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I am a *******
Only it doesn't show on my arm or my wrist
I am an abuser of the heart, the soul.
No other words can describe it - I enjoy the pain of heartbreak.
Do I feel a rush every time you forget about me? Do I go on a high when you put me down? Do I crave the silence, the awkward looks, the indifference?
YES!
Is this pain the only thing my heart will ever witness?
YES!!
You are the pain giver; you cause these wounds
But if I'm a *******, I should be grateful to you.
Eyes red from crying,
Wrists hurt from scratching.
Still, doing it again and again
because pain is something
she loves to endure.
Your chest so warm, your heart so cold
The familiar look in your eyes, the sweet words on your lips
Your affection comforting, your love terrifying
The monster is exposed.
I pull away, you pull me back
I push you away, but it's no use.
My heart tells me "love"
My brain tells me "abuse"...
Respect those around you, but don't take *******.
Live life to the fullest, but in a safe, and practical way.
Don't change who you are for anyone, but be better than what you are now.
You are a public treasure, but a private disgrace.
**** it, you're a hopeless cause.
 May 2015 kayla demoe
Anon C
Alas, the irony
what you think you want
you do not really
it dances in your face
bathed in passionate flame
and yet rejected it is
instead you seek to follow
that which would cause you harm
take the needle
stick it deeper in your vein
let yourself feel the lies
coursing through you like fire
you keep feeling this, the burn
it is what makes you feel alive
to be broken and beaten down
you must like to be abused
over and over you find yourself spitting
at that which offers you a hand
and letting the devil lead you instead
we should all just drain one another
let us pass each other by
let us all be masochists
I am you. I am confused.
 May 2015 kayla demoe
Jeremy Bean
I know I have a high tolerance
for pain
but I never really thought
I enjoyed it
Yet maybe that is why
I get higher than most
just so my fall
from their graces
will hurt that much more.
He can't hear the droplets
of my lonesome tears
the cracking in my voice
through faded ears 

He can't envision my pain
this life of grim skies
when he chose to be blind
with faded eyes 

He can't make me feel
when hands no longer clutch 
our lips lost from one another
this faded touch

He can't disentangle our past
set free the memory of
what would always be
a faded love.
 Apr 2015 kayla demoe
Emily
Silly little *******
spitting up her heart
Wishing she was talented
Wishing she was smart

Slice and bite and beat yourself
all above the knee
Never swim and never cry
then nobody will see

Stupid little *******
tearing out her eyes
Punishment doth bring success
Perfection carries lies

Tell them all it was the cat
Conjure up some cheer
Fill your life with silent screams
then nobody will hear

Crazy little *******
cutting up her wrists
Pushing down with all her might
as hands turn into fists

Blood is pouring out your veins
and you stop to stare
Knowing if you died tonight
then nobody would care
 Apr 2015 kayla demoe
Kevin Eli
When I was with her,
I never felt so alive, nor dead.
I never felt so much love, nor so alone.
I never felt so much pain, and so much joy.
I never knew how strong I was, nor how weak.
I never knew what I could do, nor what was out of reach.
Still can't see a difference between loving her and torturing me.
Each day she begins by hoping not to be stabbed again. The worry gets worse as time rips past her. She hopes not to feel the air between him and her. But everyday, hoping deems no good. Everyday she feels the wind piercing through her skin and chilling her bones. Everyday she digs her red nails into her palms to calm the sweat. Everyday she falls to her knees, but invisible to the human eye. She feels the shaking of her joints. She feels every blood cell rushing through her. She hears her heart beat with a deadened sound. Her head gets heavy and her eyes close with a whimper. She's reached the blackness of the sea. She's caught in the tsunami. She wishes for the hurt to stop but then again she enjoys the pain.

He will be gone soon.  She thinks that the hurt will disappear too, but little does she know that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

He was once her entire universe with all the fireballs in between, but now he IS the fireball. She crumbles under the heat and pain. She's almost in ruins. She's going away to a new universe in a while. She hopes to find peace there.

She hopes to stop hurting, but will a ******* ever be free of pain?
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