some nights i want to disappear
into the white sheets of a bed
that no longer remembers the scents
of lovers with hurried breaths
and trembling fingertips

other nights i lay awake
looking out of the frosted glass
into the world i'm supposed to be a part of
and i remember what you said to me
that night before you left.

"you're so detached from everything"

i realize now that you loved me
wholeheartedly.
but it was me that was like a broken clock
constantly ticking away at seconds
that had passed eons ago.
i was always the girl that lived
in her fading memories
and i didn't realize how deep
in my own head i was
until the door slammed shut
in your wake.

i realize now that you can't
really love someone
as much as you can miss them.
i'm a shell of the girl you once knew
and i don't blame you for leaving
because if i were in your shoes,
i too, would leave the girl
with hollow eyes
and whispering poetry.

there is no beauty in pain.
i know that now.

Losing Focus.
It happens all the time
Knees deep in a conversation and i forget everything mentioned.
Stress suffocates.
Trying to impress and be confident is always shot down.
I try to be good.
Peer pressure and temptation sedate my morals.
Things I promise I won't do to myself are thrown out carelessly in a weak moment.
At times I can't stand myself.
I should know better but I still give in.
The emptiness that shadows me everyday is starting to feel welcoming.
Maybe it's easier than feeling pain of betrayal or guilt.
Maybe it's better than feeling second best.
I try to have faith, but I've lost my focus.
Slipping away..

I've lost myself.

Is there somewhere..anywhere, far enough from here
that I will be able to escape you

from the dustiest corners of my soul?