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Kareena Oct 2014
We are so clumsy
We trip and fall over the wrinkles in time
We stumble over each other
Laughing along the way
You twirl me around as we go
Around and around
Until I see stars

We get caught in our little moments
Like laying on our own private beaches
Swimming in shallow clear waters
Trying to find small creatures
And running along the coast
We laid there for the longest time
When you looked in my eyes and said
"You are so beautiful"

You are a cliche
But in your unintentional way
That allows me to know you mean it

You sneak up right beside me
And sit yourself down
Because somehow you know I need it
That I need you next to me
To keep me sane and to laugh with me
Taking up space and sharing time
Because you need me too
Kareena May 2014
Those who are conceited are like the foamy starch  in a *** of pasta
That rises and billows so proud in its manner, falling over the sides of the pan
But little do they know that they are nothing special later on
They just end up being some disgusting crusty mass that no one wants to find in their gnocchi
Kareena Apr 2022
Alone is a place
I’ve never ventured
Always attached
Slightly indentured

Self inflicted fidelity
Unwarranted, at times
Despite indiscretions
Despite others’ crimes

There is something
Twisted, yet satisfying in this
To me, I feel loving
As red flags are dismissed

I hold on by a thread
He, on solid ground
He, allowed to feel loose
While I’m tightly wound

It’s time to stop
This time I meant it
Knowing it now
Being codependent
Kareena Apr 2022
Maybe I’ve been complacent
Unable and unwilling
To do without

Maybe I’ve been screaming
With my own hands
Over my mouth

I love to love you fully
Give myself away
As I lose sight

As if it were romantic
Tempt me
And I might

It is the map I follow
Hang a left
At a guilt trap

Empowering myself to change it
Not too late
For turning back
Kareena Mar 2014
When danger strikes, I know you're there
Right by my side, you're never scared

You help me
Heal me
Complete me
Feel me
For someone special
Kareena Sep 2014
Please, fingers that point, blame, and condemn
Never point at me
Because my frame spontaneously collapses
Under your harsh realities

Some call it drama, or gossip, or back talk
That invades and clouds our logic
But as many names as there can be
I still just hate the conflict

It's like a virus that sneaks in
From ***** looks and false faces
Until it is suffocating us from the inside out
It seeps in to tight-knit places

I avoid you, conflict, at all costs
I avoid you like the plague
I avoid your lies and suffering
Until you grab me by the leg

You shake me to the very core
Which is why none at all is too much
But the reason I hate you most of all
Is because of you, I tear myself up
I always have hated being yelled at
Kareena May 2022
You put me on low
Let me simmer alone
All day long
While you worked
Expecting I’d be ready
When you came home

You set me
And forgot me

Bon appetit
Kareena Mar 2016
I'm stuck in between
What's your right and theirs
And when you place me in center
At me, each side tears

Each side picks their points
In the battlefield of my mind
Each dear to my heart
Each one of them kind

Then, without warning, shots fire
I look left and then right
I'm bombarded from both sides
There's not just black and white

But I see it both ways
I wish, away, I could crawl
You would respect my wishes
If you respect me at all

I want and need to step out
Instead of being stuck in between
To point the cannons at their sources
Instead of at me
Kareena Dec 2014
If you love someone so much
That you would cross an ocean for them
*What does it matter
If all your bridges have been burned?
Kareena Sep 2020
How quaint to be let in
If only, for a moment
To view your perspective
From my perspective
To sit by your side
And watch you live your life
If only, for a moment

How brief were those encounters
Surprising and scarce.
I met myself there,
Barefoot and just beginning.
Experiencing and cultivating
The grass roots of my soul.
written while listening to Shrike by Hozier
Kareena Sep 2016
I am scared that you won't like
The ugly parts of me
The parts I am ashamed of
The parts I try to hide

Somehow they come out so easily
With a single thought or memory
Ironically I'm still an open book
I've revealed it to you, my crumpled heart
Like damaged goods, a cracked plate
Not everything is honeysuckle sweet
There are darker parts to me
Kareena Jul 2015
I'm dating depression
He knocks on my door
Although he smiles for miles
I knows he hides more

Depression just loves me
He's been other places
He takes other forms
Same guy, but new faces

He sneaks up on me
With surprise in his eyes
Claiming he changed who he was
But I know he lies

People change too
Like the leaves in the fall
And as the foliage fades
My lover does call

"Love me like only you do"
"Need me because I need you"
"Protect me from what I can't help"
**"Save me, but from myself"
Kareena Apr 2016
For some reason the two of us were there
Facing bluntly, but I fondly focused
On your tapping fingers, your bouncing leg
And when my eyes came up to met your gaze
It felt like I was looking into my own stare
A part of myself I had condemned, tried hard to forget
But somehow, you were remembered
After time without thoughts or contact

