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Mackenzie Downs Feb 2020
I don’t leave the other side of the bed empty anymore
I guess that means I’ve given up.
I stopped sending you texts inviting you over
I guess that means I’ve given up.
And yet
I still turn the sound up on my phone
Even while I sleep
Just in case you call.
And yet
I still break down into tears
When I’m laying there alone.
I wish I could throw my feelings out
Out in the trash, where they belong
Life would be easier, wouldn’t it.
I long for when you’ll love me back
Mackenzie Downs Sep 2019
I’m so sick
of dreaming of you
falling asleep
and you’re back in my life
the mistakes we made
the fights we had
we words we said
all forgiven
I’m back in your arms
my heart swells with happiness
you’re back!
I want to scream
I want to cry
I want to shout giddily
and I’m back!
back where
I’m always longing to be
but then
I awake
and a bucket of ice water
runs down my face
down my back
stealing the breath
from out of my chest
I’m needing a life vest
I need someone to help me
I am not in your arms
we have not forgiven each other
and you are so, so far away
Mackenzie Downs Sep 2019
I used to sit
on that bench
just sit
all alone
for no other reason
than it makes me think of you
all the memories
of when we were happy
before the fights
the late nights
maybe I just might
what it felt like
to love you
with no strings attached

I sit in the dark
what did it feel like
when I loved you wholly
without this scar tissue
I’m fighting through
this is what it’s come to
wish I could get a tattoo
and I could touch it...
and be flooded with
this feeling of
naïve love
that I’m chasing
that there’s no replacing
I’d do anything for us to be embracing
but we can’t.
we can’t.
because there’s no erasing
the words you spoke
that slashed like daggers
through my skin
and into my soul

so I sit on this bench
in the dark
and I feel my heart
Mackenzie Downs Sep 2019
you told me i wasn’t enough for you
no, you screamed it.
slapped me across the face with it.
not with your words
but with your actions
and i don’t know which is worse.
Mackenzie Downs Sep 2019
The crazy thing is people think they know you. They think that because they know the sound of your laugh and the face you make when you don’t like something, they have you figured out. But they don’t. They don’t know about the things you’ve been through and how those things have shaped you into who you are and why you do the things you do. Why you have the scars you do, on your skin or on your soul and heart. They think they know, but really they couldn’t even begin to grasp who you are. The reason you have the mannerisms you do. The reason you turn out the third wheel on your skateboard so the logo shows. The reason you took up guitar in the first place. The reason you can’t wear black Vans. Where you got that ring on your fourth finger and why you wear it. Why when that song comes on, you’ll always pause for a moment, if even for just a fraction of a second, and remember that summer you’d swore to never forget. These things make you who you are, and maybe no one will ever fully understand that. But I think that’s beautiful. I think we’re all just beautiful masterpieces made up of these little unique quirks, and these amazing memories, some happy, some sad, some peaceful, some even heartbreaking. But all of them beautiful. Because they’re all woven together and jumbled up to make us into who we are. I don’t know, I think that’s beautiful.
Mackenzie Downs Sep 2019
Okay but get this.
He said to me, you know my love for you is unconditional right
HA. I laughed in his face.
In my head I was know the definition of unconditional love, right?
Because your love is anything but unconditional.
It is absolutely situational.
Your unconditional love is heavily affected by one condition, therefore disqualifying it as unconditional love.
So don’t lie to me.
Don’t tell me your love is unconditional, when you don’t love me under certain conditions don’t tell me that lie.
I’ve never understood why people tell that lie why that make that commitment when they’re not ready to.
It should be that simple it should be that cut and dry.
Don’t tell me you love me don’t tell me you care unless you’re **** well going to back it up with your actions.
Mackenzie Downs Sep 2019
I loved you so wholly
so deeply
and in such a way
that you’ve broken me
in a way I will never recover.
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