Kagami

Kagami Apr 2014

whycantwekissitbetter

#kiss #help #better #heal

Kagami Apr 2014

I tell myself that it will be okay.
It will get easier, happier.
The monsters eating me from the insides
Will shop choping on my bones and blood
Will fill the empty spaces.

That blood will not spill out, though.
No. I promised not to. One week at a time.
But it will spil into, fill the gaps
In my mind and body where happens and flash should be.
It will get better.

Things will be fixed and the shivers in my head
Will no longer cause a blank stare on my face.
I will smile for real and love freely.
I will be happy and free, live with no struggle to live.
I will teach and learn from those who
Succeed me in my illnesses.

No one can stop me.

#love #sad #depression #anxiety #hope #healing #determination

Kagami Apr 2014

Are We?

Tell me...
Are we falling apart like a pastry in your fingers?
Like a lost receipt in the washing machine?

Are we falling away like a thousand year old shooting star?
Like cottonwood seeds in summer?

Is our love dying like Romeo and Juliet's?
Like the symbiosis of the bees in genetically modified fields?

Are we melting to nothing like cotton candy in your mouth?
Like plastic left beside a fire, rotten and corroded?

Are we falling apart like I feared?
Or can we stay strong and figure out
What the hell we will do with our life together?
Will we stay in stress and silence?
Will you continue not to look me in the eyes?
Will you continue to kiss me like there is something wrong?
Will you think that I am a sin? A *****?
Will you be scared for me when I fall apart again?
Or will you fall away and care more about what is for dinner that day?
Will you lie to me when you stop loving me?
Will you feel obligated to stay because of my
Mind killing me from the inside out?

Apr 2014

aphrodite

In everything I hate and everything I love

You were supposed to love me.
But instead,
you reminded me of sitting in a dentist's chair
or not being able to find a matching sock
or early mornings and crowded public transportation.

And I was supposed to hate you for that,
but instead -
you reminded me of a new cashmere sweater
and the lullaby my mother used to hum to me as a child
and the books that line my shelves.

And even when you made me go numb;
I could still feel you every time I got a paper cut,
and see you in sun that sets late on a summer evening ,
and hear you in the wail of my alarm at 6 am on a Monday morning,
smell you in the daisies that grew by the trail,
and taste you in the bitter flavour of my medication.

There were versions of you in everything I hated and everything I loved in life
and now that you won't even look my way,
all I want is to stop living.

"I'm always writing about the same **** person. I think I'll love him forever."
**

#love #sad #life #apx #you #miss

Kagami Apr 2014

To love me:

In order to love me,
Strength needs to be stronger than diamonds.
I have none, and I will use yours as if claimed
By a blood oath.
In order to love me,
Your arms need to embrace me in a way that makes me feel safe.
I care none about lust and skin,
But the love and purity behind it, the emotion and connection.
In order to love me,
Accepting my pain, my scars
Is priority. My demons are a part of me,
If you love me, you love them.
They are beautiful, fiery things, and they burn me.
In order to love me,
Your kiss needs to speak to the small part of my mind
That still has rationality.
It needs to say, "I love you,
I need you. I am here for you, I believe in you."
In order to love me,
You need to be you and be the kind of person that
Treats me like a flowerbed.
Lovely. Gently.
Carefully.

#love #worry #need #hope #kisses #sweet

Kagami Apr 2014

And it all goes to hell...

Just like I will.

Apr 2014

Robert Frost

The Rose Family

The rose is a rose,
And was always a rose.
But the theory now goes
That the apple’s a rose,
And the pear is, and so’s
The plum, I suppose.
The dear only knows
What will next prove a rose.
You, of course, are a rose—
But were always a rose.