You touched my hand and we overlapped fingers across the booth
And a familiarity spread that felt like it used to
You gave comfort that I was not alone in our memory
You talked of her and I of him, but it didn't damper
A morning of caffeine in my favorite study nook at school
Though I never recall your fondness for coffee
We drank and enjoyed each other if only for a little while
A pleasant visit with an old friend

It was a flash of smoke or prestidigiatation it seems
Because something felt whole when you were there
Like I was reunited with a lost friend
But I felt utterly wrong to be contemplating it simultaneously
Because of what you meant to me

Your sweet visit occurred when I was not able to stop it
Even if you do not often come to my woken head
Sometimes you sneak into my sleep
Kareena Dec 2019
I apologize for my emotional density
I often worry you don't have time for me
I sit and cry and you watch me, scared
Not sure what to say, rushed, unprepared
Kareena Sep 2016
It's okay if you want to go
Recede into the woodwork
Take your hat quietly and leave
I understand your departure
I may soon disappear as well
Kareena Jan 2015
You told me tonight
You were worried about me
Worried that I was depressed
Because you don't think
I'm happy anymore

How would I know?
What is depression?
Even if I knew
I wouldn't admit it
It would make me too sad
By the way, I'm not depressed
Kareena Apr 2014
How would you describe depression
To someone who doesn't know?
This has nothing to do with me at the moment
Kareena Nov 2016
This whole time
I've been afraid
Of tripping and falling
Down further
For you
Breaking every single bone
On my descent
Kareena Feb 2015
The room is spinning
Why can't it just stand still?
For a simple moment
Can't we fixate on the fact
That we love each other
Rather than meaningless things in life?
Kareena Apr 2014
Circling, circling*
Around and around
Eventually, you fall
And hit the ground
Kareena Aug 2016
Porcelain skin and a tiny frame
She's so lifelike it's surreal
Shirley Temple hair and an English name
Hollow inside, but a shiny seal
Beauty can be deceiving
Kareena Mar 2023
Facing you at
A table for four
Don’t talk of it
Or
It would be
Disrespectful
To the game and
Por supuesto
I wish to win

Corona with lime
In hand
And
Por supuesto
Sal en la rim

Put it in the
Corner
Cup holder
Let’s begin

It’s reading
Without speaking
It’s assuming
Without knowing
Watching you place
Your strongest tile
First
I remember
Never to block
What you’ve built

I’ve only so many
I’ve only such time
Between the table and
You watching
With shifting blue eyes

I place what
I can
But
I can
Only read so much
I can
Only get so far
On my own

As if at some point
I need to
Fall blindly and
Trust
That you have the
Missing piece
To let you lead
As if we’re
Dancing
Silently

I tap the table
One more time
As if claiming defeat
Looking down
But then up
As I see
The last tile
Fall from your hands
Right in place
Perfectly
Kareena Aug 28
My mom told me that
In the womb
I accidentally
Aspirated

Breathed in ****
By mistake

Who would have known
That would have set the tone
For the beginning of my life
I’ve spent a lot of time
Breathing in ****
That wasn’t mine

Cleaning up messes
I didn’t make
Hedging all the bets
I didn’t take
Throwing myself
To the wind
Instead of caution is
Where I’ve been risk adverse
Somehow the fear of
Toppling over other peoples’
Houses of cards
Seemed infinitely worse

I see I cast myself in the narrative
I understand my part to play
Set up and conditioned to placate
After that, it was a choice that I made

But I can’t handle it any longer
The glove no longer fits
I feel myself coughing it all up
I do no harm
But take no ****
Kareena Mar 2014
Stop! Stop! Don't you look at me
I have no profound sagacity
I am through with rash decision
I shall halt further self-revision
Please, just stop don't steal another look
I'm sorry it's not the blame I took
I would rather take it now, though, you see
Because now you don't care, it's only me.
Kareena Aug 2014
You are like the drawings in the margins and the corners of my page
The little odds and ends of pencil I halfheartedly erased

Your swirls and shapes around me that I am so distracted by
Right next to the flowers that I drew and the birds up in the sky

I erased your figure just to tell everyone that moving on is what I did
But yet you are still here around me, so who then can I kid?

