once again saved by strangers delight
except this time there's more to understand
he leaves like a grain of sand
travels down her hourglass
for the length of the night
never promising this will last
but to briefly hold out his hand
and for the second time
everything will be alright

It's when I'm tired, sad, and lonely
The thoughts come creeping back
To destroy me at my weakest

I don't want to talk to you right now
I'm happy if we never talk again
I made a promise
I made a promise, you see
To be the best you never had
I know you think you're top dog
But your tricks don't work on me
Because I made a promise
To be the best you never had

I could stay drunk for days,
I love the way I can't feel
my legs
or my head
and I can't see
what's in front of me;
I love how I can punch anything
and everything
and not feel it,
and I absolutely love
stumbling home
with ****** knuckles
and laughing at my own
stupidity;
I see inside of myself
when I'm drinking,
I see it all;
all the anger
and the pain,
we don't talk,
just look,
and that is enough,
to know that when I
inform people that there
is so much more to me
than what they see,
and they tell me I'm being
silly,
I know,
I know,
that you exist

you've left me breathless.
no, seriously,
you almost killed me once.

it happened about a year ago,
i was on my bed
and it was hot.
the kinda hot
that also makes it
difficult to breathe.
and i thought of you
and one thing led to another...
anyways,
i had tied a belt around my neck
to make it
as if you were really present
there in the hot hot room.
and the experience was A+
until i was almost there
at the finish line
and i couldn't get the belt off
and i rolled around on the bed
desperate for a way outta that mess.
i fell off the bed
onto those dusty floors i never sweep.
the belt buckle cracked.
so did my back but it was fine,
a bit sore though.
and then the race was finished
and the teammates
had shot outta the pen to celebrate.
and i'd run out of tissues.
i was crying.
it had been a terrifying thing
but for the second time in my short life
i'd felt like i loved someone.
of course
that wasn't true.
but it was a nice feeling.
one i'll never forget.
so thank you for all that.
(i bought a new belt later on
that week if you were wondering).

numb but no longer bruised
tired of gentle strokes
sick to the stomach of touching thoughts
richer of time but my minds broke
ironic to have nothing to lose
when there's no wars to be fought
no longer a fine china display
rest in peace to my words, here they lay

of all the things
that i have had a chance to learn
i have realised
that living
is exhaustion

Show your demons love,
But never give them a name.
What's your name again?