I had to let go of someone I really loved because they just weren’t right for me.
And it *****. Really, it’s awful. And it doesn’t get any easier.
But it’s okay. Because it was the right thing to do. Because even though they were doing their best, it wasn’t enough. And that’s not their fault. And that’s not my fault. It’s no ones fault. It just...is.
What I finally realized is that I need to put me and my happiness before anything and anyone else. And that includes the people I love.
I realized that even though he was doing his best to love me, it wasn’t enough, and the damage that was doing to me wasn’t worth it.
I realized that sometimes, ‘just love’ just isn’t enough.
I realized that even though right now, pulling me and him apart feels like my world collapsing, it’s what will cause the least amount of hurt in the long run. For both of us.
I realized that love accompanied with so many tears, so much fear, so much anxiety, so much crushing pain, isn’t love worth keeping around. It’s better having no love at all.
I realized I deserve someone who will love me and not make it feel like such a burden and a chore.
So yes, I am broken. And I am in pain. I have tears running down my cheeks. But still I stand tall as I can and know I will one day be whole again.

I never knew one person could cause so much heartache.
Sobs shake my whole body,
Gasping breaths tear at my throat,
Deep coughs hack at my lungs.
But nothing hurts as deeply as this crushing, consuming pain in my chest.
Snot runs down my face,
Tears soak my cheeks.
Love is not beautiful.
It is ugly.
It is painful.
Love means giving someone the power to destroy you.

I hope you lie awake at night because falling asleep in a bed without me in it feels so wrong.
sleep feels impossible because you know you can’t take back the daggers you spit or heal the cuts you slashed into my skin.
The blood you spilled tumbled down onto the ground and my screams you once ignored now haunt you.
I hope you lie awake at night and understand what you did, and mourn the loss of me in your life.

I thought I was ready to move on. I thought I was ready. But I wasn’t ready to look up from his lips and not see your face. I wasn’t ready to wake up and roll over to a face that wasn’t yours. I wasn’t ready to move on at all.

I am beautiful.
But you are not her...
My doubts creep up.
Crocodiles from a dark swamp
“Go away.” I whisper.
I am kind.
But no one likes you as much as her...
“Stop!” I plead.
They get louder.
You will never be enough.
Not for him. Not for them.
You are a burden.
No one wants you around.
I scream.
Then...
Silence.
I am alone.

I wish I could make you love me.
But then...
Would it be true love?
But then...
Do I really care?
Because all I want
In any way
In any shape
In any form
Is for you to love me

Let’s fall in love
Because falling in love
Will make the pain go away
Falling in love
Will make me happy again
But please
Please don’t leave me on my own
Because if you leave me on my own
After I’ve already fallen
I will never recover from another fall
I will be broken forever