I go back and retrace your memory, wanting some of it to be real
But hands alone cannot reach through space, so it is only paper that I feel
The Other One
Kareena Mar 2014
And when I dream
You aren't now
You are *then
Kareena Apr 2014
Watching the shadows of headlights play off my front walk
From the inside of your car
No one inside, and I'm too scared to be alone
So you stay and wait with me for peace of mind
We recline our seats because we know it will be a while

I let my fingers wander over to the radio
Where I turn on "American Pie"
And we sit there, reclined
For eight and a half minutes, just singing along
And interchangeably talking about life
If someone saw us, reclined together
They would think it was something more than that
But it was just a simple moment in pure bliss
Holding hands, nothing more

"Would you like to go camping with me in a pop up camper?"
"Well how could I? I can't sleep in the same bed as you, dear."
"No, not now. Like in a few years. I want to see the grand canyon. And I would like for you to come with me to see it"
It all sounded so sweet, how could I say no?
I would love to go back there with you
And do all the things I couldn't do the first time around
Maybe we could walk out on to the glass platform together
And lay out and watch the stars
As I point out constellations
One by one
Castor and Pollux
Orion
Sagittarius
The Pleiades

Perhaps one day we will sit in that same spot in your car
Reclined together, holding hands, listening to "American Pie"
Reminiscing on the day we dreamed about everything we could be
For Someone Special who always making ordinary nights into special ones.
Kareena Feb 2014
Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It's only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness

Like a heartbeat.. drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you loved

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say... Women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you'll know

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and...
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness...

Like a heartbeat... drives you mad...
In the stillness of remembering what you had...
And what you lost...
And what you had...
And what you loved

Thunder only happens when it's raining
Players only love you when they're playing
Say... Women... they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean... you'll know
One of my favorite songs of all time
Kareena Aug 2016
I dreamed you bewitched me one last time
To fall away from the world with you
I convinced myself that it was no crime
So I let you hold me close like lovers do

But within each dream you appear
Mayhem occurs, nothing goes right
As much as I tell myself I don't want you here
There you are next to me at night

But we have drifted away from "us" so far
That we can't even wave at a distance
Now I don't really know who you are
And I will never even have the chance
Kareena Apr 2015
My Easter
Is not
A coloring
Of eggs
A consumption
Of candy
A celebration
Of spring

Rather it's
Something larger
Profound as
The coloring
Of blood
The consumption
Of communion
The celebration
Of resurrection

Because Easter
Isn't about
Baby chicks
And bunnies.
But rather,
Forgiveness and
Salvation
Amen

And even
If I
Didn't go
To church
On Sunday,
God is
Where ever
I go
Because the
Curtain split
God and
Man are
No longer
Separated by
A barrier
Of tapestry
Kareena Apr 2014
Drop your preconceptions of me at the door
Now look
Who do you see?
Not the person that was there before
I just always wanted a chance
To prove that I was something different
Than who you thought I was
But I only need to prove it to myself
I see that now

I am me

And you are you

I don't need anyone's acceptance but my own
Because, after all, above anyone else
We need to be able to live with ourselves
This was never started to make anyone believe something about myself that wasn't true. I did it for myself.
Kareena Aug 2016
I don't know why I've tried so very hard
To forget the way you smelled or talked.
To erase my mind of your idiosyncrasies
Was something I regret, but can't confront

Because I want to feel everything again
I want to experience the sting of losing you
I don't want to block the pain anymore
I want the memory to rain over me

And instead of fastening my umbrella
I want to be drenched in what we were
I want to be enveloped by the pain
Just to remember again how much you meant

If only I could bring myself to acknowledge
How damaged I am without you by my side
I was always cautious to build my life around you
Because I didn't want to be scarred

But I had just hoped that we would work
Instead of loving and then breaking off
We were two people going down different roads
With only time to kiss at an intersection
Kareena Feb 2014
She fears him, and will always ask
   What fated her to choose him;
She meets in his engaging mask                  
   All reasons to refuse him;
But what she meets and what she fears
Are less than are the downward years,
Drawn slowly to the foamless weirs
   Of age, were she to lose him.

Between a blurred sagacity
   That once had power to sound him,
And Love, that will not let him be
   The seeker that she found him,
Her pride assuages her, almost,
As if it were alone the cost.
He sees that he will not be lost,
   And waits, and looks around him.

A sense of ocean and old trees
   Envelops and allures him;
Tradition, touching all he sees
   Beguiles and reassures him;
And all her doubts of what he says
Are dimmed with what she knows of days,
Till even prejudice delays,
   And fades—and she secures him.

The falling leaf inaugurates
   The reign of her confusion;
The pounding wave reverberates
   The crash of her illusion;
And home, where passion lived and died,
Becomes a place where she can hide,—
While all the town and harbor side
   Vibrate with her seclusion.

