Though
At times
I'm not sure why...
I'm sure there is a reason

I lie in bed
Awake last night
Imagining the day
I watched my friend burn alive

I asked myself
Why did I have to be there?
Why did his dad knock on MY door?
Couldn't it have been someone else?
Because those images are something
I cannot erase

Did seeing this
Make me stronger?
Was it meant to make me wise?
Or perhaps the only reason
Was to teach me to treasure life

It's been three months
Sense that day
And the images, I thought
Would go away
But still I lie awake at night
Thinking of it all
And it drives me insane

The way your brother lay
Your burnt body upon the driveway
And you gasped desperately for clean air
When the sirens were closing in
The old woman pulled me away
Into a hug
And asked me if I knew the boy
I said yes. Sense preschool
She said I shouldn't see this

Why did I have to see it?

To the firefighters, I was a witness
I had to give them everything I knew

They offered me trauma counseling
As to undo what had been done
But he died two days later
And I'd give anything to take that back

I couldn't save him
I only tried to help
Why did i have to be the one
To put the burden upon myself?

We never talked a day in our lives
But his life seemed to precious to me

When it came down to it,
I did my best to be there
When I should have let them be

Why must I be plagued with this memories?

My demons
Follow me
Break me down
Until I'm nothing

They don't rest
And I can't hide
I've grown tired of
Running for my life

It's easier to let them in
To let all of my suffering
Seem to end

But I don't like it,
These words they say
I don't ever want
To play these games

Now it's time
For you to rest
Close your eyes
Release your breath
I wasn't there

I wish I was there
To see your last moments
To see you breathe air

Slip away
Into an eternal embrace
Bask in the spiritual sense you've gained
Now you will never again
Feel pain

I just wish I was there
To watch you leave this plane
I couldn't be there
To say goodbye
As you passed away
Off into another life

I never got to say goodbye
I will never get to see you
One last time

You smile was warm,
Like June
You're eyes were so beautiful
Like an ocean, blue

Illness struck you
Like a plague
The doctors had no answers
To make it go away
There was no cure
No way to keep you
Upon this earth

Your lungs were like stone
But your heart, pure
I can never find a way
To separate
Myself from these thoughts of you
The warm feeling of June
And your voice as a melody
As you would sing to me

I want you back
That feeling of June
I want it all back
But it's too late

Life can be hard, son
And before you know it
You wind up in the dirt

Beaten so hard
That you lose hope
But believe me when I say:
You've got to learn to cope

Your body, weak and worn
Your spirit, shaken and torn
You wonder
If you have the strength to stand

Will you be brave enough to fight again?

Get up off the floor
Dust off your knees and
Settle the score
Cause you don't win in life
By lying on your back
No, you don't win in life
When you cower in the sand

You can only conquer
The trials that are laid before you

Even if you can only muster
Up enough strength to get through today
Remember, this problem is only a grain of sand.
There will be more problems that come

Don't let it drag you down

The chamber of torture

Wooden tables and knives

Surgical equipment
Used to cut open eyes

Pools of blood gushing
To the floor

I'm not sure if I can take much more

The chamber of torture
Is swallowing me

The voices in my head
Keep haunting me

What is that for?
To pull out your teeth

The chamber of torture
Is inside of me