"Close your eyes" you said.

Maybe it will all go away
but still I feel it all.
I can feel your hands in all of the places they are not supposed to be.
I can hear all of the words you're not supposed to say.

Closing my eyes was no safe place at all.

At least when they were open you weren't a monster made up in my 8 year old mind.

You were a person.
Another human being.

Yet still a monster doing all these things monsters do.

Like a nightmare when you do everything in your power to scream but no sound comes out.

A living nightmare with my eyes wide open.

I'll create my self in such a way that is beleieveable.
In a way that looks alive.

But honestly I'm far from it.

I'll put make up on this face and clothes on this body.

Trying to convince the world I am at peace.

I am a corpse, if I'm telling the truth.

Touch me and you'll see.
You'll watch this body crumble.

But I'll fool you good.

Your consistency is never ending &
your grace is unfailing.
Your presence is as promising as the morning & your light is like the moon.

I will love you for all of my days just as you have loved me.

Your words are a flame
that set me on fire.
Your touch is a river
that floods me.

Its been 3 days so far.
3 days of nothing.
I feel nothing.
I feel no sadness, no happiness,
No motivation.
I am nothing.
I feel trapped.
There is a part of me screaming to break free.
Well really I'd just like to think there is.
I'm so numb.
I want to care enough to wake up.
But I don't.
Please wake me up.

Something about the ocean that draws the most emotion out of my being.
I can stare for hours at its beauty.
The way it's never ending and unstoping maybe.
I'm so envious of its consistency and mystery.
How beautiful it sleeps and how gracious it awakes.
To be one with the sea is happiness to me.

I'm pass the point of no return.

There is no thought that can't be said.
No secret than can be tucked away.

I will stand strong in this storm with my hands in fist and my feet planted in the ground.

Days of victory are soon to come & I refuse to be silenced by this crippling illness.