We tell you, tapping on our brows,
   The story as it should be,—
As if the story of a house
   Were told, or ever could be;
We’ll have no kindly veil between
Her visions and those we have seen,—
As if we guessed what hers have been
   Or what they are, or would be.

Meanwhile, we do no harm; for they
   That with a god have striven,
Not hearing much of what we say,
   Take what the god has given;
Though like waves breaking it may be,
Or like a changed familiar tree,
Or like a stairway to the sea,
   Where down the blind are driven.
I love this poem because it makes me see what would have happened if I went back with the other one. Life would have been so unhappy, but I see that breaking up stung and hurt a lot, but it really was for the best.
Kareena May 2014
Times are changing
People aren't the same
I'm still here
First attempt at a Haiku.
Kareena Nov 2015
You call a few miles away from me far
Hoping I had left something inside your car
For some small excuse to see me once more
To drive back to me and open the door
Voices trembling, fighting back tears
Do goodbyes get easier with ongoing years?
No, I doubt it, they never were free flowing and nice
We say one more hug, but we always do twice
I can't tell you that I'm going to be strong
My heart does get weak when I know that you're gone
But still we press on and I yearn for you
And you call on me then and I know you yearn too
But when we do meet again, finally, all is right
You hug me so tenderly, kiss me goodnight
That I forget all that our visits are temporary
That when I'm alone, the real world is scary
That time is so precious, and that you are too
So close to my heart, I'll always keep you
So when you call me, I reply with voice cracking apart
"Yes, I left something with you, please bring back my heart"
They never do get easier
Kareena Jan 2015
She is of the water
Of some ungrounded, unexplored region
She is something that could slip right through your fingers
You can see it in her clear blue eyes

He is of nature
Unmoving, unchanging, and strong
He is something that could last forever
You can see it in his hazel eyes

Yet, she is a girl raised in the mountains
And he, raised by ocean tides
Perhaps what first gravitated them toward each other
Lived far within their eyes
I'm really liking the punny title
Kareena Oct 2014
I can feel you floating away
You are the sand grains sliding through my open fingers
Your memories are going out of the window of my mind
You're a fragment of a sentence, not really finished, but you feel complete now
The feelings of helplessness have turned into ones of comfort and acceptance
Real acceptance
The autumn leaves have changed and so have I
I am in a new season of my life
Falling away from you
When I look at you, I don't feel overwhelming anxiety
I feel detached fondness
Like your favorite memory of childhood that is covered in golden dust from picture frames
I see how much I have grown and I know you were worth it
We were worth all of this
The struggles we fought, the time that we bought together
It was all for something, can't you see that?
Even if we aren't together, our time was never wasted
I would not rewind a single moment I had with you
I would not take back the honest love I gave you
Kareena Jan 2015
I almost threw up when I saw her
Holding lightly to your arm
I could feel my heart
Rise up in my throat

When I remembered
You aren't mine.

I have no claim over you
You are not mine to love
If you really loved me
You would be here
And if I really loved you
I would be with you

But here we are
Not loving each other

With other people
Living lives separate from our designs
Perhaps this is how it has always meant to be
Perfect predestined love can't be predesigned
By humans with so many fatal flaws
Kareena Sep 2014
So many heroes died on September 11th
So some could live to see September 12th
Thank you to all of the men and women serving in the fire services. You all are greatly appreciated
Kareena Nov 2017
I've looked at you and felt
My heart fall apart within my hands
But I've seen your face and knew
My next fifty years of plans
Kareena Dec 2019
Life pains the most in first person
The narrowing narrative of perspective
Viewing through the peep hole of the self
Nothing is more personal
Nothing as dense
None could compare
Just reflecting on how it is hard not to feel like the things you experience are much more difficult than what others do. I try to remember often that **** could be much much worse, that others are suffering way more than I am and that I am lucky. I am so incredibly blessed. But some days, it truly does not feel like that.
Kareena Dec 2018
You've not been feeling yourself
A dull kind of ache
A colorless vision

Feels too small to mention
Yet larger than comfortable
I see you inside

I sat in a field, once
Off topic, but it connects
I was thirteen and was offered
A fruit punch with Burnetts
I said no, but watched
As she did and spun around
In that field with that drink
And a sky full of stars

I felt small
In a snowglobe
The stars were just pieces
Of flakes ready to fall
I stared hard at them
And for the first time I saw
Their true light
Never constant
Brighter
Duller
Brighter

