs
Make my throbs cry.
Eyes, glued to pink flesh
Let me feed you, give you this plate
Smoother your mouth into it
Remind you how it tastes.
Supple *******, ready for your tongue dance
This is all that's in my thoughts.
Linked to every neuron, bring me euphoria.
Engulfed by my walls, every stroke is deeper
I'm your light, you're literally my dark
Kiss me hard and squeeze my ***
Oh God, **** me like I'm your last
Don't put any thinking into it
Just do it.
If you need to act to make it way
I don't care
Becus I'm being selfish anyways

this

is the one place

that makes me truly ...


                      happy.