And as I reflect
I know that this much is true
Just as the stars are
Even people flicker too
Kareena Apr 2014
Together forever isn't really real
Unless you believe in it
Kareena May 2014
Float away
Far, far away
On some cloud going to the middle of nowhere
Go attached to a bunch of balloons
Of different colors and materials
Or on a carrier pigeon
With a small note on its left foot
The method of transportation is of no importance to me
Just be gone
I'm sorry that I was intrigued
When you told me you loved me
It was my mistake
I just wanted to feel something
That I felt a while ago
The way you talked to me at night
Made me think it was somewhat real
Now all I want to do is forget
But that's what you told me to do anyway
Forget you
                  Forget us
                                   Forget feelings
If that is what you want, I'll forget you
No.
I want to do what I want
I want to forget
Therefore, I'll forget
Goodbye Other One.
Kareena Feb 2015
We loved like we invented loving
Like I was the first girl to ever want to fall asleep
Smelling your shirt on my pillow
Like you were the first boy to ever
Want to hold my hand
We were insatiable and unstoppable
But then again, I guess we weren't
If we stopped eventually

I see my little brother experience middle school
And I can't help but think of you and me
How much I loved you then

He talks about clubs
And I see myself drawing in my club
Looking out the doorway to see you
Standing there, taking pictures of me for photography club

Oh how I loved you then
That sweet boy of --twelve, was it?--
It felt like we were so grown up and knew everything about life
We were ready for everything, it seemed

I remember praying every night in seventh grade
That you would like me
Because your love was something I had always wanted
More than anyone else's

I remember being in girl scouts
And not being able to talk to you because I was selling cookies
Only to look up, and there you were!
You made your dad drive all the way over to the far mall
To buy cookies from me, but told him you wanted to go to Chick Fil-A
I could hardly make change for two boxes, I was so enamored

I remember Skyping for six whole hours
While shaking secretly from my side of the camera
Wondering if you felt the same way about me
As I always had about you
Until you finally asked if I still felt the same
Of course I did, I always have

I remember being in the planetarium in eighth grade
Secretly holding your hand in the darkness
Feeling little shivers run up my arms
Every time you squeezed my fingers

I remember our first kiss
Stopping after at Lito's pizza
Those special memories
That belong only to us

To put it in perspective,
That is why it has been so hard
To let you go
Because I remember these things
And I flash back to us when he tells me about middle school,
It's hard to not fall in love with the idea of us all over again

So as I look at you now
Six years later, these memories come back
And that's why it's hard
To look at you
Because I could barely believe
The single thing I wanted to continue on forever
Ended

So how do you truly forget your first love?
If your love was true?
I just needed to sort out some memories and feelings
Kareena Mar 2014
It is over.
Breathe
Out
A
Sigh
of
*Relief
For a very stressful week
Kareena Mar 2015
You didn't hurt me
You hurt her
So don't apologize to me

At least she is smart
She actually did it
This time

She isn't coming back
For real, to you

It's different than the other
Five or six attempts

The honeymoon phase was on
But she saw through it
And said goodbye

She meant it and she's gone
Like she ought to have been six years ago

Goodbye is freeing
Although it's painful
Goodbye is them
*Them is gone
I think it is for real this time. Let's hope I'm not wrong.
Kareena May 2014
Little does he know
That while he thinks he is doing well
That he is moving on
He will soon know the truth
That loving others is just a facade to distract himself
From dealing with moving on from what happened
It will hit him
One night, it will hit him
While he is laying alone in his bed, he will know
He will think of a joke or a memory that will knock him back in time
Back to square one
He will have to start all over again
Trying to claw his way back into reality
One where together doesn't belong
Perhaps he won't feel it
But I am expecting that he will
He will know that she isn't truly erased from his mind
On one lonely night not too far from now
Because he doesn't know that when you love someone else
When all the pink clouds and sparkles are gone
Is when you understand your true feelings
For someone who has seemed to move on too fast. Not the other one.
Kareena Jan 2017
When I reach out to you
And try to talk
And receive nothing in return
I fall back into feeling
Like I'm fourteen
And you are torturing me
With your silence
You taunt your affection
In front of my watering eyes
Place your lips centimeters
Away from my wanting mouth
Before turning away
And not speaking to me for years
I have to restrict myself
From giving you too much of my heart
So when you leave, I have something left
I ache when you walk away
Even if you plan to stay
I can't help thinking you'll leave some day
Kareena Apr 2014
If you're not careful
Your teardrop can turn into a puddle
And that puddle can swell beyond its limits
Forming an ocean
That surrounds you

So look around you
Place your feet on solid ground
Before that teardrop goes too far
Submerges your life
Because you are too beautiful too drown
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